I'm FTM and my girlfriend is confused about her sexuality

[jordanjames]

Hi everyone,

I'm new to this site so I wasn't sure which board to ask this on so I hope this is ok. My girlfriend and I have been together for 6 months and when we met we both identified as lesbian, however in the past couple of months I've begun to realise that I actually feel male. She has been incredibly supportive of me and uses male pronouns and my new name, but lately she has been quite confused over her own sexuality. We both love each other very much, but she's worried that when I start hormones and my body changes, she may not find me physically attractive anymore, even if she still loves me. She has been wondering if maybe she's pan, but is worried what it will mean for us if she works out she still identifies as lesbian.

I know FTMs can still have successful relationships with lesbians, and I know she would 100% still view me as male and support my gender identity, just as I would support her sexuality, but she's worried she won't be attracted to me anymore. Is it possible to still love someone and not find them attractive? All these social constructs are so annoying, I wish we could just love other people and not have to label anything.

Anyway I'm wondering if anyone has been in the same situation and can give some advice, this is quite hard for us. It would mean so much to have some help.

[JamesG]

It's less about labels and more about working with the way our brains are wired about sexual attraction.

You will probably have to be very careful about wooing here and keeping her affections as you transition, especially when the testosterone kicks in and makes you act like a... wait for it... dick.   

Best of luck!

[Kade1985]

I feel for the both of you I do. I was afraid of dating while transitioning myself for very similar reasons. Being FTM and identifying as male I didn't wanna go looking for women who are lesbian or women who are straight and even bi women kind of scared me because it was like.. well I'm changing and it's not just mentally it's physical as well and I didn't wan to open a can of worms.

However I found a girl I'm really in to and she's into me as well and we're dating currently. She uses male pronouns and all that, and my male name and she's been supportive of my transition. We're just of a lucky case cause we're both not really into sex and so we're not really concerned over that sort of stuff...

But for you guys... I'd say take it one step at a time. Try not to fret too much. I know that's easier said than done believe me.... I tend to be a worrier. But one step at a time... And keep in mind things may not work out and yet thing may work out after all. Just gotta take it slow with this situation.

[jordanjames]

Nevermind guys, she came over an broke up with me this morning. Says she still loves me but in a different way to how i love her... Thanks for the responses.

[JamesG]

Aww, well that sucks.   

I guess that greatly simplifies the relationship problem.  Movin' on...