Passing or just respect.

[AnnieMay]

I'm a tall woman, and I don't know whether I always pass. And maybe that's not such a bad thing.  I used to constantly check for other people's facial expressions out of the corner of my eyes, and that can become a full time preoccupation bordering on obsession. Over time, I've had to reconcile that all I really want is to live as a woman and to be shown the respect afforded every other woman. I'll never really know whether I am passing in any given situation. And I've come to realize that watching others can a flag that may cause people question who I am. The fact is, as a woman, I simply have to conduct myself accordingly. That has always been my ambition, and I'm the one who is best able to mess that up. Instead, I now choose to live life more joyfully and stop looking over my shoulder.

[LittleEmily24]

i feel ya quite similarly. I began to wonder (recently in fact) whether I pass better now or if people just suddenly became more respectful than they use to be. It could be a combination of hormones or my attitude towards the public, or me just ignoring them and concentrating on living my happy day. In the end I became accustomed to the fact that (for now at least) i will never know whether or not I pass but that it doesn't really matter anyway because I'm living as the woman I've wanted to be for years.

I've actually noticed (and learned) that sometimes people just look at people for the sake of looking at people, just like me or you might look up or look around and meet our eyes with another stranger just for the sake of having looked in their direction or because something they might have been wearing or a sound they randomly made caught the attention of our alert mind. I think the only real way you can tell if something is off is when someone gawks at you apologetically. I use to make myself believe "they're staring at me because I'm beautiful"... until I actually experienced that. I went to a karaoke bar (and i dont pass very well but regardless) some guy that frequents the bar, about my age if not a few years older, was giving me this look ~ but it wasn't a "whoa what is that" kind of look. It was a gentle and bordering on creepy "looking at you from across the room *wink wink*" kind of look. So now I know the difference between rude gawking and silent admiration. Being that I'm tall as all hell (6'1") that could also be a factor in people and their need to stare... its not often you see a very tall girl.

In the end you never really truly ultimately know unless they openly say something to you. Best to just ignore it lest it drive you mad.

[AnnieMay]

Emily, you make a good point about the fact that people normally look at one another. Not to look at others can also be a problem. I suspect other like me are used to not wanting to draw attention to themselves. For most of my life, I could tell you the color of your shoes, but not your eyes. But that can also be a problem and I miss out on living life as a social human being.

[Jill F]

Own it.  Stand tall, be proud and confident.  Smile.

6'2" here.  Part of passing or not getting a second look is your demeanor.

[AnneB]

I have seen quite a few tall/large women lately, but they smile, and have genuinely confident eyes.  That alone conveys what they are.  There are readings, sayings, movie lines, etc that have one common theme...   Do not doubt what you are, or what is inside you.  If you believe, others will too.

Hugs!

Paula

[LittleEmily24]

Emily, you make a good point about the fact that people normally look at one another. Not to look at others can also be a problem. I suspect other like me are used to not wanting to draw attention to themselves. For most of my life, I could tell you the color of your shoes, but not your eyes. But that can also be a problem and I miss out on living life as a social human being.

'

I dont think its a problem 0_o I mean, some people are just like that. I have a photographic memory, I can tell you exactly what you were wearing, how you smelled, what we were watching, the time of day, the sounds that were being heard at the same time as what you were saying 4 years ago that one time we hung out lol... but i'd forget your name or the color of your eyes in an instant. I usually cant remember the color of anyone's eyes even the people i see all the time.

Often times if I ever see another transwoman in the mall or something, i have a flicker of hope that maybe she'll notice me or maybe she'll notice me noticing her, and there will be that connection of "there's more of us", but its true that most of the time they dont want to draw attention. I don't really care if I get attention, i would probably be ecstatic to see and talk to another person like me, especially in my town where I literally feel like I'm the town's designated transgirl.

[AnneB]

Often times if I ever see another transwoman in the mall or something, i have a flicker of hope that maybe she'll notice me or maybe she'll notice me noticing her, and there will be that connection of "there's more of us", but its true that most of the time they dont want to draw attention. I don't really care if I get attention, i would probably be ecstatic to see and talk to another person like me, especially in my town where I literally feel like I'm the town's designated transgirl.

At times, I almost want to run up, and hug away her pain, but as you said, you do not want to bring more pain by any chance of outing her, or him.  There is a time and place for everything.  In a support group hall is one thing, outside, is another, maybe just a slight nod is all, if even that..

[Ducks]

Passing and respect are the highest standard I can achieve, so I don't care which it is, either one would be tops.  If I had to think about it, respect would be even better because passing is so unfair a standard as it all depends on things you can't control, like what the other person is thinking or looking at, as well as any physical things that might make passing harder.

Eventually, all I want is to feel safe and female, just like every other girl out there!

[Ms Grace]

I'm 6'3"...I know taller cis women exist but I'm yet to see one in the flesh! The majority of people don't even look at me, even in the shopping malls or on the trains. So I guess that's passing. Within my work environment everyone knows that I am trans, so in a sense there's no chance to actually pass but at least I get treated with respect. Some people in public do look at me and smile, but it has always been a pleasant smile - either they're being friendly, or they like the look of me, or they realise I'm trans and are being respectful...or all of the above. You can never tell so best not to over think it.

[BeingSonia]

I'm 6'3"...I know taller cis women exist but I'm yet to see one in the flesh!

Try northern countries in Europe. It's where they hide. In the Netherlands and Norway, I'm dwarfed...

[Aquarelle]

Also Czech Republic... 5'11 here and I felt quite normal, when I lived in Prague for a few months

[FalseHybridPrincess]

Pffff and   here I am in greece being 1.77 cm and actually towering over most girls who are usually 1.60-1.65
though I do see one , two or three girls my height everyday
I think the tallest girl Ive seen live was like 1.90

maybe I should move to germany or somethin XD

Though I dont think height matters that much in passing , its rather size...

[Dahlia]

Though I dont think height matters that much in passing , its rather size...

Yes, that's right!

[Ltl89]

I'm 5'11 and it sucks.  I hate feeling tall.  It just makes me feel like a total outcast among other girls my age.  However, I'm not sure if it will hurt my chances of passing as much as I fear.   Hell, I don't even know what gender people take me as anymore.  It's a weird thing being in the inbetween stage.

In any case, I'm glad you are able to own it and not care.  That sounds like a good place to be.