Soo, today ((May 2)) Was my endo appointment, at a children's hospital because of my age. And I just want to share my experience, after a most particular week of serious stress. Let me start off with last week, when I was getting everything ready.
MONDAY
Started me off horribly, A huge, loud, fight with my mom where she threatened to not take me to my endo, or my therapist ((Who I needed to go to for my letter and questions)) Which led to me threatening to kill myself, which by the way, I would never ever do. And my mom saying she didn't care, caused me to cut again ((Which I haven't done for about 3 years now.)) However, I didn't continue, it only made me feel worse.
TUESDAY
Was better, my mom calmed down and realized that denying me treatment was only gonna make everything worse. However, I did get about 30 minutes late to my session. I went to my therapist, asked him a ton of questions about the endo he recommended me to and requested my letter. It reassured me ((As I was glad to know my endo had worked with trans youth before.)) And he said he was going to fax the letter to the hospital.
WEDNESDAY
I had a doctors appointment for a physical, which I had to reschedule to Thursday. Because, ironically enough, my mom felt bad. Day was calm and i was still researching stuff over the hospital and endo.
THURSDAY
Was strange, I once again missed my doctors appointment, but for a completely different reason. My school when into lockdown and later received a threat, causing the whole place to be evacuated and all the buses to be backed up. I had to reschedule my appointment to Friday. And get myself to stop worrying.
FRIDAY
After a jittery day at school with police crawling everywhere, I got home and when to my doctor ((Who's office had literally been relocated just next door, much to my amusement. I came out for the first time at the doctor's, struggling to explain why I was going to an endocrinologist and why they had to fax my medical records before next Friday. Thankfully everyone was understanding and very, very nice. My physical went great!
tldr; Stuff happened, me very worried
Now, the week after that ((This week)) was followed by a slowly increasing anxiety level where I was rushing around, triple and quadruple making sure I had everything ready, even bringing things I didn't need.
Here were my worries...
~My 'refferal' wasn't good enough because it came from a therapist instead of a physician.
~I was somehow going to forget something important.
~I was going to be late or we wouldn't have enough money for parking.
~My endo didn't work with trans* people/didn't know.
~My endo was going to deny me hormones, and I couldn't afford hormone blockers.
~That the appointments were months apart ((Because I had to wait for 2 months for this initial appointments
~Anything else my worrisome mind didn't have covered.
THE DAY BEFORE
My mom just HAD to go get her boyfriend, who never lets us sleep. After a couple hours of them blathering on in bed and him trying to get it on ((Right in FRONT of my by the way.)) And my mom being an absolute B whenever I got out of bed and told them politely to hush and sleep because A) I couldn't sleep, and B) They are lazy bastards, so I doubted I would be able to get them up.
Honestly, I was so afraid that I would die from a heart attack or stroke right then and there, trying to get to sleep. Because my heart was beating so fast and I was sweating badly from worry. ((Gonna talk to my therapist about this))
THE DAY
I woke up first, at 5:00am, an entire 3 hours before my actual appointment, got dressed and waited till 6:00am to wake up my mom, since she was incredibly stubborn, saying she refused to wake up anytime beforehand. I managed to get their lazy butts outta bed, where they then decided to treat it as any other morning and take their sweet time getting dressed, making my anxiety get about ten times worse.
When we finally did get on the way, I was happy and nervous, thankfully the traffic was light. We got there easily enough however, the parking was a different story, we were confused as to where to go and what to do, we had to backtrack many times but eventually got to the hospital, where we got directed to her department. I'm still surprised I didn't trip or collapse because my legs and hands were shaking so badly, I could barely hold my documents folder in my hands.
We checked in at the front desk, where I found out I had everything in order and all the documents I could ever need. I sat and watched Spongebob while filling out some forms, and waited until I called on.
THE ENDOCRINOLOGIST
I sat in the examination(?) room, waiting for her to come. It didn't take long at all, she entered with a student and immediately asked me with my preferred name and pronouns were, this was my first indication that she was going to be great. We sat down and she immediately asked me questions, I had a fun time actually! She was incredibly nice about everything and I told her about my therapist, why I want HRT, school, how my health was.
Absolutely none of my worries came true, I asked her what was the soonest I could start testosterone, and at first, she told me that she normally didn't start people until 16 years, and I told her that WPATH guidelines had changed, and there is no minimum age for hormones as long as the person has started puberty ((I checked this beforehand)) She nodded, and told me that she did start some on HRT before they were 16, and basically said, if all my health was in order, I didn't have to wait.
Before we left for a couple labs we needed to get done, I got a full body exam, which was incredibly awkward but I didn't mind, it's for the hormones! After that, she said that as soon she gets the letter my therapist faxed ((since it gets a while to get sorted with all the other hospital faxes)), that she would read it over and call me. I didn't even have to set up a up a follow up appointment, that she could overbook me in 1-2 weeks if her schedule was full! It's likely that I could receive my first shot at my next appointment!
NOW
I am so happy, and my parents are too. I've finally reached some kind of calm at this point, maybe I can finally relax for a bit, but I still got a lotta things to do, ((Name change, Top surgeons, Grades, Money issues.)) But it's finally another obstacle I'm managing to get over. (:
