Coming out to parent with terminal illness?

[TRyan]

This should be in the coming out section but I don't know how much people check that section and I'm really needing some advice on this. 

My mom died in 1990's so my dad is my one surviving parent. However, he has cancer as well as kidney failure (although dialysis is still an option). I don't know how long he has left. He's a fighter so it could be in a few months or longer.

It's been difficult to talk about or even think about (although it's always on my mind).

Now that I've been on hormones for a couple months and it feels right I've started the process of coming out to people. 

I don't know what to do about my dad. I think this would bring up a lot of feelings for him resulting stress which he doesn't need.  I don't know that I should come out to him. I don't want it to get in the way of his final journey here nor get in the way of my goodbye to him.  I'd rather take the time to resolve issues between us and support him on his journey. But I dunno....

At the same time my voice will eventually drop to the point that saying I have a cold won't cut it any longer. I don't want to slow down my own transition because I've waited so long already.

He lives in a different state. I have siblings whom I'm not out to yet. I need to resolve this first. 

Any thoughts? 

[Declan.]

I wouldn't if I were in your shoes, especially if I already had issues with my father that I need to resolve.

[JamesG]

I would not either. Yeah he doesn't need the stress and this time isn't about you.  Just be his daughter that he remembers a little while longer. It won't matter that he knows or you know he knows in the here, and nor will it matter in the hereafter when all souls know all about each other (if you believe in such things).

Plus your surviving family is not likely to appreciate you bringing The Drama and might make their acceptance harder.

[TRyan]

I wouldn't if I were in your shoes, especially if I already had issues with my father that I need to resolve.

Thanks Declan. I'm thinking the same thing.

I would not either. Yeah he doesn't need the stress and this time isn't about you.  Just be his daughter that he remembers a little while longer. It won't matter that he knows or you know he knows in the here, and nor will it matter in the hereafter when all souls know all about each other (if you believe in such things).

Plus your surviving family is not likely to appreciate you bringing The Drama and might make their acceptance harder.

Exactly James. I think it would bring drama and I really don't want to add any of that to the mix.  This is about him. I don't mind being his daughter for awhile longer. I don't need him to know. If he was healthy I would feel differently but he's not. 

I think once he's on the other side it won't matter to him.

[JamesG]

Yup.

Sorry your Dads sick BTW. 

[TRyan]

Yup.

Sorry your Dad's sick BTW. 

Thanks James. Me too. 

[BunnyBee]

Usually with difficult decisions whichever option makes you feel the most peace is the right choice.  However it sounds like you've found the path forward anyway.   Sorry about the whole situation though .

[TRyan]

Usually with difficult decisions whichever option makes you feel the most peace is the right choice.  However it sounds like you've found the path forward anyway.   Sorry about the whole situation though .

I think I have found the path forward. I'm not sure what to do about my voice but I'll figure it out. I love your avator. It's a wonderful quote...