Could use the community's advice/opinions

[CourtneyAngelina]

It's been about six months since I've made a post on here. I haven't had much to say. I have just let the past six months go by as fast as possible, waiting for that opportune time to begin transition. Well, I feel like I'm really close... but there are some really big obstacles in my way, of which, I would like to ask the community here for their advice and opinions on how to approach these obstacles and hopefully begin transition before my 19th birthday ( I promised myself this year that this would be the last birthday I spent doing nothing about my situation ).

Anyways, time for me to explain my dilemma a little bit. I am a pre-everything MtF transgender woman who would like to begin transition this summer. I graduate from high school within a month and that was one major factor as to why I hadn't transitioned, I wasn't brave enough to transition in high school ( or middle school for that matter... ). So now that that is out of the way, I feel one step closer. But unfortunately I have two new problems ( well, one not new, but one I now have to face one way or another ).

The first problem is telling my parents. I still live with them and I don't think I am strong enough to tell them and then ever be able to look them in the eye again. I will be so embarassed, so ashamed, and feel like somehow I've failed them ( they are both fairly against the LGBT movement ). I think that I will be given an ultimatum, and that I will have to never act upon my feelings and transition, or that I will have to move out. The problem is, I don't have anywhere to go. And to be honest, I'm a poor teenager. I could afford to slowly fund transition by itself if I still had a roof over my head, but I don't think I will have one if I do transition. Waiting isn't an option for me, the older I get, the more masculine I get, and I'm just not going to sit idly for another year or two or however long it will take to become independent ( if that could ever happen at all to begin with in this economy... ).

The second problem is also somewhat attached to the first problem, regarding my living situation. My parents have decided, now that I am graduating high school, that they want to move back to their hometown where all our family is and my old friends of childhood are. I don't think I can face that reality, transitioning in front of my parents is hard enough, but for all my childhood friends and family who live there, that might just push it over the edge for me. Either way, I can't move out there without doing one of two things. I either have to tell my parents everything beforehand, so I know where my living situation stands upon moving, or I have to beat them to the punch and move out. And by moving out I mean moving onto the street, which is... obviously not a very practical option...

I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm hoping someone here has some advice, or something they can tell me to either encourage me, or to instruct me, or whatever really. I just need some help.






**On a side note, if possible, could I get a recommendation for a doctor in the LA area that prescribes hormones on informed consent? (preferably someone with personal experience with the doctor, not just found on a list somewhere on the internet) I know what I'm getting into, and don't have the money for therapy, or the time for that matter, with me moving away and all. I have a few in mind, but would definitely rather act on a recommendation rather than just a random list on the internet.

[Jessica Merriman]

Hi sweetie! That is a terrible position to be in. Is college a possibility? I found my Therapist at Oklahoma State University Psychology Department and it is only $10.00 a session. There are several girls transitioning on campus and it doesn't seem to be a problem at all. Todays attitudes are more accepting and if college is a possibility you would have housing and health care services. Check your local campus if this sounds like an option. Other than that I have no great wisdom for your situation. I think it would be much harder if you moved with them back to an area where everyone knows you. It depends a lot on your friends attitudes toward GLBT topics and acceptance. Sounds like you may be homeless either way. I sure hope not. Tough choice baby so think hard on it. Good luck!

[Ms Grace]

OK, you have a lot of potential obstacles there but instead of seeing them as insurmountable (which will only make you feel lousy and hopeless) try to think of ways around or over them. Even if you decide to start transition tomorrow you don't have to tell your folks. The process between talking to a counsellor getting to see an endocrinologist and starting HRT and the effects being noticeable can be a year at least. You will need to work out to fund that, medical insurance and the like. Is there a better chance you can get employment if you move back with your folks? If so consider what one years worth of income can do for your independence, etc and how you'll be situated when you're ready to kick it up a notch. Anyway, just a few thoughts.

[CourtneyAngelina]

Hi sweetie! That is a terrible position to be in. Is college a possibility? I found my Therapist at Oklahoma State University Psychology Department and it is only $10.00 a session. There are several girls transitioning on campus and it doesn't seem to be a problem at all. Todays attitudes are more accepting and if college is a possibility you would have housing and health care services. Check your local campus if this sounds like an option. Other than that I have no great wisdom for your situation. I think it would be much harder if you moved with them back to an area where everyone knows you. It depends a lot on your friends attitudes toward GLBT topics and acceptance. Sounds like you may be homeless either way. I sure hope not. Tough choice baby so think hard on it. Good luck!

College is probably not a possibility any time soon, even then, it will most likely be community college. I could probably apply to universities next year, but that would heap a great deal of debt on me, not sure if that would be my best course of action, but I'm not ruling it out I guess.

OK, you have a lot of potential obstacles there but instead of seeing them as insurmountable (which will only make you feel lousy and hopeless) try to think of ways around or over them. Even if you decide to start transition tomorrow you don't have to tell your folks. The process between talking to a counsellor getting to see an endocrinologist and starting HRT and the effects being noticeable can be a year at least. You will need to work out to fund that, medical insurance and the like. Is there a better chance you can get employment if you move back with your folks? If so consider what one years worth of income can do for your independence, etc and how you'll be situated when you're ready to kick it up a notch. Anyway, just a few thoughts.

I can, but I know that six months down the road I won't be able to hide it anymore, so I'll most likely be forced to move out onto the street. I have employment, but it is minimum wage work. I'm trying to move up to a server position in the restaurant I work in, but it's going to be a challenge. And even with that job, its going to be hard to live alone, and finding a roommate might near be impossible for me.

Hey Courtney,

I can highly recommend Dr O'Dea who is based in Marina Del Rey. I know of a few other girls on the site who see him as well.

Thanks for the recommendation. I have heard some good things about Dr. O'Dea, and some bad things. But I did actually send an e-mail to his office yesterday with questions. If his office responds, it might not be too long until a find a way down to LA and go and see him. I have a few questions about him for you, or anyone who has been treated by him, if you don't mind answering them. How much does his treatment and consultation usually cost? How often do I have to go back? I've heard he's a bit mean, did you have this experience? I've heard his treatment has fantastic results, especially for someone my age, would you say this to be true? You can answer these as a post or a PM if that is easier. Thanks for the help.