Morphine..... Cant live without you.

[V M]

I was given morphine several years ago do to injuries incurred, it was difficult to get off of it but somehow I did

Doctors have offered other opiate based pain relievers but I just turn it down and tell them that I'll take nothing stronger than Ibuprofen

Sure, it doesn't completely take away the physical pain I deal with but it takes the edge off without putting me off in space and isn't addictive

[Dee Marshall]

Krokodil?

I'm not sure. I'm in the US, not far from NYC and the Russian Mob is prominent, but I only get official warnings at the facility I run and they didn't mention any street name. We've had two people overdose in the last year (in a 14 bed facility) none in the previous five.

[Allyda]

Caroline while I may sound like a hippocrite here when you read what's below, but I urge you to follow Jess's advice and seek help to get off of this medicine.

As some of you know I was in a very bad aircraft accident in 1991 that has left me with serious chronic pain issues. I do take MS Contin (1/2 morphene, 1/2 oxycodone) for it daily and have been since the accident. I did go off of them once and found out I couldn't walk to the bathroom by myself. However, I only take them as prescribed, and sometimes with my breakthroughs, I take less than prescribed. Mainly with the breakthroughs it depends on whether or not I have to work that day. Because I have such a lengthy experience I found out long ago that abusing my medication only causes me more pain in the end, and I'm very careful with these meds because I know how serious they can be.

Having said that, even in my situation I stress if you can avoid opiates you should do so like their the plague. My situation is unique and unavoidable as just too much skeletal damage was done. There are however some new surgical technologies I'm looking into that may bring me some relief, and allow me to take less than I take now. And anything I can do to cut down on them I'm certainly up for.

Caroline you have all my best wishes and hopes for your success in getting clean and opiate free.

Hugs

Ally

[Ltl89]

Hi and thank you for the replies. Sorry about the late answer but I have been pretty down lately.


I wont touch Subuxone even if I get paid to do it, it feels like you fill the body with dirty chemicals =/. Subutex however is something that I have used before and I might try to get it again but I am not sure that they are willing to, and I dont want to be labeled an addict again. It is not fun to be in pain and get refused pain meds because I have used opiates for so many years.


I have used so many years now (soon 15) and tbh when I used the most was also the time when my life was the best. I had a great job as a pilot and also owned my own company etc. Those that I have talked to was pretty impressed that I kept control all these years, the only time that I lost grip was this autumn/winter. Then I lost it because the mother to both my children left me.


Now however I am back at my lower dosages just to keep me functional and to keep me from falling down in the depression pit again. My brain really cant function without opiates , I get so depressed and just want to die. To stay off is to kill myself. So I need that poison unfortunately, I can never get 100% clean.

But what I can do is to keep control and not let the drugs control me. Atleast not totally.


Thanx again for your support <3, it feels good to be able to talk about these things sometimes.

I'm really sorry to read about your struggle.  Again, there is no judgement, only concern for you, so please forgive me if my post is intrusive. 

Have you considered maybe giving the Subutex another try and see if it can help you get off long term?  At the end of the day, morphine is really powerful and it's going to have a big impact on you.  I understand reaching out is scary, but that might just save your life and allow you to defeat your depression.  The thing is, these drugs themselves can create depression and might be feeding a vicious cycle.  Sure, they feel amazing at the time, but after the fact you are crushed hard from withdraws.  That depression might only exist because of the drug itself.  Once you get passed the withdrawls, it is very possible that your depression may be lifted.  It may be worth a shot.  There are no guarantees in life, but depending on morphine for emotional reasons is very risky.

In any case, I understand what you are saying.  It's a tough battle and I respect you for talking about this openly.  Whatever you decide, I hope you will find peace from your depression and will maintain your health.  Please take care of yourself.

Caroline while I may sound like a hippocrite here when you read what's below, but I urge you to follow Jess's advice and seek help to get off of this medicine.

As some of you know I was in a very bad aircraft accident in 1991 that has left me with serious chronic pain issues. I do take MS Contin (1/2 morphene, 1/2 oxycodone) for it daily and have been since the accident. I did go off of them once and found out I couldn't walk to the bathroom by myself. However, I only take them as prescribed, and sometimes with my breakthroughs, I take less than prescribed. Mainly with the breakthroughs it depends on whether or not I have to work that day. Because I have such a lengthy experience I found out long ago that abusing my medication only causes me more pain in the end, and I'm very careful with these meds because I know how serious they can be.

Having said that, even in my situation I stress if you can avoid opiates you should do so like their the plague. My situation is unique and unavoidable as just too much skeletal damage was done. There are however some new surgical technologies I'm looking into that may bring me some relief, and allow me to take less than I take now. And anything I can do to cut down on them I'm certainly up for.

Caroline you have all my best wishes and hopes for your success in getting clean and opiate free.

Hugs

Ally

Hey Ally,

I understand where you are coming from.  These drugs can do good when they are used responsibly and for severe pain.  However, sometimes there are more cons than pros.  It's up to each patient to figure that out for themselves along with their doctor.  In any case, I was just reminded of a story that I read in Sunday's NY times about a wounded soldier's battle to find relief drug free (attached below).  It might be a helpful read on pain management for those with severe pain.  Again, please do what's best for you and follow your doctors input, but I thought this would be an interesting article that may help others.

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/05/11/business/a-soldiers-war-on-pain.html

[Allyda]

Hey Ally,

I understand where you are coming from.  These drugs can do good when they are used responsibly and for severe pain.  However, sometimes there are more cons than pros.  It's up to each patient to figure that out for themselves along with their doctor.  In any case, I was just reminded of a story that I read in Sunday's NY times about a wounded soldier's battle to find relief drug free (attached below).  It might be a helpful read on pain management for those with severe pain.  Again, please do what's best for you and follow your doctors input, but I thought this would be an interesting article that may help others.

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/05/11/business/a-soldiers-war-on-pain.html

Thanks for the article LTL. It's a good read and your right, it may help someone.

I also thank you for not being judgemental.

Best wishes.

Hugs.

Ally

[kira21 ♡♡♡]

krokodil came out of russia I think, as a cheap heroin substitute that is easily manufactured from over the counter codeine and its really nasty. It makes heroin look like cookies and milk in comparison.

[Dee Marshall]

krokodil came out of russia I think, as a cheap heroin substitute that is easily manufactured from over the counter codeine and its really nasty. It makes heroin look like cookies and milk in comparison.

I'm aware of it, just not sure if that's what we're seeing. The official warnings weren't detailed. Haven't found any in the facility, just seen the after affects. 

It's very distressing for me. Our facility wasn't planned or licensed for drug users, just the mentally ill. Unfortunately the clients being presented these days are mostly both. We don't have the training, or the legal right to put the right rules in place. Drug only rehabs won't take these folks so we have little choice but to take them. It has half my staff ready to quit. The one CASAC we have is the most frustrated. She knows what to do, but the law won't let her.

Sorry to derail the thread.

[TheQuestion]

I say this to a lot of people who use, sometimes it connects where other points miss... think of the negative impact upon your appearance.  I've done most drugs, and use to drop a LOT of acid; so I'm not really one to talk.  I still smoke some pot, but I don't do anything else.  I barely even drink and have never smoked cigarettes, and I use a vaporizer.  So I'm pretty good with minimizing damage.  I plan on cutting WAY back on the MJ in the future though.  But yeah, it will impact your appearance, and probably a lot sooner than you think.  Good luck.

[Shantel]

I say this to a lot of people who use, sometimes it connects where other points miss... think of the negative impact upon your appearance.  I've done most drugs, and use to drop a LOT of acid; so I'm not really one to talk.  I still smoke some pot, but I don't do anything else.  I barely even drink and have never smoked cigarettes, and I use a vaporizer.  So I'm pretty good with minimizing damage.  I plan on cutting WAY back on the MJ in the future though.  But yeah, it will impact your appearance, and probably a lot sooner than you think.  Good luck.

Good point hon! I've seen the horrible looking faces of Crystal Meth users and Crack Heads, OMG their looks are destroyed!

[Allyda]

Good point hon! I've seen the horrible looking faces of Crystal Meth users and Crack Heads, OMG their looks are destroyed!

So have I Auntie especially when I lived on Hollywood BLVD in LA. It's scary what some of this poison does. I've never been much of a drinker, I have never eaten much red meat, and I do eat a lot of fish, and poultry and do my best to eat right and take care of myself. My Endo says I'm very healthy for my age. My only detriment has been these dam cigarettes which thankfully I'm finally having success in quitting. I'm down to 5 per day and soon I'll be able to throw them away forever. Good riddance!

Ally

[Carolina1983]

Thankfully even after 15 years of use I still look ok. Most think that I am 24 but I am 31.


Must be lucky I guess.



Hopefully I will manage to straighten up my life. It is knd of hard to know where to start though.

Thanx again for caring. And I am on a very low dose now, I dont want to be a heavy user ever again.