Seeking guidance

[drgnryder02]

  don't really know if this is really the place for me to look for help but had a friend who is going through something similar to what's really mentioned on here tell me that this is a very open minded community and there's a good chance they can help me with me issue.

It starts off with I'm not transexual but rather am totally 100% gay thru and thru. Have know all my life and have had to deal with it for the better part on my own. The fact of having to to this solo has left me very hesitant to trust people as far as letting them get close to me. As a result I thrhink that plays a part in my failed attempts at relationships with guys. Just recently broke up with a good guy for how he regarded or rather lack of so me as his partner so I guess that's not so much as my fault, but getting off topic as I sometimes do. My delima now is much more complicated. The aforementioned friend that recommended me come on here is the problem of sorts. I haven't know him very long but from the get go we hit it off and became instant friends. It has since then bloomed into so much more than that. We r like brothers of sorts till just about a week ago when things changed at least for me. During this last break up with my ec, my friend was the rock to acjpr me thru the storm that I was trapped in. It was one of the worst I have weathered cause I have been suffering with depression due to the homosexual thing ally life and when of gets bad it gets bad. He listened to my jumble of texts that I managed to send to him thru the outbursts of crying and the aching of being alone yet again in my life. He told me that things would be better to have faith, even tho mine was severely waning. At that moment is when I felt different towards him. It was like a veil was drew back and I could see and feel again. It was so strange a feeling because it never happened to me for the most part because I was always to busy caring about everyone I was with and what their feelings were that I never noticed anything for myself and how I felt. Once I noticed just what he had done, that he pulled me back from the brink of despair when I had nobody else there to do it, I knew then that he was more to me then a mere brother type. He was for lack of better term IT. Then possibly fabled one that you only hear in romantic movies and novels but after realizing this I firmly believe it to be true. However there's a catch to all my ramblings. He IS going thru what's mentioned on here and I had already talked to him bout this, listened to all his fears, and offered to be his beacon of light to guide him thru this journey. He knows how much I now care for him but at this time he doesn't find the homosexual thing appealing and is currently straight. He tells me that I don't stand much of a chance now as he is to be with him and I feel like I can't breathe. I want to help him they all this and get him to a state where he's happy cause he deserves that and as someone who cares for him I intend to get him there but dunno how well I can hold up seeing the guy I love so very much vanish and never knowing if he wanted me like I do him. I have told him that male or female I would still love him and would want to be with him/her but am also afraid of saving myself and that day never comes. I loose sleep and am in constant torment by all this and to male matters worse I hurt him because it hurts me by him not being able to be that way. I can't tell him how to be but I do think we could be happy now and after his change if given the chance to.

Anyone having any kind of advice is greatly appreciated. This I think is too much for me to tackle alone.

[V M]

Hi Drgnryder 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here, yes, Susan's is an inclusive community and gay people are included

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V M

[Alyssa Rae]

I'm still trying to decipher exactly what kind of advice you're seeking.  It sounds like you've fallen for her, to me at least.  It also sounds like she isn't interested in men, which could certainly be problematic if you're seeking a relationship with this person.  I'm no good with relationship advice, which is what you appear to be seeking.  Have you told them how you feel?

[drgnryder02]

In a nutshell he is still a guy who is straight but has admitted to loving me just not that love just yet. He feels later he may but jes unsure just yet. He also thinks after he changes sex that it may increase my changes but he's unsure. I'm scared of loosing on both accounts. I think we may have something now but I believed he's afraid or something and that may be causing his reluctance. Then again i might be wrong , but yeah he knows exactly how I feel towards him and it hurts him to hurt me by not knowing.

[KayCeeDee]

Transition takes a while... and it depends on what the person transitioning's endpoint is.  Since you're still gendering him male I assume he really hasn't started transition in earnest.  So if he's planning on transitioning and defining his transition as hormone therapy + gender surgery, then that's at least a year and a half process with healing time.  And that's just the sex part.

Relationship-wise... that's tough to give advice on.  Make sure you're not having a rebound effect or something else based on him being there for you when you were vulnerable.  Just give it time is the best I can say.

[Alyssa Rae]

In a nutshell he is still a guy who is straight but has admitted to loving me just not that love just yet. He feels later he may but jes unsure just yet. He also thinks after he changes sex that it may increase my changes but he's unsure. I'm scared of loosing on both accounts. I think we may have something now but I believed he's afraid or something and that may be causing his reluctance. Then again i might be wrong , but yeah he knows exactly how I feel towards him and it hurts him to hurt me by not knowing.

not to be rude, but you really seem to be clinging to the idea that this person is a man.  That may be part of the problem.  I'd suggest reading up on exactly what transgender really means.  There is library of information that can be found on the matter both on the main page and here on the forums.  I'm sure others will also reply to this and once you've educated yourself on trans people, may find some enlightening answers.  I'm sorry I can't be of more help to you. 

[drgnryder02]

Thnx Ori. Yeah I'm trying not to pressure him with my problems to burden him even more. I know he has a lot coming to deal with bit when he asks y I am down and such I can't lie to him but at the same time i feel bad chase I'm layingy stuff out there knowing its gonna cause him pain which then causes me pain for hurtinh him.  Its a never ending cycle and I'm trying my best to be the strong person he's gonna need in the time to come. I wanna give him all the time he needs to make him happy because  its what I want to do for him. I know it may sound cheesy or dependant or desparate or any other term its just I know how much I care for him and its what I want.

[drgnryder02]

One thing forgot to mention is I have read up on this stuff prior to my posting and failed to mention I don't care what he has as far as male or female. I want him regardless and am will to do what it takes to show I can be a good person that he can b proud to be with no matter how he looks inside or out. I will be in love with him no matter what because all this stuff is just superficial and nothing more. I just want to know how to show him all this without scaring him off

[KayCeeDee]

You said you're 100% gay.  You like guys; in particular gay guys.  I'm presuming who you refer to as "he" is really a "she", and she likes girls.  If she transitions to female (regardless of genitals), she'll be a lesbian.  If you're in a relationship, you'll both be considered to be in a straight relationship.  Are you certain that's something you both can handle, since you asserted your homosexuality?  You said it's all superficial, but can you really be with a woman?

I know you're hurt, and hurting, and very emotional now.  Please take it easy and don't set yourself up to be hurt again.  Women tend to get scared off by clingy, desperate guys.

[drgnryder02]

Thnx for all the help. Not really sure what to do with all the input. More confused now then before. As to the 100% I thought I was till now but may be wrong in this case. I did marry a woman once but got divorced from her cheating on me for no fault of mine. Was completely into her so maybe I may have been big and just didn't know how to admit it but with this I don't know where to turn so just going to let it play out how it does. The worst that will happen is i get heart broke again but its routine by now. Thnx to everyone for the help.

[lalitrus]

The best advice I can give is be honest with yourself, brutally honest if need be. Set aside labels and orientations and pronouns and just ask yourself: can I love this person no matter how their body changes? Do I want to help them grow into the person they want to be? Will they help me grow into a person I want to be?Can I be there to support them? Do I trust them to be there and support me back? If these are all yes, then I think it's worth trying, becuase  that's the foundation for a strong relationship, no matter what genders are invovled. But if even one of those answers is no, you have to ask yourself why, becuase unexamined doubts become toxic anxieties.