Do ever get mad at yourself for not transitioning/accepting yourself earlier?

[Julia-Madrid]

Hiya

I guess it really has a lot to do with the quality of the life you've lived up to the moment of taking the Big Decision.   Yeah, at 25 I was totally freaked when I came to the clear understanding of who I was, and put it in box for another 20 years.  But those years weren't bad...not 100% good (whose are??), but they gave me great and rich life experiences, and turned me into a reasonable approximation of a human being.   Gender is important, but personality is fundamental 

I tried to sum it up in my subtitle...  Make the best of what you've got and remember that YOU WILL GET THERE!   (She says, impatient as hell to get there sooner!)

xxx
J

[big kim]

I don't get as mad as I used to,I grew up in 60s / 70s Britain and it wouldn't have gone well had I come out at 13.I went through the school failure,self harm,eating disorder,booze, dope,fights trying to prove I was a badass and had I transitioned at 21 instead of 33 it wouldn't have gone well as I wasn't ready and discrimination was rife.

[Rainbow Brite]

Yes and no. I wish I had transitioned when I was a kid, but, at the time, I didn't even know you could even do it. Remember, I'm old enough that I didn't have the internet. But I have no doubts that if I had come out to my parents and they saw just how miserable I was as a boy, they would have tried to do something to help. On the other hand, I would not have had the amazing little boy that I have today. He reminds me so much of myself, only without the dysphoria. So in a way, I am getting to see how I might have turned out if I wasn't trans.

[nimeniJss]

Every effing day! Also, I get doubly frustrated with myself because as I got older I started telling myself it was too late to bother.....  aged 19-21... 
Oh well, it's never too late to try and be happy so I'ma gonna go for it now

[Aquarelle]

I regret not transitioning earlier so much, that I am not only mad, but fall into despair... If I was not that scared little p*ussy and I started, when I was 18, I would never have these hairloss problems, weight gain, stretch marks everywhere, health issues, alcohol, smoking and drugs abuse and so on...
But, yeah, I was so afraid, that my so-called "father" will beat me and throw me out in the streets, so I waited another 15 years to start my transition... Sometimes I even want to kill myself for being such an coward idiot...

[Nero]

Re: Do ever get mad at yourself for not transitioning/accepting yourself earlier?

No. I'm furious with myself for everything else though.

[Ms Grace]

Nope. Considering I came so unbelievably close to transitioning and could have, had that all worked out splendidly, been living as a woman for the last 23 years (almost half my life) I'm not at all angry at myself. I can't change it, past me did what past me did, end of story. I'm happy enough with my current life - transition, job, everything - and sincerely believe I would have imploded long ago had I elected to keep going all those years ago. I'm too focused on and excited by what lies ahead to be berating myself over past actions.

[helen2010]

No.  I learned that looking backwards is a sure fire recipe for a collision.  I own my decisions and my life.  I have consciously sought to learn and to grow.  I am where I should be and I will be where I wish to be.  My challenge is to be more mindful and to live more fully in the moment and therefore not looking back with regret or forward with concern.

Aisla

[Heather]

I would have to say no because the past is best left in the past. I would much rather concentrate on my future than worry about what I could have did differently in my past. 

[blink]

No. It's hard to blame someone, myself included, for not pursuing a solution to a problem when they're under the impression there is no solution.
I'm just glad now to know better and have access to treatment.

[Evolving Beauty]

I had all resources and money possible when I was 14 and looked naturally EFFORTLESSLY female but unfortunately internet did not exist at that time and ->-bleeped-<- was a taboo and officially ILLEGAL in my country that time.

Unfortunately as I had no means no matter what to inform about which hormones to take/buy I ruined myself the consecutive year in puberty.

I started crying for losing my female face and those ugly acnes on my face started growing duh...I got ruined.

Now I need like 18,000$ to recuperate my lost female face during adolescence.

I so regret not having known about hormones before.

[Ltl89]

I have many regrets in my life, yet I can't say things would have been different.  I wanted to transition at 19 rather than start at 24; however, I was a very emotionally fragile person that maybe needed more life experience.  It's a big decision and to see this through requires a lot of inner strength.  I don't have that now, but then my life has showed me that this is my fate no matter what.  Could things have been different?  Maybe, but I don't know and never will.  Maybe I needed to live a bit more and crash and burn.  Maybe I need to crash and burn now.  I don't know.  Again, I have a lot of regrets, but there is no certainty things would have been different or I would do things a different way if I was handed the opportunity.  I'm upset with myself for a lot of what I've done and don't like myself all that much; however, is it possible for me to have been different or is this the person I'm destined to be?  Who knows.  I don't.  All I can do is take life day by day and hope I will find what I'm looking for and sucessfully get through this.  No anger, just reluctance and confusion as to where I'm heading.  In any case, it's too short of a life for me to worry about the past too much.  It's done and I'm already the person that it shaped.  That can't be undone and time will tell what's left.   

[Randi]

No regrets here and I'm 64 years old.  Somehow my early dysphoria decreased by age 16 and I spent the next 40 years acting the part of a fairly normal male.

I got an education, my dream job, two marriages - the second of which has lasted 32 years.  I have a beautiful, talented, highly educated 27 year old daughter.  She is everything I would have liked to have been myself.

I have to congratulate the "fake man" that worked hard and took care of me for so many years.  It wasn't easy to keep suppressing the internal woman, but I somehow managed to keep her down.

I'm retired now with a more than adequate income for the rest of my life.

Around eight years ago the dysphoria began to creep back into my life.  Now I have the freedom to let the woman out of the cage.

Yes, no regrets.  I was granted a reprieve of several decades.  I'm thankful for that.

There are very few people who would willingly choose to be transsexual.  For nearly all, there is no choice.  I was blessed with the ability to hold off the transformation that has proved to be inevitable.

Randi 

[luna nyan]

Not really.
I was aware of my GID when I was about 6-7 years old.  I understood that something could be done when I was 14, this was pre internet.

Didn't do anything at the time, conservative family, and the stereotype for mtfs in the 80s was showgirls and prostitution, not a shining future for someone already feeling like the family pariah.

My original thoughts were transition by age 28 or never, had therapy, life went on, marriage, kids, and now I feel I'm in too deep to do anything more other than low dose HRT.  Other than the GID, my life has been pretty good.

If I had transitioned at age 28, I would be without my children, who are the light of my life.  They have more than made up for the partly resolved GID.

[JadeFla]

When I see pictures of me as a teen where I am androgynous and could easily pass then look in the mirror and see wrinkles and stubble I regret it greatly. At lot has changed in with me and the world in the past 25 years.

[@Diana]

not mad , but i wish i would have known earlier so i could start taking hormone pills since i was 14-15 

[Alainaluvsu]

Coulda shoulda woulda. Uh yeah, all the time. I wanted to when I was 23. Put it off because I wanted to be closer to my brother. What a mistake. Now I am female and my brother still loves me as his sister instead. I'm such an idiot

But, nothing I can do. I count my blessings every day...

[emilyking]

I did initially, because I knew at 14 but ended up waiting until I was 33.

But now days I don't think about it.

I had a lot of regret when I first came out.
The awesome part is I kinda didn't really grow up very male.

[Alyssa Rae]

Definitely regret it.  I had the opportunity to tell my mother at age 15, but was scared to death and kept it under wraps.  Now here I am at 24, 700 miles away from my family and friends.  I have a good paying job and am in a 5 year relationship.  Needless to say, the stakes are a lot higher now, as is the dysphoria.  I'm just hoping I can garner the courage to do what needs to be done soon. 

[emilyking]

It seems all to common, that the main reason we ended up waiting was fear.  It's sad that in our "progressive society", being a transsexual, or  being transgendered is still such a taboo.  Thankfully more people are willing to learn and accept us, but sadly we have a long way to go still.  It is my hope that one day schools will teach students that we are just people like everyone else, just trying to make it through life, who where born just a little different.  I love how people say, "Well if we teach this stuff to children, they will question their gender/sex.".  Based off of what?  Your closed mindedness?  I think a lot of people would have had happier, and fuller lives had they been taught "it's okay to be yourself.", and have all the tools necessary to succeed.

To everyone, in whatever stage your at, be strong and be yourself.  Remember you will always have a family who will love you no matter what your going though.
I know the journey is a long, and painful one, as I'm just starting mine, but I know in the end the pain is worth it to be happy and and to be myself.