Partner has decided it is time to transition

[RojoBoho]

Hi all! So glad to find a place where spouses and partners can share our experiences. I am going to begin this by saying that we only made the decision to begin transition 3 weeks ago so you WILL hear me refer to my spouse as my husband or as "he" at times. I am 100% on board and accepting (and excited to watch her blossom into my wife!) but old habits die hard and I do not mean any disrespect by this to my spouse or any of the other beautiful women on here!

Just wanted to get that out of the way. 

So far, the only people we have told are my partner's ex-wife (and mother of their two sons) and she has been very supportive. We have two young children and our 4 year old daughter knows and simply responded with "I think it will be fun to have two moms!" and our 2 year old just says things like "Ohhh, Daddy! I like you skirt!" so I am hopeful the transition will be easy for them. We have told a couple close friends, and they are supportive, but I wonder if the friendships will remain strong, ya know? Family will be a big issue, but I am very new to this and very hopeful.

As for me, like I stated, I'm on board and excited. There is some part of me mourning a loss, that I think some of you will understand. I love my husband and I love his masculine traits and...speaking very bluntly...I love our current sex life. HOWEVER, I love my partner on a very deep level and truly feel I will be just as happy loving her as my beautiful wife. Maybe even happier, because with each day she is dressing up and feeling beautiful, she is becoming more herself and even more like the person I fell in love with - if that makes sense.

I have two ultimate concerns: that our relationship stays strong and I feel involved in this process (that might sound meddling, as I do understand this is ultimately my partners journey, but I really want to feel like a participant in this, not just an observer) and am ablet to be supportive. My second concern is for our kids. I don't want them to lose family members over this or anything.

Anyway, that is where we are now and I am so excited to get to know all of you! Thanks for reading this.

[LordKAT]

Hi Rojoboho.
Welcome to Susan's.

I'm glad you found us and hope all works out well. There is a lot of people who will be glad to see a supportive spouse around.

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[RojoBoho]

Thanks for your response! I appreciate the rules links.

I should clarify on my earlier post that while she's only made the decision to transition 3 weeks ago, we have been in therapy working on coming to a definite idea of what has been going on for 5 years. She spent a looooong time being vague at best and outright dishonest at worst (though I understand why) in regards to her true feelings. She is finally at a place of clarity and honesty and beginning to dress how she is comfortable and such around the house, and on Tuesday we have another appointment with our therapist (who is also MtF trans) to discuss beginning hormones. I wasn't terribly clear about what stage of transition we are in!

[LordKAT]

Thanks for the clarification. I'm glad you are working with a therapist to help out with all the issues that can come up. There are so many who don't, (or won't) work with someone to at least understand where their partner is coming from. You deserve a lot of credit for sticking around and being supportive.

[Crackpot]

Welcome to the board.

My wife is also MTF, started her process last year. Like you, I have always been 110% supportive in the transition and have been pretty involved. I DEFINITELY try to avoid the "meddling" realm you mentioned. I tend to give my opinion on something but ultimately respect her decisions. That's always been the way our relationship has been though. The only time I really put my foot down was in the frequency of therapy. I didn't think once a month was enough and really urged her to increase it to bi weekly. I didn't see it as an outrageous request, but an important one to me. Yes, this is mostly about your partner's journey, but it is still a partnership and you need to be comfortable in it. You just need to find that good balance in your lives. Other than the one instance, I just try to let my wife know that if she needs help I'm available.

I'm no help with the kids/family concern. We don't have any children and while we haven't lost a family member yet, it's not to say it's completely off the table. There have been ups and downs with that since she came out to everyone in February. Unfortunately, that kind of thing is a real concern, but I try to look at it as "are those the kind of people I want in my life". For me, the answer is no. Even my super religious grandparents make an effort to understand because they love us and want us to be happy. Those are the kinds of people I want around. But I know that kind of mind set can change when children are in the picture.

Anyway, best of luck to you both during this new adventure.