No you can't copy my SO's drugs

[KawaiiKoneko]

Hi I'd like to introduce myself I used this forum about I dunno three years ago? and then I stopped because I had given too much personal info on here and felt nervous about it. However having living with a beautiful amazing wonderful fiancée of eight years I thought it was time to come back. I felt after being used by a few trans people it was time to go somewhere where I could have people of the trans community around me who are positive. I could also do with some advice in the future as my Fiancée is on all her meds now and her next step is surgery. So if I can help anyone else I am all for that! I remember how kind and wonderful people on this forum where to me and what to be part of it. This place feels so safe and comforting it really is amazing.

OK let's begin my names Koneko on here for privacy reasons. And I am posting this to give advice and get advice to do with people who will use you. I have had one trans person use my Fiancée for advice on how to get to the clinic and pass all the tests only to ditch both of us.

And my recent headache has been over a self medicating Trans person demanding to know my SO's medication and dose.

Let me explain why I am so annoyed. I know medication is expensive in the US, But please remember we have to pay for prescriptions in the UK. And my SO has been through four years of hell to get where she is today, You don't just walk in and come out with all the drugs... Some hormones have to work over time and others have to be given at different times. Also depending on how your body reacts to them.

You can not find out what someone else is taking who is trans, write it down and go buy it all illegally. It doesn't work like that and I am not saying this to be MEAN. If you went and copied my SO's dosage and you have different hormone level's it could kill you. Epically if you can't afford blood tests to measure your levels in the first place. My SO is on a special certain amount because of how her body reacted to them you can't copy that and expect your body to react in the correct standard way, because there is no correct standard way.

Anyway this person who asked me went mental at me and tried to make me feel bad with a guilt trip of how hard it is. I tried to explain it's like insulin and sugar levels everyone is different. But they tried to make out I should have told her because it is so hard in the USA... That's not my problem and I won't be made accountable for someone's illness or death. I suspect she was gonna take this dose full on as well. Where as my SO has had to take these drugs over time and the doctor explained if you don't build it up slowly you can have some serious health problems.   

Please any thought on this any advice, any other SO to a trans person been used before like this? I cut this person out immediately I know this sounds harsh but after this happened a second time I was just beyond angry. I don't agree with people who self medicate and put themselves at risk I know it's hard but my SO would never do that we would both save up for it.

[Sarah Louise]

Since you have been here before, I'm sure you remember our rule about giving Hormone Dosages anyway.  Its against policy, so no one here will be asking you what your SO's doses are.

Welcome back and enjoy.

[Ltl89]

Hi I'd like to introduce myself I used this forum about I dunno three years ago? and then I stopped because I had given too much personal info on here and felt nervous about it. However having living with a beautiful amazing wonderful fiancée of eight years I thought it was time to come back. I felt after being used by a few trans people it was time to go somewhere where I could have people of the trans community around me who are positive. I could also do with some advice in the future as my Fiancée is on all her meds now and her next step is surgery. So if I can help anyone else I am all for that! I remember how kind and wonderful people on this forum where to me and what to be part of it. This place feels so safe and comforting it really is amazing.

OK let's begin my names Koneko on here for privacy reasons. And I am posting this to give advice and get advice to do with people who will use you. I have had one trans person use my Fiancée for advice on how to get to the clinic and pass all the tests only to ditch both of us.

And my recent headache has been over a self medicating Trans person demanding to know my SO's medication and dose.

Let me explain why I am so annoyed. I know medication is expensive in the US, But please remember we have to pay for prescriptions in the UK. And my SO has been through four years of hell to get where she is today, You don't just walk in and come out with all the drugs... Some hormones have to work over time and others have to be given at different times. Also depending on how your body reacts to them.

You can not find out what someone else is taking who is trans, write it down and go buy it all illegally. It doesn't work like that and I am not saying this to be MEAN. If you went and copied my SO's dosage and you have different hormone level's it could kill you. Epically if you can't afford blood tests to measure your levels in the first place. My SO is on a special certain amount because of how her body reacted to them you can't copy that and expect your body to react in the correct standard way, because there is no correct standard way.

Anyway this person who asked me went mental at me and tried to make me feel bad with a guilt trip of how hard it is. I tried to explain it's like insulin and sugar levels everyone is different. But they tried to make out I should have told her because it is so hard in the USA... That's not my problem and I won't be made accountable for someone's illness or death. I suspect she was gonna take this dose full on as well. Where as my SO has had to take these drugs over time and the doctor explained if you don't build it up slowly you can have some serious health problems.   

Please any thought on this any advice, any other SO to a trans person been used before like this? I cut this person out immediately I know this sounds harsh but after this happened a second time I was just beyond angry. I don't agree with people who self medicate and put themselves at risk I know it's hard but my SO would never do that we would both save up for it.

You certainly don't have to hand over intimate details of your partner over to someone else.  That's completely up to you.  Personally, I don't agree with self medicating, but it doesn't bother me to share my medication history, just wouldn't do it here for the sake of Susan's policy.  You and your partner have no obligation to hand over personal information like that, so don't feel like you are doing anything wrong by not disclosing that info.

[KawaiiKoneko]

Since you have been here before, I'm sure you remember our rule about giving Hormone Dosages anyway.  Its against policy, so no one here will be asking you what your SO's doses are.

Welcome back and enjoy.

That's excellent I am glad that is a rule of the website makes me feel less mean about the whole thing. Thank for having me back

[KawaiiKoneko]

You certainly don't have to hand over intimate details of your partner over to someone else.  That's completely up to you.  Personally, I don't agree with self medicating, but it doesn't bother me to share my medication history, just wouldn't do it here for the sake of Susan's policy.  You and your partner have no obligation to hand over personal information like that, so don't feel like you are doing anything wrong by not disclosing that info.

Thank you so much although I am firm on what I beleive I can still feel bad because of it. Well that is the other thing 1. I generally don't know everything she is taking because its a lot of stuff and I have no reason to know lol. And yeah your right I don't have to tell anyone it is personal and private.

[Jayne]

I understand why people self med but would never do it myself, i'm on such a coctail of different non trans drugs that it would be foolish of me not to have anything new checked by a GP.
This is why I have never been tempted to ask about dosages & would never give out dosages, I don't think i've ever even put the names of my HRT pills on this site.

You shouldn't feel guilty about refusing to give out dosage information as you never know what other pills others are on or how they could react.

Welcome back to Susan's

[Ltl89]

Thank you so much although I am firm on what I beleive I can still feel bad because of it. Well that is the other thing 1. I generally don't know everything she is taking because its a lot of stuff and I have no reason to know lol. And yeah your right I don't have to tell anyone it is personal and private.

I get you.  I hate refusing anyone when they make a request.  I feel obligated to them to give them an answer or help them out, so I'd feel the same way about rejecting someone.  Still, there is nothing wrong with keeping it private.   

[sad panda]

Well, yeah, I get the impression that some trans people can struggle with boundary issues. Not sure why... I think it's that they are in a uniquely desperate place in life.

Not sure exactly what you are asking though.. you sorta just passed judgment on trans people and then asked for help with it. Trans people are all different. You have to be a judge of character with them like with anything else. And again, maybe if people are using you (invading your boundaries) then you are not setting boundaries, which is something that we all need to learn to do. It is something that I struggle with too, really bad.

What they do is their choice, but yeah, they also should not expect you to agree with it or help them do it. You are not wrong for sticking to your beliefs. (:

[KawaiiKoneko]

Well, yeah, I get the impression that some trans people can struggle with boundary issues. Not sure why... I think it's that they are in a uniquely desperate place in life.

Not sure exactly what you are asking though.. you sorta just passed judgment on trans people and then asked for help with it. Trans people are all different. You have to be a judge of character with them like with anything else. And again, maybe if people are using you (invading your boundaries) then you are not setting boundaries, which is something that we all need to learn to do. It is something that I struggle with too, really bad.

What they do is their choice, but yeah, they also should not expect you to agree with it or help them do it. You are not wrong for sticking to your beliefs. (:

I guess what I meant to ask is, Is this something others have gone through. I don't judge all trans people with the same brush just lately the ones I have met have huge boundary issue's seem to sponge off there parents and don't really have any concept of anything. But then this seems to be a few I have bumped into trans and non trans. I see people as people and what I was saying was is I am meeting too many negative needy trans people on other communities and wanted to surround myself with down to earth ones like my SO that I know vacant the site. Does that make sense?

It is rather impossible on this site to be ignorant or intolerant and that's why I like it. I had some really bad experiences lately one of my friends who was gay turned out she was actually trans and thats cool.. but then she/he decided lesbians where disgusting and decided to tell everyone on FB and every other chance she got. I know this is not cause she's trans its because she's ignorant and that all people can be like this. But I just want to meet people who aren't like that if that makes sense.   

I made my boundaries very clear, but was then told I was a horrible person for having them :/

[Sarah Louise]

There is no need to give anyone information about medications your taking.

If they really are worried about it, they can find anything they need on the web.

[sad panda]

I guess what I meant to ask is, Is this something others have gone through. I don't judge all trans people with the same brush just lately the ones I have met have huge boundary issue's seem to sponge off there parents and don't really have any concept of anything. But then this seems to be a few I have bumped into trans and non trans. I see people as people and what I was saying was is I am meeting too many negative needy trans people on other communities and wanted to surround myself with down to earth ones like my SO that I know vacant the site. Does that make sense?

It is rather impossible on this site to be ignorant or intolerant and that's why I like it. I had some really bad experiences lately one of my friends who was gay turned out she was actually trans and thats cool.. but then she/he decided lesbians where disgusting and decided to tell everyone on FB and every other chance she got. I know this is not cause she's trans its because she's ignorant and that all people can be like this. But I just want to meet people who aren't like that if that makes sense.   

I made my boundaries very clear, but was then told I was a horrible person for having them :/

Well, I see what you mean, but I think you have to keep in mind that you are interacting with people who belong to a severely underprivileged and marginalized minority, moreso than most other minorities. Plus they may have spent their whole life being rejected and revoked for who they are, thought of as a joke, living in a society that didn't understand or want to understand them. That stuff sinks in. I think that is why a lot of trans people suffer from mental illness and maybe seem needy... I mean, they may not be used to having their needs met or knowing how or where to get help.

I'm not really an exception. I lived as a girl for 2 yrs and now I see myself as a gay boy. I have suffered with mental illness my whole life. I am sure a large part of that is due to being so stuck in and out of gender roles and hit and miss acceptance and stuff. I struggle with boundary issues as well, though not being intrusive. I struggle with letting people use me or being able to value myself.

So, I'm not a judgmental person at least, and I don't use people, but I still didn't escape mental illness. It's hard, I don't know. :c

Anyway, it is totally not fair for those people to call you a horrible person. Again, you have the right to stand up for yourself and your partner and your belief in doing things the right way. All you can do is ignore people who try to bring you down over that :/

But yah, I think there are some pretty down to earth and awesomely supportive people here. And discrimination definitely does not fly. So, welcome back! If you were here 3 yrs ago, I might have even seen ya around before but who knows lol =o)

[KawaiiKoneko]

Well, I see what you mean, but I think you have to keep in mind that you are interacting with people who belong to a severely underprivileged and marginalized minority, moreso than most other minorities. Plus they may have spent their whole life being rejected and revoked for who they are, thought of as a joke, living in a society that didn't understand or want to understand them. That stuff sinks in. I think that is why a lot of trans people suffer from mental illness and maybe seem needy... I mean, they may not be used to having their needs met or knowing how or where to get help.

I'm not really an exception. I lived as a girl for 2 yrs and now I see myself as a gay boy. I have suffered with mental illness my whole life. I am sure a large part of that is due to being so stuck in and out of gender roles and hit and miss acceptance and stuff. I struggle with boundary issues as well, though not being intrusive. I struggle with letting people use me or being able to value myself.

So, I'm not a judgmental person at least, and I don't use people, but I still didn't escape mental illness. It's hard, I don't know. :c

Anyway, it is totally not fair for those people to call you a horrible person. Again, you have the right to stand up for yourself and your partner and your belief in doing things the right way. All you can do is ignore people who try to bring you down over that :/

But yah, I think there are some pretty down to earth and awesomely supportive people here. And discrimination definitely does not fly. So, welcome back! If you were here 3 yrs ago, I might have even seen ya around before but who knows lol =o)

I understand what you mean and I know mental illness is a huge struggle I had depression for about three years, due to people in my life... I cut them out and the depression started to get better. If that's even possible or it got to the point where I can now manage it.

I do have sympathy for people but like I pay my way in life and have been dirt poor a long ass time. And me and my partner still follow all the rule so it just annoys me when others can't. I know everyone is different and that it can be harder for others but its just something that urks me and I can't help that all I can do is try and be more understanding. I think a lot of people have a hard time doing things, However many other people use things as an excuse you know? But I know exactly what you mean and I understand.

Yeah I just want to protect myself and my partner and not be liable for someone else getting sick or worse... lol your name rings a bell who knows maybe.

[JoanneB]

5 minutes on Google or a half dozen other trans sites will tell you pretty much what "Typical" hormone regimes range between pills, shots, patches, what have you. If someone got psycho on you I think they had major issues... beyond being lazy.

Talking specifics is against the rules. If someone cannot take a polite No, I cannot, reporting them I think is sort of implied. At the very least the moral thing to do to help protect others here.

I can't really agree that getting started on HRT is difficult in the US. Especially compared to like the UK where you must do 1 year RLE even before you can start HRT. In the US there are many informed consent doctors. Plenty more that only require a CYA letter from a therapist. Plenty of therapist that are rubber stampers. Geography does matter. Even in not so rural areas finding the resources can be difficult and may require a few hours driving. That I can certainly attest to having been there, done that. Far from the case of "The Rules" make it difficult.

Yes, medication is expensive here. Offshore meds are cheaper to buy than what my out of pocket is with my insurance. Others in my support group report the same.

YMMV also applies to the supplier. Simple chemistry. All drugs are not pure. A molecule can be built many ways. How you get to the end product and the spare parts you have in the process does make a difference. Sometimes, you do get what you pay for.