Back into the closet I go

[Keely Mcbain]

I was hoping I would never have any need to post here again.
So a while ago I came out publicly to everyone I know (The exception being my parents who I don't care to let know) and I was met with a really good reception.
And now over a month later, Nothing has changed.

People treat me exactly the same (I suppose that might be a good thing)
People keep using the incorrect pro-nouns despite me asking they change that. and I must say this is actually quite frustrating.
Friends still mocking and friendly teasing me the way guys do when a mate shows any sort of femininity.

This is just the tip of the iceberg for me right now and I've basically crawled back into the closet.

Not only that, But I thought it would feel as though a great weight would lift off of my shoulders when I came out. Instead it's become harder and harder to deal with and I'm at my wits end.

Has anyone got any similar experiences?

[Colleen♡Callie]

Similar, but not the same.

My friends correctly gender me and use the right name.  Mom and sister don't, but wasn't expecting them to instantly switch.

Coming out though, unleashed everything.  It feels like all the stuff I spent my life ignoring just to make it through the day, I'm now facing all at once, and it's overwhelming me.  It's definitely getting harder and harder to deal with and I too feel like I'm at my wit's end.

And then I think of all things that comes with transitioning, and worry that life won't be any better, or even worse by transitioning... and have no idea what to do anymore?  Transition, or just go on living as my male self and not transitioning...

[MarcBanks]

Keely, do you live in a place where a majority of the people are quite close-minded? And when you came out, did you educate them on transgenders? Because it seems as if they don't take it serious, but identifying who you really are is a very, very serious thing. Most of the people confuse gender with sexuality due to ignorance. Educate them. Don't crawl back in the closet, don't lose who you are, it's ok not to be okay, keep reminding them who you are. Keep telling society who you are or else society will tell you who you are. You can be a beautiful woman, tell yourself that everyday

[Heather]

Running back to the closet isn't the answer.  I'm sorry but you can't just tell everybody your a woman and expect to have them start using female pronouns without looking the part. You have to show them hey I'm a woman. It takes time and effort to be change peoples mind. I hope you stay out to be honest because running from this only makes it worse confront it head on now or you will regret it later.

[JulieBlair]

Running back to the closet isn't the answer.  I'm sorry but you can't just tell everybody your a woman and expect to have them start using female pronouns without looking the part. You have to show them hey I'm a woman. It takes time and effort to be change peoples mind. I hope you stay out to be honest because running from this only makes it worse confront it head on now or you will regret it later.

Heather is correct.  When I look like a woman and act like a woman - I'm gendered correctly, and addressed by my name.  If I am presenting androgynously, all bets are off.  In public I get sirred more than mammed, it is annoying and I don't like it much, but it is just the way it is.  I still give off enough male tells that confusion is inevitable.  Maybe that will pass with time, maybe not unless I go under the knife.  Not something to worry about for today.

That your mates do this to you is just plain rude.  Dress up real pretty, do your makeup and hair and if they persist - slap em.

Julie

[Sincerely Tegan]

Keely,
Most people can't get their heads around a non-binary viewpoint. In other words, if you're still presenting as male or even andro among people that are used to you being a "he," then they'll continue to interact with you the way that they're used to. Have you gone totally femme with them yet? If not, then that's probably the problem; your trans-ness isn't real to them yet.

Give them time, but also work on yourself. And don't let others discourage you. If you present with confidence and don't deny your expression, then those close to you will eventually wrap their minds around the new you. It won't happen overnight.

Hang in there, girl.

Cheers,
Teg

[HoneyStrums]

I saw sothing somplace giving advise to people comming out. dont think you a mind reader. dont assume that just because this person is your freind that they will be ok with it. dont assume that because of religion or somthing this or that person wont. people can surprie you.

i can tell you that overtime and with a bit of effort. some people do come around. my dad didnt get it. still doesnt get it but he gets that i do. and although ill always be a boy with a girly body to him. he saw how much happyer i was. he call me she out of respect if nothing els.

somtimes people need time to get used to things. but if they dont see the improvment in your mood they cant make a comparison to how you felt before.


freedom of exspression is the greatest thing ever. there is always hope. give it some time and see how it goes. dont jump in at the deep end. do it slowly. youve told people thats the hardest part.

but yes educate them. we cant tell someone who we are we have to show them.
eg if someone calls me a nut job. i turn around and say. thats what i thought too. turns out im not. i have a letter to prouve it.

we need a primerry psych diagnosting over here (to insure its not mpd)

but changes take time

[Jessica Merriman]

Keely do yourself a huge favor and pay close attention to the responses you have gotten so far. I am in awe of the advice you have been given, congrats everyone who replied very intelligently and compassionately! Now this is support.

[Ltl89]

Hello Keely,

I have the same experience with my family.  Most of them are really not trying to adjust and refuse to use correct pronouns.  One of my sisters called me "she" the other day which was really nice, but that's really it.  I'm still treated the same way for the most part which has it's pros and cons.  To be honest, I'm not really expecting our relationship to change other than their acceptance.  At the end of the day, I am the same person.

As for my friends, they are really accepting and have always used the right pronouns (even before my transition).  Besides, I don't think I could really shock people by doing things non-masculine.  I'm still the same person in terms of my behavior except being a little less guarded and self conscious.  People that weren't okay with who I am stopped being friends with me a long time ago.  No point in being friends with someone if the don't accept you.

I'm really sorry you are having a hard time with this.  I wish people would be more understanding in this world.  However, is it possible that your friends are just kidding around?  Maybe they have good intentions despite the fact that they are hurting you.  If you're not sure, maybe talking with them will help.  As for family, how is it that they are treating you?  I understand you want the correct pronouns to be used, but what else are they doing that hurts?  You are totally justified in these feelings (I'll never foget how I felt when I first came out) but keep in mind that these things take time.  People need to adjust. 

Only you can decide whats right for you.  Like others said, going back in the closet would be a poor choice for some of us, but you know yourself best.  If you think the transgender life is harder than you can handle or it turns out you're not interested in going through everything, that's you decision.  I'll simply say that I myself have found some of the sacrifices and hardships worth it at times despite the fact that I too wanted to go back in the closet and just make all the pain and difficulties stop.  The question you have to ask is how mch is this all worth to you.  Think about it.  There is no shame doing some introspection to ensure you make the right choice.

Anyway, I really hope everything goes well no matter what you do.  Good luck. 

[Keely Mcbain]

Thanks guys.

For everything. I'm not too good with words but I just wanted you to know I really appreciate your support and advice.

However, is it possible that your friends are just kidding around?  Maybe they have good intentions despite the fact that they are hurting you.

I know they're kidding around. It's just what guys do.

But I will make sure to educate people on my situation and make the necessary changes to help people take me seriously.