Who are the Surprises Here?

[TheQuestion]

I'm talking about those of you who seemed "normal" to others until being overwhelmed by dysphoria.  I've told a few members of my family and needless to say, their all shocked.   

I took karate as a kid (I'm a black belt, although only in the kids classes), played basketball, soccer, and football; but my bread and butter was baseball.  I played baseball from about 7-18, playing on several teams a year.  I must admit; I was noticeably amazing at baseball.  I won two MVP awards, a Cy Young, two home run derbies, had my league stolen base record, and never missed an All-Star Game in a league that probably had over a thousand players. 

I kind of hate sports now; I stopped playing at 18.  I wish I'd have been terrible.  Being an athlete sort of gave me a crutch and allowed me to ignore my real feelings.  I easily could have made my college team, but I just didn't care anymore and skipped tryouts.  Had I had a college career, believe it or not, I probably could have been in position to be drafted into a minor league organization.

My tastes in music, movies, television, and reading materials were, and actually still are, all very male oriented.  I feel like a tom-boy trapped in a boys body.  I love women's fashion, jewelry, applying make-up and nail polish, etc; but I'm also big into Batman, know what I mean?

Like I said, I've told a few people, but their instant reaction is "no, I don't think you are."  I've told them that I've pretty much felt this was my entire life, but given my history, they seem to think that I'm going through some sort of temporary psychosis or that I'm just trying to cling to something.

For those of you who hid and shocked others upon your revelation, how have they taken your transition or steps to transition?  Have they been able to adjust adequately?  I'm not worried about my family abandoning me, I'm just worried that if I transitioned they'd never full understand that they never truly knew me.  I'd be nice if they took the opportunity to know me as a complete person.  It's tough to live 26 years and then all of a sudden say "hey, I'm not who you think I am and never have been, sorry about that..."  If I transitioned it would still be me, just all of me, as opposed to a condensed version showing only tastes and interests...

[suzifrommd]

I shocked everyone but myself. I've always had female tastes, but kept them largely to myself. What everyone else saw was a family man with a devoted wife and kids and a steady job. No one knew I secretly wished I could be female.

The year before I came out, I began growing my fingernails and hair long, as a way to telegraph to people that something was up. Partway through that year, I pierced my ears and started HRT, so by the time I came out I was sporting more of a feminine look.

It still took a lot of people by surprise, especially people like long-distance friends and relatives who didn't keep up with my day-to-day looks.

Nearly everyone is now comfortable with me except a few narrow-minded cousins who are not much of a loss in my life.

[Edge]

My sister played baseball too. She was a catcher. Sorry I got a little nostalgic.

Yeah my coming out was a complete surprise to people who had met me before. I have barely any contact with them though, so I only have a couple examples. My mother asked me if I just want to be a man because I perceive them as powerful. Clearly, she had no clue who I was either way. One of my former friends responded with sarcasm because he thought I was joking. He later apologized, but there were other issues.
I wasn't particularly girly or tomboyish.

[FalseHybridPrincess]

I was a 100% normal and successful young man if you may call it that way...

and everyone was surprised when I came out
nobody said anything in the lines of "oh yeah that explains it" etc etc

A year passed and I look really androgynous now, so its not a surprise anymore XDXD

[f_Anna_tastic]

I was successful, good looking, to all intensive purposes CIS hetero male.

I surprised everyone when I came out (although 4 months of hormones  had softened both me and the total shocks) with the exception of my mother (who said it was like she'd had all these jigsaw pieces about me and when I told her she finally knew how to put them together)

[Hex]

I was a surprise as well to a lot of my family and some of my friends.
As a kid I just did kid stuff. I didn't care about what gender I was really until I hit puberty then the dysphoria set in for me. But even after that I just kept going about my days. I would often dress androgynous or tom boyish in my later teen years and then play the bounce back and forth game for years trying to find a happy medium because up until about 3 years ago I knew nothing about being transgender let alone actually being able to do anything about how I felt.

My husband and a few close friends I had confided in with over the years about my feelings ect kinda saw it coming? But everyone else was like uh..
Oddly enough my mother in law was shocked? But as it sank in she started connecting the dots over the past year or two when I had started wearing more of my husbands clothes and got my hair cut like a mans. I haven't really had a big talk with my parents though. They are in that stage where they are just avoiding the elephant in the room and just going with it so I'm honestly not sure if they were actually shocked or not.

[xponentialshift]

All of the friends I came out to said that they didn't expect it, but they would follow with either that it makes sense in retrospect or that I'd be a really good candidate for transition.

My family was very surprised, and my grandmother and aunt especially still don't believe it. I think they are hoping that in the "3 months of therapy" something will come up disproving me. I still haven't told them that I am starting HRT in less than 2 weeks (after just 3-4 therapy sessions)

[Blue Rabbit]

I have no idea if I would be a "surprise" or not... But I do think about it from time to time.

My dad was surprised (Only family member I've told) didn't expect it at all but was still 100% straight away supportive, at the time I told him he was honestly more supportive than like I my self was! Like it was a shock to him but it really seems and seemed like he never really had a bad doubt or thought about it where at the time I told him I had so many!
But I think the main reason he was surprised was because at the start he had trouble understanding the sexual side and that.... It really wasn't sexual at all. I was born male and I've always dated women and always been very open with my dad about what girl I may or may not be "courting" next as I am very close with him and his friends often come out with mine to the pub now and then.
He did not think I was gay but didn't at the start understand how I could become a woman without ->-bleeped-<-ing a man? I have no idea why he thought that it doesn't make sense, I don't think he would even know why he thought that if I asked him now. But after a couple of minutes and after a few questions he understood fully that it was not sexual what so ever, I still was attracted to women and feel as if I would only still be attracted to women if I transitioned.

The couple of friends I've told have also been so supportive it's hard to see if they were surprised or not, But I do think all but one was, he said "I didn't expect it but it makes sense now I know"

But the thing that really makes me think about this topic from time to time is that I don't believe I am and have been told by friends and strangers that I'm not camp, however 80% of the new people I meet seem to think I'm gay after they start getting to know me something about my personality apparently but they can't put their finger on it.
I don't know if this is true but I would like to think that maybe I have a personality that would fit a female body better. (By that I mean confuse people a bit less I guess)

[Satinjoy]

I was a huge and total surprise.  Which was devastating.

[Jill F]

I was a huge and total surprise.  Which was devastating.

Nobody, I mean NOBODY saw that one coming.  I acted very girly when I was a kid, but I seemed to "get over it".  Well, it was pretty well beaten out of me.

My coming out letter was entitled, "The Spanish Inquisition- And Something Else You Didn't Expect."  Sorry, I have a family of Monty Python fans...

[Carrie Liz]

A lot of my childhood guy friends were very much in the park of "Holy s***, dude, I did NOT expect that." Because honestly as a kid I was pretty normal. A bit sensitive and a bit feminine, but not enough that anyone really noticed. It wasn't until middle school or so that all of a sudden I started getting really effeminate.

I didn't surprise a single one of my middle school friends, high school friends, or co-workers from before I started going into my "denial" phase at age 22 or so. Pretty much every single one of them had thought that I was gay anyway because I was always singing Backstreet Boys songs, Disney songs, and show tunes. They were frankly more surprised when I got a girlfriend when I was 21.

Some of my college friends were also really surprised, though, because I was in the midst of my denial phase by that point, and actually had a Christian radio show for two years in college.

So yeah... kind of a life-doughnut of people that I surprised. Those on either end were, those in the middle weren't.

[Blue Rabbit]

A lot of my childhood guy friends were very much in the park of "Holy s***, dude, I did NOT expect that." Because honestly as a kid I was pretty normal. A bit sensitive and a bit feminine, but not enough that anyone really noticed. It wasn't until middle school or so that all of a sudden I started getting really effeminate.

I didn't surprise a single one of my middle school friends, high school friends, or co-workers from before I started going into my "denial" phase at age 22 or so. Pretty much every single one of them had thought that I was gay anyway because I was always singing Backstreet Boys songs, Disney songs, and show tunes. They were frankly more surprised when I got a girlfriend when I was 21.

Some of my college friends were also really surprised, though, because I was in the midst of my denial phase by that point, and actually had a Christian radio show for two years in college.

So yeah... kind of a life-doughnut of people that I surprised. Those on either end were, those in the middle weren't.

Apart from the backstreet boys and show tunes xD I can relate with a lot that you said there.

[sad panda]

I was a little of a surprise, but you know, some people would be blindsided no matter who you are. It's not cuz I did anything masculine or had a life as a boy, my family just chose to be surprised because they are religious and have pretttty rigid perceptions of what gender is. Like, you're born that way, it's not about who you are. It was almost insulting that they were surprised though.

Though, to be fair, I don't think they would have accepted me if they could have argued that I used to be masculine. So i'm not sure.

[jaybutterfly]

I guess I always felt different, and even my family acknowledge there is something different about me (though I havent told them yet). When I first started realizing it wasnt just my dyspraxia and years of bully talking I panicked for a year or so and tried to emasculate myself but then I realized theres no problem with being who I am.

I used to be a rugby player for my schools first team. I train martial arts (Bujinkan Ninjutsu first and foremost, but since the dojo closed, Ive shifted to Brazilian Juijitsu, Wing Chun and  Goju Ryu Karate). I like my comic books, my old 80's cartoons and my animations. I still enjoy things like shooting and survival training, it just feels different now in relation to me

[Terracotta]

In regards to your initial post - it may be liberating for you to attempt to recognise your self-concept as a concept of abstraction outside of gender and observe in a third-person detatchment how that approach reacts to dysphoria.

To recognise your feelings, persuasions, tastes in a way that's completely detached from the little voice, which may beckon in the back of your head to take an emotional persuasion to things - due to the gender or clique you feel that you may be and the shell you may be given.

Gender can be the loudest distraction from who you actually are.

[JamesG]

And that recoil of dysphoria can cause fun phenomenon like hyper-masculine pursuits like.... going into dangerous macho professions like soldiering firefighting or other pursuits like racing, base jumping, etc.  Or even just moderate things like playing along with assigned gender roles.  I think that is what hides it and produces the "shock" in others when the dam breaks.

[Terracotta]

And that recoil of dysphoria can cause fun phenomenon like hyper-masculine pursuits like.... going into dangerous macho professions like soldiering firefighting or other pursuits like racing, base jumping, etc.  Or even just moderate things like playing along with assigned gender roles.  I think that is what hides it and produces the "shock" in others when the dam breaks.

That's a different approach/denial altogether? Playing along with assigned gender roles? What I'm proposing is an entirely seperate approach. I'm not implying it'll work for everyone - hence my carefulness in adding "attempt".

[Lauren5]

According to my parents, I never gave them any signs, but I seriously thought that I gave away many. The way I walked and held myself, up until high school, among other things, was expressively feminine. In high school I repressed all that, badly. I was very bad at being a manly man. So I guess it was considered just a phase (unfortunately, not sure what's going through my mother's head right now, but she's probably thinking, or hoping, that this is still just a phase) and ignored.

[Kade1985]

I think the only people that were shocked was my mother... my dad.. O_o maybe my aunt, if she was she didn't really show it and was just like be who you feel you are... My sister too... My mother refuses to acknowledge it and thinks someone "put it in my head" even though she knows I'm on hormones....

A few others apparently knew I was trans before I did. Like they said I always seemed uncomfortable in my own skin and were like, "That explains it." basically.

[JLT1]

Nobody, I mean NOBODY saw that one coming.  I acted very girly when I was a kid, but I seemed to "get over it".  Well, it was pretty well beaten out of me.

My coming out letter was entitled, "The Spanish Inquisition- And Something Else You Didn't Expect."  Sorry, I have a family of Monty Python fans...

Mine was "And now, for something completely different".

I actually don't know if anyone was surprised as they have seen me do so many bizarre things.  This was more of a "Didn't see that one coming".  No shock though.

Jen