High School and my new name

[ReubenIsTheName]

I really do need others' opinion on an issue I will be having next year, my senior year of high school (thank god), with my new chosen name. It's really quite simple to tell them that I prefer to be called by that name, as they always ask that on the first day. But, it will cause problems when they meet my parents and talk to them and such; I'm worried about what will happen if they refer to me as Reuben instead of the usual Sam or Samantha. My parents have been less than supportive (that's understating the matter) since I've come out, so it's quite likely that they'll flip their lids if a teacher actually calls me by my new name. I haven't even told my parents my new name yet, either. I'm hoping by then they'll have accepted it a bit more, but it's all quite uncertain. Should I attempt to have my teachers call me that, and risk them talking to my parents and the problems that may cause, or should I just stick to Sam until I'm 18 and can legally change all of that without reprimands from my parents? Thanks in advance!

[ReaverMarcus]

Usually teachers try to be more professional. If you are worried about it, talk to your teachers alone and I have found a lot of teachers tend to be quite understanding.

Reaver

[aleon515]

I agree. Bureaucracies hate doing stuff like that, but teachers are people and as such can often be sensitive to that. We had a GQ kid at the HS I taught at, and they changed their name when taking roll call and always addressed them as their preferred name. I didn't know anybody who didn't do this. But there are exceptions of course, there's often some idiot. But I'd be surprised if most of your teachers wouldn't be nice about it. Don't expect too much from subs though.

--Jay

[ReubenIsTheName]

I agree. Bureaucracies hate doing stuff like that, but teachers are people and as such can often be sensitive to that. We had a GQ kid at the HS I taught at, and they changed their name when taking roll call and always addressed them as their preferred name. I didn't know anybody who didn't do this. But there are exceptions of course, there's often some idiot. But I'd be surprised if most of your teachers wouldn't be nice about it. Don't expect too much from subs though.

--Jay

Usually teachers try to be more professional. If you are worried about it, talk to your teachers alone and I have found a lot of teachers tend to be quite understanding.

Reaver

Thanks guys!  I will have to talk to them privately some time, then. It's still somewhat awkward telling people that aren't close friends and relatives, let alone a completely new person, but perhaps in the next few months I'll gain some confidence! Screw my bashfulness! :/

[AdamMLP]

If it's not safe for them to call you your chosen name in front of your parents I would either not come out to them, or stress very strongly that this cannot go back to your parents and to them you have to be Sam and "she".  I would be very conscious that they might slip up on accident even if they are fully supportive, my friends who know often have a pause before saying a name or pronouns because they forget who they're talking to and just don't see me as my birthname anymore, even though they have to use it all the time unless we're alone.

You might want to check whether it's possible for them to treat you male there but not to your parents.  It's a quite a bit different (different country, different laws, and work rather than school) but my manager was on the phone the other day pointing out that as work is acting in loco parentis until I'm 18 they really should know whether my parents are supportive of my name being changed and which toilets I'll be using.  He said that he wasn't going to call them up and demand that they know all about it, but technically he should.  This might be something that you'll want to check up on, because if you're being called Reuben, and you can pass classmates might be funny about you using female bathrooms, but the staff might be funny about you using male ones.

Just a couple of things I think you should consider.  I'm not trying to put you off doing it, if you can then by all means do it, but I'm in a situation now where work knows, my legal name change is in the post, my appointment with therapists is booked, and yet my parents don't know.  It's a mess to be honest and I wouldn't want anyone else getting into it if they can help it.  I've been outted as a lesbian by my school in the past to my parents and that wasn't much fun either.

[aleon515]

@Lxndr-- yeah really really good points!!!

--Jay

[Alexthecat]

You can always go into the school the day before it starts and tour your classes. I use to do that and all the teachers are there getting ready. Great time to tell them.

[Adam (birkin)]

My opinion is that it would be best to go by Sam if your parents aren't supportive. There's a lot of guys named Sam (it's not like your name is Catherine or Jennifer lol), and besides, once you leave HS your life changes so much and so does your social/work circle. You can enter the workforce and/or college as Reuben and you'll be 18 so your parents can't give you quite as much hell.

[wheat thins are delicious]

My opinion is that it would be best to go by Sam if your parents aren't supportive. There's a lot of guys named Sam (it's not like your name is Catherine or Jennifer lol), and besides, once you leave HS your life changes so much and so does your social/work circle. You can enter the workforce and/or college as Reuben and you'll be 18 so your parents can't give you quite as much hell.

I agree with this. 

[ReubenIsTheName]

I've been outted as a lesbian by my school in the past to my parents and that wasn't much fun either.

I know that feeling, bro! All too well. My mother even made the comment that "I accepted you being gay (lesbian), but this is just...!"

Everyone else that's replied so far, thanks for your input! It means a lot to me!  I will definitely take all of this into consideration.