Is it hard for you to try to accept acceptance?

[teeg]

Thats because I was taught, brutally, that it was very bad to be sensitive, non stereotypical male, and heavens forbid anything transgender.

I'm always confused why people consider themselves as, "being transgender."

You're either a man or a woman.

Transitioning isn't something that defines anyone, in my opinion it's just a chore to match your body with your mind.

[helen2010]

I'm always confused why people consider themselves as, "being transgender."

You're either a man or a woman.

Transitioning isn't something that defines anyone, in my opinion it's just a chore to match your body with your mind.

teeg

Many folk think in terms of binaries. Sexuality, genitalia, presentation, affectation, personality, leadership style etc can often be captured by using the binary male/female, masculine/feminine etc. However while this approach is often convenient and a good approximate it is likely to be clumsy and not capable of capturing nuance in any of the above areas never mind in the most important area of all ie core identity, gender identity, self identification etc.

It is a fact that for many of us we feel differently and respond differently according to interaction, situation, circumstance, socio economic relationship, mood, history et al. We respond intuitively with nuance - from change in non verbal cues like body language/gestures/affectation; clothing/hair/style/look; verbal language; verbal pitch/style/intonation/inflexion; deliberate physical or permanent  changes by surgery etc; physical change from a different hormone regimen (binary opposite to their natal chemistry or indeed all points in between) etc. The net effect is for an individual to express themselves as a composite of many signals/features etc -  as a composite which presents a perspective to another ...  now this could be an attempt to fully and to authentically  communicate their identity or it may just be a chimera, just a flash of one side of their identity which may may flow or change deliberately or instinctively.  For some this is an entirely honest and authentic response, for others it may be a carefully controlled performance.  Both could apply to a binary identifying person and both could apply to a gender fluid, gender queer, transgendered person.

Now many forum members have been been better able to capture and express the essence of a non binary experience than Ativan.   Ativan is better able than I to articulate the reality of a non binary paradigm than I am currently equipped to express.  But in spite of my limitations  I hope that you now sense that a binary view on most anything is often limiting, perhaps unintentionally disrespectful and should like most language only be consciously and respectfully applied.

Of course when you start to consider that gender is in fact mere bunkum, a societal artifice and perhaps now an artefact used to reinforce biological and social difference and advantage, then you may be more open to a more nuanced, less binarised and potentially less clumsy view of the world.  For me this is a core part of my journey.  Seeking truth and authenticity in myself and in others requires that I challenge and question what at first seems self evident and apparently 'obvious'.

In this context transitioning is in fact changing.  It may well be, as you say, a deliberate journey from one binary identity to another, but for an increasing number of others it is far more than this.  The journey or indeed the dance may in fact be far, far more important than the original destination.

Safe travels

Aisla

[stephaniec]

I just don't see the big deal. I'm a transgender. so what.

[helen2010]

I just don't see the big deal. I'm a transgender. so what.

Stephanie

Completely agree but my post was in response to Teeg who I undertstood to be questioning the validity of, or need for the term transgender as she categorises folk as a binary ie "as either a man or a woman" which excludes/ does not validate other experiences captured under the broad descriptor of transgender.

Aisla

[Satinjoy]

As usual Aisla you give me a lot to think about, and I feel quite validated and protected by you...

Its a huge big deal for me, if it is not for others, that is a gift to you.    I am glad for it.  For me, with so much at stake and with the vulnerablility that I feel, and the past abuse scenario, it is a life and death struggle to stay sane and to become authentic.

Which I was able to be today, my core has shifted towards the transwoman as a result of this thread and as a result of an awesome and unexpected panic call to Miss Julie by me.  I am so isolated  that Miss Julie is the only trans person I have ever spoken to about trans.  During the chat with Julie, Satinjoy, (real me), took control and she stayed in control right through the work hours.  Powerfully.

Before, It was not ok for me to be me.  Now it is paramount for me to be me, because fighting it brought me to a nervous  breakdown earlier this week, and I thought prior to that that I was doing ok.  Not so.  But actually given all the odds, I think I am doing great, even with all this pain and emotional craziness.  Didn't expect to hit the wall a second time though. 

The support systems or rather the people here at Susan's are enormous.  Some may may be tougher, but I need them and I need them big time.

So I have been out today again, andro presentation, nails out and clear polished, and doing everything I can to breath, feel, and be in the free core I am learning is far from the shameful person I was told I was, and am instead a vibrant, caring and beutiful internal woman and human being, useful to this world and needing to dare to be real, presentation not mattering but repression finally being cast aside.

It felt really good.  And my wife reinforced today that she does not want a divorce, does not want to live alone, loves me unconditionally and is called by her Christ to embrace and carry me though, she does not want to see be break or suicide out, she just wants to love and to be loved.  She doesn't like it when I am sitting trans and exposed physically in a slip and tee shirt, but she gets past it quick, her love overpowers it.  I am very lucky.  I pray it remain sustainable.

Oh and with Satinjoy freed up still (sorry about 3rd person its obviously not a split here), I got really passionate and sensual with her in bed today.  I cannot begin to say how incredible that is, to be real there too.  Somehow, she is responsive to this, even though she is not lesbian and is actually quite homophobic.  Paradox.   

So I share the victory here with you.  Working the acceptance here, and trying as hard as I can to be transparent, authentic, and genuine.  There is no "act" with me about trans in any way.  It is all coming from the inside and just flows, the trick for me is breathing, not tensing up, and letting it flow, and trusting it will all be ok.

The old saying is some are sicker than others.  I was very sick.  Now I am very trusting and open, at least in here in the reletive safety and protection of the forum.

I wonder just how far my Satinjoy is going to fly... I can't seem to predict anything anymore.  Still planning on not crossing boundaries though, I accept that my wife simply cannot handle seeing my body.  Such a small thing.  No biggie.  The full transition issue is tougher but i think it'll be ok since I have the genderfluid thing.

Thanks so much Girls and Boy for all of your great compassion and support.  You need to feel good about what you have done here.

[helen2010]

Satinjoy

Your post has given me such a boost I cannot wipe the smile from my face and the joy from my heart.   Your journey; your raw and honest engagement with yourself, with your wife and with us is such a gift; I sit in awe.

Long and happy may your travels be.

Love

Aisla