I'm thinking about Father's day. It comes in two weeks and brings up something I've been fearing for a long time: talking with my dad. It's been about a year since my father and I have seen each other. While we will speak on the phone here and there (which is a rare occassion as well to be honest) my father hasn't really seen me since I've been on hormones. Once he sees me, he will know what's going on for sure. I mean, he already knows I was taking estrogen, cause he read one of my EOBS, but I don't know if he pieced it all together. In any case, it's going to be hard. Last time we saw each other, it went horribly. Sadly, our relationship sort of got strained and there are unresolved issues between us. Still, he is my father, and I love him with everything that I have. I want to see him. I don't want to avoid him for the rest of my life and want to be able to talk to him on the phone or see him without feeling anxiety. I'm going to have to see him, but what sort of father's day will this be? How will he react? Will I hurt him? Will our relationship ever go back to normal? I don't know. So many things to think about and resolve with so little time. I can't put off talking with my father forever nor can I avoid seeing him for father's day. What sort of kid would I be to him by doing that? And while I may be scared and we may have a strained relationship at this point, but he's my dad and deserves a nice father's day. Got some planning and more thinking to do.
