Age issues

[sad panda]

This issue is affecting my relationship with my therapist, who is an older guy. I see the age in his face and his body, and I am disgusted as well as preoccupied by my disgust. One reason I'm not making much progress is that I'm keenly aware of his age and can't seem to forget it. My father is even older, and I haven't seen him in decades. It's not awkward only because of trans stuff; I'm not sure I want to see him because he is so old.

Ever since I turned fifty, I've had a keen awareness of the poetic irony of getting older when I'm turned off by senior citizens. I'm getting gray. My body is slowing down. Things are even worse at the moment because I'm temporarily disabled and can't exercise; I've gained about twenty pounds.

And I am trans. I can't imagine any gay man's being interested in the younger me; why would he be attracted to the fiftyish me?

Oh yea, I used to have a therapist like this. One day she came in sick and looked like she could have kicked it right there in session. That one made me really anxious anyway, I don't know it's cuz she was old but her opinions were just so... opinionated, I mean for a therapist. And she had a life of experience to talk about while not talking about me.

My current therapist is a way better fit. Only like 30 and just much more fun to be around and I don't know, somehow i value the relationship and the trust a lot more. It has been very healing. If you have doubts, it's probably worth finding someone new (:

[Natkat]

I feel rather bothered about my age even when i'm only 21. =/ in general I felt pretty bad about turning into my 20ies cause that ment "I now am a full grown up person" and despite the age I don't feel my life is very much like a grown up.

I got friends a my age who both have there own apartment and cars and study on high levels on universaty, but I don't have a job and no income means I cant efford living by myself, Neither do I have a car or an universaty degree but simple studing regular subjects =/. mentally people usunally say im more mature but practically my life haven't changed much since I was 16 and it bother me alot.
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I think most of my age hate also has to do with the way I been brought up. I been growing up with the belif that I would never be as good as other. I was not allowed to take the buss to school before I was 15 while normally kids can do so when they are 11. neiter was my education level high. Back then i did not care so much cause I belived I really wasn't worthy of it, beside I was very depressed and didn't care cause I didn't thought I would be older than 20 anyway. Now i'm 21 and I know i'm worthy and can do what other people can, but I feel I lost some years which put me behind of my age and its really annoying me.

[EmmaD]

I'm 52 and approaching the age my father died which freaks me out a bit.  The test says 18 but my daughter thinks my mental age is more around 5!!  I think that as long as I am alert and physically well, I can generally just be me and forget age.  If I am unwell or injured, I tend to feel the years and get a bit down on it.  Guess the secret is to be physically and mentally fit and age then means little.

[Dee Marshall]

I'm 52 and approaching the age my father died which freaks me out a bit.

You too? My father and older brother both died at fifty two. I finally breathed a sigh of relief when I hit fifty three. I definitely get where you're coming from.

[Tysilio]

At 60-ish, my age only bothers me when I think about how much I've missed by not transitioning before now and how much pain that has caused me. I mind some of the effects of aging -- I'm starting to get some arthritis in my hands and whatnot. But I would never want to go back to being 16 or 20 or whatever; I was miserable, knew nothing, and had no perspective about anything, and life is a lot more fun now that I pretty much know what's going on.

As far as looks go... I look at people who are 20 or so, and very few of them even have faces; they're just sort of blank, and they look pretty much alike. To me, the way someone's face shows their life is what makes them beautiful -- or not.

I did that test and my mental age came out to 35, which is sort of encouraging, I guess.