I'm not sure if this is the correct topic to post in but uhg need to semi vent.
TL;DR at bottom
I have a pretty open and accepting family. My dad is on the fence per say but my mom and her side of the family have been pretty amazing so far.
I got outed by my dad about 2 weeks ago when he told his parents about me. Oh well I guess. Could of gone better but I won't complain too much.
But their ignorance is showing through and I finally hit that last step with my patience for them. My grandparents are in their 70's. Close minded, religious, bigoted, homophobic, don't like change and refuse to understand it.
When they found out they didn't say a word to me about it until today. (When I spoke to my dad 2 weeks ago about it he said the only thing my grandmother complained about was that I didn't speak to her often enough.)
So I called last Friday and she answered, didn't even say hello to me, just handed the phone to my 7 year old daughter. (She visits every weekend)
Ok, so communication apparently isn't top priority with my grandma..
Dismiss it and go about my weekend.
My grandpa brings home my daughter today(since she has school tomorrow) and literally as we are standing there he says, I'm worried that your transition is hurting your daughter. Wtffff?! I told him, uhm no. No it isn't. She's know literally a few days since January about all of this. Explained in detail and not only understood it, was OK with it.
I'll paint the 2 sided picture I got today.
-Grandpa says he took her to the park and said when it was time to go he remarked," Ok time to go home to see Hex and Dustin" and my daughter replies with, " Don't say Hex that makes me feel embarrassed."
So we ask Anjerial, while my grandpa ran around the corner to grab transmission fluid for the van we've been borrowing since our car is in the shop atm, why does it embarrass you when they say my new name?
She says she feels bad when grandma and grandpa say it because they only say it when they are mad and saying bad things about my husband and I. And then use my birth name when they aren't mad.
Ok that makes sense. My grandparents have turned my new name into a new swear word around their house. Wonderful. /end sarcasm
So I bring that up to my grandpa when he returns and he flat out calls my daughter a liar and she's just confused. I offered 4 times before he left my house to have a sit down and chat with him and my grandma about all of this. Every single time he said no or changed the subject.
This was my last straw. I put up with their crap for many many years. But I will NOT have them mentally screw up my daughter. I was hoping this wouldn't come to where it was. I crossed my fingers, and hoped that maybe they wouldn't do this to her since they "Care" so much about her. I tried. I really did. And I was proven right in the end.
I didn't want to be proven right but I can't stand to see her come home every weekend and feel ashamed about who her parents are. Or go all week and feel suppressed, like it's a sin to say who I am. I can't watch her suffer like that.
So here I ask, sorry for it being so long winded, do family members like this ever have a turn around moment? I've decided my daughter won't be going back to their house anymore, not at least until they speak to me about all of this. But does anyone have family that started out this twisted and then turned somewhat for the better?
My grandmother especially has been like this for years. She's one of those people who will sit and agree with you, act like your best friend and then not 5 seconds after you leave, swear up and down you're the worst person on the planet. I know because she's been doing it all my life. I've caught her in it, she's done it to me, my dad, my mom, brothers, everyone. I don't want to paint an awful picture of them as bad as this is impacting us at the moment.
They are one of the only family members in my family that openly help us when we need it. But it's like a double edged sword for us right now. I don't want to think I still won't be really speaking with them come their death beds.
Any light of hope at the end of the tunnel?
TL;DR: Very anti change sour grandparents mentally scarring my daughter. Have you experienced family members who hate your transition, ever turn around for the better?
