Realistic length of transition

[Amy The Bookworm]

So, based on things that I've read here, I'm under the impression that transition takes about 2 years once you start HRT before someone in their 30s (i'm 33) is passable since from what I've heard, HRT takes longer to affect people my age.

However, my therapist seems pretty sure that I could transition faster if I wanted. So, here's my question.

How long does this realistically take? Is it possible to vary the speed of HRT's effects? (I don't need doses and such, both because that's against the site rules, but also because I will be discussing that with my endocronologist once I get the appointment).

It's just, now that I'm ready to start HRT ... I'm just trying to get a realistic idea of how long it will take and what I can realistically expect as far as development and being able to present as a woman.

[mrs izzy]

Transition can or cant be a defined time.

Everyone holds there own idea of what that is.

For me it means the time i started presenting as the opposite gender (part time and HRT Dec 1999) to what my completion goal was and that was GCS (April 2013)

That was my transition time line.

Yours will be yours in it own.

Isabell

[JoanneB]

IMHO "Being able to present as a woman" begins the day you decide to. Which I guess is why 99% of "Passing" is attitude, since passing is really how comfortable you feel being out in the real world as the real you.

What it takes to "feel comfortable" is very personal. My first attempts decades ago were disastrous as I was ill equipped for the challenge of being a T person in the 70's. Physically not a lot has changed, I am still 6ft tall, big boned, frog hands, super extra large feet, deeper than deep voice, etc.. Yet, I am most alive when I am out in the real world being the real me.

HRT is not a magic pill. If anything, I think, it does more to help mentally/emotionally then physically (Not that I am complaining  )It pretty much is impossible to impose a timeline when the real limiting factor to "presenting" is really you.

[michelle]

Every day of our life we are transitioning, we are changing, we are becoming more ladylike,  mothers, grandmothers, aunt's, etc.   Our roles and identities as women are forever changing and transitioning, as well as the publics image of us is changing also.   Every day we are deciding what kind of a lifestyle we want as women.   Every day we are becoming more ourselves and less and less of a stereotype women we have buried in ourself consciousness.   Everyday whatever male characteristics we retain moulds itself into our femaleness and gradually disappears, and hopefully people see us, as we are just women like any other woman with all of our many flaws.

[Jenna Marie]

I think it's hugely variable. I started HRT at 32. My basic transition timeline was : therapy in October 2009, HRT in February 2010, full-time at work and basically finished with transition beginning of June 2010. So about 9 months since I took the first step, and 4 months on HRT? I have not been misgendered in public since June 2010, either, if that helps you get a sense of how "passable" I was by then.

I don't know any way to speed HRT's effects once a minimum effective dose has been achieved, though. Taking less than [your personal] most effective dose will *slow* things, but there's a maximum speed of changes the body will cope with, I think.

(I did get GRS later, when I'd saved the money, but I consider my transition finished long before then; that was just to fix the one last thing that bothered *me.*)

[suzifrommd]

How long does this realistically take?

OK, first, HRT doesn't bring about transition.

Transition comes about because you are living and presenting as a woman. That can happen with or without HRT. So HRT is NOT A FACTOR in determining how long transition takes.

The only factor determining transition is you.

You could decide tomorrow that from now on you will be known as Amy to everyone in the world, everyone will use female pronouns to refer to you, and that you will from this point be known as a woman.

If you did that, your transition would take one day.

Or you could slowly watch your face every day on hormones trying to figure out what changes, if any, HRT has brought about.

Doing that, transition could take, literally, forever, since for many people HRT does nothing for their face.

In practice, I wanted the following resolved before I went full time.
* A presentation that did not make me look outlandish. (Note that this had nothing to do with HRT, and everything to do with trying out wigs, breast forms, wardrobe, makeup, etc. I was actually on full dose hormones for less than a month when I went full-time).
* An understanding that transitioning would not lose me my job.
* Coming out to my friends and family members so they understood why I was doing this.
* Most important: Understanding what I needed to do day-to-day to live as a woman.

In practice, it took me a little less than a year to get all these things in place, before I was comfortable enough to go full-time.

[bev_c]

OK, first, HRT doesn't bring about transition.

Transition comes about because you are living and presenting as a woman. That can happen with or without HRT. So HRT is NOT A FACTOR in determining how long transition takes.

The only factor determining transition is you.

I would agree with this. I went full time 15 months before I started Estrogen. Lasering my bristles, growing my hair, sorting out my voice and losing several stones in weight all made a huge difference.

Confidence, believing in yourself and determination are the keys to transition. HRT helps but it is an "icing on the cake" sort of thing.

[Amy The Bookworm]

Lemme rephrase this, since this morning I'm realizing I should not post while tired.

I've already started transition. I've been growing my hair out for a year (it's almost to a length I'm somewhat happy with, though I have no idea how to take care of it and am still working on that). I've been doing laser hair removal (4th session in September). I've been doing voice therapy since February (though we're taking a break over the summer as it's at a college). I've been slowly learning how to apply makeup (and my mom was a great teacher when I went to visit my parents a few weeks ago). I've lost 75 pounds over the last year (though I need to lose about 30 to 40 more ...).

I guess next up on my list of stuff to do is estrogen and clothing. I'm nowhere near ready for full time yet. I'm just wondering how much of a help will HRT be, and how long does it take? As far as my face, with make up applied properly, all I'd probably need is to have my eyebrows waxed. So i'm not so worried about facial feminization. It's ... everything else.

I don't know. Maybe I'm just nervous. I'm afraid that I won't be able to find a job after college (which I'm also going through full time at the moment), that my wife's going to suddenly change her mind about our relationship, that my breasts may develop strangely or be unnoticeable and that then I'd need breast implants and I'm still not sure how I feel about that, and that I'll look stupid or ugly or both, or ...

Despite that I really want to live as a woman, I'm just nervous about how people will react and what my future's going to be like. Is that normal?

[bev_c]

.... big list of all the right things ....

Al that sounds good. Exactly right. IMO voice is incredibly important. More than anything else, voice triggers people. It does not have to sound very feminine, just make sure it does not sound masculine. Most people's internal logic goes "No man would ever put up with a voice like that so this must be a woman...." and even if you have a 5 o'clock shadow you will be "Ma'am"ed.

I guess next up on my list of stuff to do is estrogen and clothing. I'm nowhere near ready for full time yet. I'm just wondering how much of a help will HRT be, and how long does it take?

The "magic number" seems to be 7 months for the initial small facial changes. Up to 2 years for anything more significant

As far as my face, with make up applied properly, all I'd probably need is to have my eyebrows waxed.

Get a stylist to give you a proper ladie's style and get your eyebrows professionally done. Dress "normally" (day wear for someone of your age - look at others) and walk up the street like you own the place. No one will bother you.

I don't know. Maybe I'm just nervous. I'm afraid that I won't be able to find a job after college (which I'm also going through full time at the moment),

Being full time is like anything else. You need to do it to get better at it. Practice. Watch other women your age and see how they move, act, talk, dress, etc. Learn and fit in. Be guided by them

... that my wife's going to suddenly change her mind about our relationship,

What happens, happens.

that my breasts may develop strangely or be unnoticeable and that then I'd need breast implants and I'm still not sure how I feel about that

Your breasts will turn out however they turn out. Deal with the results later. Most women are unhappy with their boobs and they have lots of ways of dealing with it. This is normal.

and that I'll look stupid or ugly or both

Make up helps. I guess you need to decide whether you want to be a beauty queen or a woman. We all want to look nice, beautiful if we can, but not all of us get it. Nonetheless, make up can help a lot as can good clothing and a good hair stylist. We have so many options that can help, from a simple smile to surgery.

Despite that I really want to live as a woman, I'm just nervous about how people will react and what my future's going to be like. Is that normal?

The unknown is always frightening. People will react as you expect them to. If you expect to be treated well and behave in a feminine "normal" manner then people will treat you with respect and as a woman.  If you decide to grow a beard and wear mini-skirts then obviously you will have a harder time of it.

I guess what I am saying is that the more "standard" or "normal" your behaviour as a woman is, then the more likely you are to be treated "normally". I will probably get toasted for saying that, but it is true nonetheless.

[suzifrommd]

I'm just wondering how much of a help will HRT be, and how long does it take?

Not really know what you're looking for. Most people are looking for facial feminization. My attitude was to assume it will do nothing for you and be pleasantly surprised when changes came.

I don't know. Maybe I'm just nervous. I'm afraid that I won't be able to find a job after college (which I'm also going through full time at the moment), that my wife's going to suddenly change her mind about our relationship, that my breasts may develop strangely or be unnoticeable and that then I'd need breast implants and I'm still not sure how I feel about that, and that I'll look stupid or ugly or both, or ...

Despite that I really want to live as a woman, I'm just nervous about how people will react and what my future's going to be like. Is that normal?

Don't know about normal (a trans friend likes to say "normal is a dryer cycle").

But certainly understandable.

Breasts? Nearly every woman on earth, cis or trans, is unhappy with her breasts in some way. My daughter likes to joke that breasts only come in two sizes, too big and too small. So concern about your breasts, well that just means you're a woman like the rest of us.

Job? That's an issue. Everyone, nowadays, is worried about finding or keeping a job, and being trans does make it harder. I can't make any promises, just that the job market favors those who are persistent and willing to work hard but gives guarantees to no one.

Wife? Yes. All married trans people are worried about that. You probably aren't what she bargained for. She's going to have to decide if that's enough for her. You have no control over what she decides.

So all the things that make you nervous are things that a lot of other people would be nervous about too.

It's definitely true that transitioning puts you up against a lot of things you can't control.

But that's true about life in general, isn't it?

[JoanneB]

I am still, very much so, having difficulty in sorting out how far to go(?). In other words my TG Group, Therapist, and Wife ALL beat me over the head about obsessing over a totally unknown and uncontrollable future. (I'll spare you the "Who made you God" portion). "What If'ing" things to death is my stock in trade and pays me very well. I am just piss poor at applying that talent to myself.

HRT has been a real life changer/saver for me. I know I need it for my emotional health. The rest is gravy. After a year or so I developed a fairly good A to maybe B cup. (A lot depends on the bra thanks to vanity sizing). I primarily present as male with no issues. (OK, the wife does throw out the occasional bouncing boobie comment.) Being a former fatty, in male mode I NEVER wear anything form fitting. In female mode my bra of choice is a VS super maximizing one. 

Clothing is simple. You likely have a vague sense of what look you like. Whether or not it works for you is another issue. My favorite places to shop are thrift stores. For a few bucks you get to experiment. Department stores you can generally find some great sales. You have a choice of either buying in multiple sizes and return later (drain on cash flow and time). Or, a technique I used for male mode shopping, grab an armload of stuff you want to try on, top it off with a pair of super extra large pants or top from the men's department  and head for the fitting room.

I found that after all the hard self-improvement work I did how I looked became secondary to actually being out in the real world as the real me. Eventually I achieved my life long dream of being seen as and accepted as a woman. If you ever have doubts about how good you look, follow this advice. The next time you are in a Wallymart or in the grocery store checkout line, look around at ALL the other normal everyday women in line with you. FAR from what you will see on the cover of Vogue, when you eventually get there. Just plain ole women being women.

Between me liking girlie-girl and some lack of self confidence I generally try to present a clearly unambiguous female image. Living in rural WV in a land of 5'4" 250 lb jean wearing women, I have had no problems aside from the occassional seems like too long of a look, even stare. Since I cannot know what is in their head I tell myself it is simply because this 6ft tall 145 lb fairly nicely dressed woman looks good. It sure beats beating myself up with the alternative.

SO's are always a wildcard. Initial reactions may only be fleeting. Like all things in life, expect change. My wife was FAR from thrilled when I dropped the T-Bomb on her 6 years ago. And she knew I was a CD, saw me dress at home, and was even told about my "Experiments" with transitioning. Well, that was 30+ years ago. THings change. I gave trying to be a "Normal" guy (within limits) my best shot. Over time she began noticing how me coming to know and accept myself made me a far better person overall. Yeah, some things like seeing boobs on me along with my naturally big hips bother her some. But given the trade off between the old miserable, soulless, >-bleeped-< me, or the realer me; she prefers the realistic version.

Long term is still unknown. I cannot ask her to stay by my side anymore than she can ask me to stop all that I have doing. Neither of us want to stand in the way of the others happiness. We just play it by ear while keeping up our honest open discussions, hopefully not reaching that dreaded TMI point. Considering the totally dysfunctional families we both come from, we are doing stellar work keeping things together.

Finding peace is not a either this or that choice. If you only allow yourself to think in terms of Male / Female you close yourself off from thinking or seeing that there are an infinite number of ways to be happy without resorting to binary choices. Every decision you make in life involves a cost. Only you can decide if all the trade offs, or cost, is worth the chance of achieving what you want or need, TODAY.  What works for you today may not tomorrow. Again Binary thinking locks you into few all or nothing choices. Not a mindset I want to live. I know it didn't work at one end of the spectrum, likely will not for the other. Each day I am growing and learning a little more about myself and the world around me. What worked yesterday may not today. Hopefully I have a Plan B, or a new tool in reserve, to carry me through the next potential change