Ok, so, anyone who doesn't know my situation, let me give a short update. I came out to a friend last June, and from there gained the courage to continue on my path to becoming female. My wife and I (who have a one year old) were rocky at first, but somewhat stabilized around thanksgiving. Fast forward to February, and I was only dressing when my wife was at work. Then, my wife offered what I will call "middle ground". The deal was that I could dress whenever I wanted and be Chelsea except at work, as long as I didn't transition. It sounded like a dream, to be practically full time without having to do therapy. I questioned her on some things, but felt satisfied and took the deal.
Almost two weeks later, I was thinking about our deal at work, and became emotionally devastated. I realized I had essentially murdered my true self, setting Chelsea up as only a role in the play of my life. I was an actor, set to dress up and such, only to remove my costume when I needed to. After a few more weeks, I told my wife it wasn't enough. She told me to give it more time, as I " hadn't gotten to experience some things yet". I still feel the same way, but admittedly I am still waiting for reasons at my job.
So, I am wondering if anyone else has tried"middle ground" and failed or succeeded. For me, the idea of dressing and going out just about anywhere is nothing compared to having the body and hormones. I'd dress in guy clothes for the rest of my life if I could get my body to match my mind.
Also, as a note, my wife has been telling me I have been very negative lately, and I think it is because I am spending 90% of my time as male.
please help however you can.
