low voice and unknowing parents

[Frank]

So, I've been on T about two months now. I haven't recorded my voice every few weeks or even at all, but I can tell there's been a significant drop and now I have no problem making phone calls (this was an issue because omg girly voice maybe?) Now then, I don't live with my parents. The stress level is just too damn high with them. They're not bad people, they're just...dramatic. About everything. So I don't tell my mom anything. It took me weeks just to tell her I had a job.

Anyway, I finally called to tell her I had a job and when she picked up "Whoa." "What?" "You sound like Grandpa." I've told her twice I was transsexual. She didn't understand at age 17 and it was never discussed. I told her again more recently over the phone (there was much crying.) I still don't think she understands exactly what that entails because she almost had a meltdown when it was awkwardly mentioned I was going by a male name in society and that I was going to change it. "Well, you know x has the same name and he likes it..." or "I understand you're going as male in public now, but why do you have to cut your boobs off?"

I should probably actually sit down and talk to her in detail about this, but I'm probably not going to. For one, she's hundreds of miles away. Two, I'm private and never was very talkative about my life, especially to her because she has dramatic reactions to everything. I don't even know what my question is now, I'm just trying to figure out "Oh hey mom, so I've been on testosterone for a few months now and my voice is all deep and things pLEASE STOP CRYING."

How the heck do you make your ignorant parents understand you're completely changing into a man? I'm not even worried about them cutting me off. I have to make them understand in the first f'ing place to get to the disowning part. And no I'm not comfortable putting it into a letter. We should probably have a therapy session or two together but again, miles apart.

[Arch]

Well, if a face-to-face interaction isn't possible, your main options are the telephone, some form of written communication, and more modern possibilities such as Skype. I don't know about your parents, but I doubt that mine are up on the latest tech. Hell, I don't do Skype, but I could very well belong to your parents' generation and therefore be less likely to do the latest thing. However, I do have a webcam. I suppose I might just give Skype a chance if I liked someone enough and weren't a chronic introvert.

Still, would something like that be a possibility for you and your mother?

[Frank]

Arch, I don't even know how to work the webcam on my computer. None of us are particularly computer savvy even though I should technically be. I'm seriously the type to just leave this for months on end until a family vacation and by then I quite possibly could have a full beard, or enough of it. I can see the look on her face now. Great.

[wheat thins are delicious]

The stress level is just too damn high with them. They're not bad people, they're just...dramatic. About everything. 

If they are that dramatic about everything, just imagine how they will react when they find out how long you've waited to tell them this.  The longer you wait the worse it's likely to be, imo.

If you've told her twice already and she doesn't understand I suggest you send her a detailed email and explaining what you are doing and why you are doing it and that you won't be engaging in any further discussion of what you are doing and why you are doing it. 

[Arch]

My parents and I were estranged for decades. I'm now communicating with my father (by letters--no in-person meetings), and I came out to him late last year after my transition was a done deal. He was pretty shocked, apparently. It came as a great surprise. I don't know how things would have gone if I'd written to him at the start of my transition or before I had begun.

In some ways, the "done deal" is a great advantage. If you live as a man for quite some time, people have a hard time insisting that you are going through a phase. People can't try to argue you out of starting transition. They can't hold you emotionally or financially hostage. And if you suddenly show up at a family reunion, sporting a beard and speaking in a low voice (as I guy I know apparently did), then people are confronted head-on by who you are.

Maybe that sort of strategy is not the greatest choice for you if your parents are so "dramatic." But I've also run into guys whose parents didn't truly start to understand UNTIL their sons had undergone a complete transformation. If the conventional methods (letters, e-mails, phone conversations) aren't having sufficient impact, then you might be forced to go through one of those dramatic in-person confrontations while you are at a family get-together.