Those days when you just wish life wasn't so hard

[Alexis Paige]

Sometimes I wish life could stop throwing things in my path. Work just sucks. Working for a nonprofit lgbt place was so much fun at first, but more and more I'm seeing it is really just a gb..............t place. For the past week we've been having to discuss all the crap with rupaul and people feeling like it is a complex issue because they don't want to upzet the drag queen who works there. I know this sounds selfish, but what about me? Why do I need to listen to a bunch of bs about why drag queens should be allowed to say ->-bleeped-<- and ->-bleeped-<- whenever they want? Further they want to plan a community night to discuss this. They asked my opinion, which was that was a horrible idea that would have few trans* women there and woild just make people angry. I mean who would want to go to a place that will be motley gay men with some of them in drag and have to defend why those terms are upsetting and not there's to use as they want. Well they listen to me and then decide they are going to plan the event anyways. What was the point in asking my opinion if they weren't going to listen to it?

Add to that it is already stressful enough that I'm a temp employee who doesn't know when their job will end. Its nice that they keep extending my position, but it is so stressful to keep having a job that will only last a month or two with the possibility that it will be extended in the last week.

Then at hkme I'm on the countdown to two of my roommates moving out in a few weeks. Things are so tense with them I don't even want to be at home. Theu don't even care how much it is screwing over myself and my other roommate. It doesn't matter that we agreed to all live together for a year and planned finances based on that. No the moment they start making some money they announce they always want their own place and never actually wanted roommates. I think that's something that could have been brought up before we moved across the state. I could accept them moving out if they dididn't have to be such dicks now. Just because you are moving out doesn't mean you can disregard other people. This is things like starting the dishwasher when I'm in the shower because dishes supposedly can't wait 20min to start and useing a blender at 4am when my room is closes to the kitchen and I need to get up at 6am. I really don't care that you decided you want a late night smoothie before bed. They have even decided that they only want to share the cost of bacon and things like that when it comes to food for the last month. They don't want to share any vegetables costs becuase I'm a vegetarian and eat more of them than they do. Its fine to use my money on meats even though I don't eat any of it, but you don't want any shared money going to a two dollar bag of potatoes because you will only eat about a third of them and not get and an even half of the bag.

Now it feels like I have no where to go. Work is uncomfortable and home is so tense that I'm sitting outside writing this because I don't want to go in. To top it off I'm really starting to feel the effects of hrt emotionally now that I'm into my second week of having e as well as spiro. And it was just the first year anniversary of my fathers death a couple days ago so all of that is stirred up again.

I just needed to vent all that so I wouldn't explode on someone.

[AnneB]

I can feel your hurt, and anger at your roomies, and doing things like short-sheeting their beds, or Saran Wrap the toilet bowl would really be childish... But it would feel sooooo good!!   

I am sorry it's happening tho, honestly.  Do you have just a few days, or a few days and a month to find either new roomies or another place?  No chance of finding someone, even short time to fill in for the nincompoops?  Sorry.. My inner child is showing..  I truly hope you can find great roomies to fill in, or a terrific place to find home again.

[Ltl89]

 Hey Alexis,

I feel for you on the temp thing.  I've done it twice at the same place and am facing a corporate appeal in order to become permanent.  In the meantime, I'm at of work waiting for the results.  The good news about your job is that they've been extending you.  That seems to be a good thing.  Many times non-profits are facing major finacial issues and like to avoid benefits, so tempt workers are much more permanent than they seem. 

And I know how you feel about being an outsider in certain community things.  Being a 25 year old transgirl, it's not very easy to meet people with similar situations, even in transgroups.  At the very least, I try to take comfort in the fact that there are people here that I can relate with.  Sort of fills that gap.

Sorry to hear about the living environment as well.  I hope things work out in the end.