Panic at first?

[Kylie]

Yeah, Seeing someone who is experienced with these issues is very important.  The therapist I saw when I was 20 had never dealt with this before so she was just more of someone I could spill my heart out to, and a safe place to cry.  My counselor now, specializes in transgender issues and it has provided both a safe place to express feelings and also someone who knows the right questions to ask to move a client forward.  The best part is that they can also answer your questions and have knowledge of/access to resources that are often hard or time consuming to find for therapists who have not specialized in it.  The difference is night and day.  Best wishes!

[Sincerely Tegan]

So maybe I should just ask for the referral now? :-/

Am I just stalling?

[Christine167]

Well it's cool to ask for the referral but you might still want to speak to your therapist in person when you do. There is likely more than one good candidate for your referral with experience and not every doctor advertises such experience. You want to a doctor that you are comfortable with. So take it slow and do your homework on the referral. Ask for some choices and contact info.

Where I am there are several experienced therapists who advertise dealing gender issues. But only one came up from my all my friends. I see her now even though she's not on my approved doctors list and it has been worth every penny. It has been less like a therapist and more like a combination therapy, education, legal council, and connection group. Alway happy to see me, never distant and always very personal and up to date on what's happening with me.

Depending on the terms on your insurance I would very much advise that the referral diagnosis code be left as your original (non gender issue) reason for being there. And try if you can to find a therapist who already has good connections with a MD like an endocrinologist even if you don't plan on HRT because they will have good insight for you. Least to say my diagnosis code for my visits to the endo aren't listed as gender related so I'm still just paying the copay there thank goodness.

[Kylie]

I see her now even though she's not on my approved doctors list and it has been worth every penny. It has been less like a therapist and more like a combination therapy, education, legal council, and connection group. Alway happy to see me, never distant and always very personal and up to date on what's happening with me.

Depending on the terms on your insurance I would very much advise that the referral diagnosis code be left as your original (non gender issue) reason for being there. And try if you can to find a therapist who already has good connections with a MD like an endocrinologist even if you don't plan on HRT because they will have good insight for you. Least to say my diagnosis code for my visits to the endo aren't listed as gender related so I'm still just paying the copay there thank goodness.

Exactly what Christine said ^. Mine is out of network as well, but I feel the same way, she has been worth every extra penny.  Great advice on the coding issue!  My therapist codes it as a vague life/event adjustment so the insurance can't get too nosey or use it against me later.  I found her on the psychology today website, you can do a search for therapists in your area by specialty.

[Allyda]

Given your situation and that you already have a therapist you feel somewhat comfortable with, my advice would be to do as you suggested above. Give your current therapist one more visit but do get the referral to the gender therapist while there. You never know. Your current therapist might be just what you need right now to get you leavelheaded enough to where you can make better and more informed decisions on where and how best to proceed from this point forward.

As for me I've known I was a girl from my earliest waking moments in early childhood. I never panicked over who I was or the fact I was female as I've always been sure of this and comfortable in my core identity. Where the panic attacks, and there were too many to count over the years, came was when I kept hitting the brick wall over trying to transition and not being able to for one reason or another that at the time in my very anxiety ridden mind, seemed legitimate. Then they came on again as I got older over the loss of so many years to misery that I could have lived happily had I not let those afore mentioned reasons stop me from transitioning. Even after going full time 5 years ago I lived with the panic and depression over those lost years until 4 months ago when I started my hrt. On my third day in, the panic and depression roller coater ride finally ended and I have never been happier.

Everyone's situation is a little different though simmilarities exist in all of our stories. In the end you need to do what makes you feel the most comfortable given your situation and those facts that only you can know. If you get a good vibe from your current therapist why not give him or her one more appointment to help you sort out a plan of action. Like you've stated you'll cover your bases and be confident once your on your way you've made the correct and smart decisions.

Best of luck to you Tegan whichever route you decide upon.

Ally

[Jennygirl]

For me it was panic induced by excitement. And since it happened at a time in my life where I was able to fully take hold of my situation, it catapulted me into transition with a fierceness I didn't know I had in me. I haven't looked back once. Onward and upward!

[JesseG]

Not panic. Relief. I struggled with a lot of depression in my 20s, and finally figuring out what was behind it all was an immense weight lifted off my shoulders.
Half the work of fixing a problem is figuring out what the problem is.

There's the usual anxiety about age, presentation, coming out, etc etc, but none of them manage to overshadow the relief. The last half a year is probably the happiest I've been in a decade, despite the turmoil.

[stephaniec]

no panic, just the end of denial

[Veronica M]

I'm getting in this thread a little late, but for me it was not really panic with the exception of seeing my therapist for the first time, which was more a blurt of 45 years of pent up frustration. Then it became more acceptance than anything. Of course I have the normal fear of fitting in, but it is becoming less an issue as I am surrounding myself with people that are accepting me as me. Also accepting myself in the process also... I do a lot of psychological research so perhaps I can see the pitfalls one can fall into in the process of transition. But it really is a put one foot in front of the other deal for me. So when I accomplish something in my transition I feel good about it. Going to therapy every week and having a great therapist helps a lot also. I have to give credit where it is due in that department. I always walk away feeling warm and fuzzy, feeling like I have made the right decision.