Need help with a few problems

[Pizzaparty78]

Updated 5/13/14 on latest post.

Hey everyone, I'm Gracyn. I've got a few problems that I need some advice/guidance on. Thanks
1. So, I feel like I identify as FTM personally, but I've been questioning my hender for over 3 years now and just cant feel 100% positive about myself when I try to come out. Considering that I am still a minor, I have a lot of time, but I've been confused for so long, I just want to figure myself out (not to sound ignorant). I feel confident up until I attempt to talk to my mom, where from there it all crumbles down and I doubt myself severely. I've tried asking for a therapist several times, each time was a no go. :/

2. As I stated above that I feel like I'm FTM, but Im not sure. I'd like to try to transition before the next school year starts if I can gain my confidence (go from Gracyn to Grayson and she to he,nothing too much) but my friend of nearly 9 years will be visiting and he is very religious and I'm afraid of his reaction, along with the rest of my friends reactions. I dont want to lose our friendship over something I need to do.

Sorry if these two are contradicting or confoicting, but it is hard to get All of this down wihout a larger wall of words lol. Thanks again.

[Kreuzfidel]

I think there's nothing wrong with trying out a new name and male pronouns.  In fact, it's probably the best way to test the waters, so to speak.

As far as your fears of losing your friends - well, honestly do you want people in your life who reject you because of who you are?  I don't call those people friends.  Even if they hide behind their religion, they're still judging you.  I think whether or not you let your fears of what others may think of you overrule your desire to find yourself, it's a choice you have to make based on what is most important to you and your happiness.

Do you not have access to a school counselor?

[ReubenIsTheName]

I can understand your feelings. What my friends and parents would think were the main things that stopped me for a long time. But, if they don't accept you for what you are, they can't be called your friends, and you should find people that do treat you and respect you like you deserve.

I think there's nothing wrong with trying out a new name and male pronouns.  In fact, it's probably the best way to test the waters, so to speak.

Do you not have access to a school counselor?

I agree with Kreuz in both of those points. I've started having my friends call me by my new chosen name, and by proper pronouns, and it has definitely reinforced my confidence that this is what I really am. It feels so...right when people call me those. I smile every time.

The counselor thing is also a problem I know about all too well. My mom refuses to let me see a counselor in town that is actually versed in trans* therapy, and the one I'm seeing now will honestly tell me she doesn't have training or much experience in that field. Since your mom won't let you see one, a school counselor will be your best bet, if available. They can't (here, anyway) tell your anyone (including your parents) anything you tell them unless your life or someone else's is in danger. Something to think about.

[Pizzaparty78]

Thanks for the replies guys. Trying out he and Trayson would be a good way to test he waters, I hadn't though of that, I should give it a go soon.

As for a counselor, my school does have one, he is only available Monday-Friday :/ . We have a friendly relationship, snce Im in the club he rns that helps our community, but it'd be strange to talk to him on such a topic, but it is all I've got at this point. I should try next week then, hopefully.

[Pizzaparty78]

Sorry to bring up an older topic here, but I thought I'd provide and update.

I came out to my best friend (the one not of 9 years, but at my school) and he was really accepting and happy for me. He encouraged me to talk to my parents last night, and I did that too. Awesomely enough, I didnt have my severe doubts like before! I'm going by "he" around the house for now, although it's like a test run like how was suggested above. It feels so nice!

My only problem now is whether or not to get a haircut now or not. I really want to, but with there being only 1 month of school left, idk if I should just wait since Im only out to my best friend and everyone at school would go wild. If I dont get one, however, it makes hings awkward because I dont pass outside my home with long hair, making it hard on my family pronoun wise.
Thanks, any thoughts?

[Spiritwlker]

If you want to try out new shorter hair, go for it! Whether you pass or not shouldn't really be an issue as lots of people of all different genders have short hair. If anyone gives you a rough time at school just shrug and say you wanted to try something different and cooler for summer.

[Tysilio]

Look at some pictures, find a short cut you like that's pretty androgynous, and take the picture with you to the haircutter. Best of both worlds, neh?

And congratulations on coming out to your family, and on having it go so well!

ETA: Here's a place you might start:
http://menshairstyles.net/

Google is your friend...