My love, as a man, had very nice beard, which really made "him" look very handsome. She shaved it off entirely before coming out to me, and just about everyone thinks "he" looks awful without it. My parents especially, have been making jokes about it, both to her face and behind her back. They don't know she's trans, and she doesn't plan on coming out to them soon. I keep asking them to back off about it, but can't tell them why. They feel like they're not being particularly mean. In this family, if we like someone, we snark at them and joke about them, and use backhanded compliments in a humorous way. They've always backed off sensitive topics if they understand how the joke crossed a line, and where the line is, but I can't explain this one without betraying the trust of my love. I know that when my love hears these jokes it hurts a lot more than if they joked about anything else. Shaving the beard is currently the only thing she can do to start her transition. She really likes my family, and being accepted by them means a lot to her because her family is not very supportive or loving. I'm sure my family would be fine with her transition, but my love isn't ready to come out to them yet.
I just want to yell at all my relatives about how cruel they're being. But they don't know, and I can't tell them, and I just get so frustrated not even being able to defend my love. The worst part is I'm currently spending some time visiting out of town relatives for passover, without her. If I could just hug her or squeeze her hand, I would feel so much better, but she's five hours away and I miss her so much. I'm too mad to even be witty and turn the sharp tongue this family is so proud of back on them. I just wish there was more I could do.
