Early signs you gave yourself that you were trans, but failed to recognize

[BeingSonia]

Getting denied girl stuff because the fruits hanging between my legs were making me a boy.
Before self-harvesting, I asked my mom whom replied I'll bleed to death. I was around 5. Fast forward, 33 years, still hanging... T_T

Sonia

[Ms Grace]

Now you mention it, I vaguely remember being told the same thing when I was very young!!!

[Jill F]

Oh crap, never thought it worth mentioning until now, but why is it that I have had so many lesbian friends since forever?  Not only that, but the number of lesbian and bisexual cisgirls I have either kissed or fooled around with over the years is sort of off the chart.  And to think I once turned down the one chance in a lifetime for a threesome with two cute redheads...  OMG, they were all on to something that I failed to recognize myself.

[Sir Real]

Always HATED those.  I had men's room anxieties since forever.  It's not like my junk didn't measure up, but I had problems putting it on display. 

On a side note, another reason that I despise urinals is the design.  It seemed that no matter what angle you hit it at, the damned things are so parabolic that it always splashes back on you. EWWW!  Sitting is so much more hygenic anyway.

Total derailing here, but someone's actually done studies on how to not get splash back at urinals.  Not surprisingly enough, part of the resolution was to stand several inches away which I don't think would fly well with most people. (also aiming for the lower sides apparently helped)

[mooncab]

It's funny, I was just going to post a new topic about this, and here I find it at the top of the messageboard.

Just general anxiety and social anxiety I guess? I repeatedly told my mom, also starting in early middle school, and through high school, that I felt subtly dissociated, that I never felt like I was *in* the moment, or that I had a true sense of the present... that when I was around people I felt like I wasn't totally on, that I couldn't 100% psychically connect with the other person? Like there was some element of dissonance and I didn't know where it was coming from.

In middle school (~8th grade) I told my family at dinner that if I could have been born a boy I would in a heartbeat.

I hated wearing bras or any material close to my chest starting from my first bras. It just felt uncomfortable, and not right--even the most comfy victorias secret bras.

I also just started dressing like an emo androgynous boy in middle school which was a phase. In high school I also dressed androgynous but I mistakenly thought at the time that it was because I was bisexual. I also constantly drew doodles of the boyish hair I wanted, like everyday, on all my homework, all my notes, for several years. And I thought it was just cause I was attracted to boys...

but now I know why I did all these things and felt that way 

I didn't feel explicit dysphoria until the end of my first year in college, which is when I realized I was trans masculine.

[Laurenza]

Do any of you feel kind of dense for not seeing some obvious signs?

to be honest i think i still cant see some obvious signs. i mean i can tick 99% of the boxes that says im trans, pass every test to determine my gendernessness, but still cant accept it

[immortal gypsy]

Refusing to put anything in my pants/shorts pocket, always needed to have a bag on me

[Tysilio]

Refusing to put anything in my pants/shorts pocket, always needed to have a bag on me

Hah. I was the exact opposite. I had to carry a handbag when I was in high school, and I was always losing the damn thing. Hated it, too.

[JamesG]

In hindsight, I pretty much hit every sign on the way down to today...

[defective snowflake]

I could probably list a few things, but then I knew what I was from an early age. Signs don't matter a tinker to me, things transpired the way they did and looking back and trying to figure out this or that from stuff just isn't helpful at all for me. Besides, its too easy to look at little silly things from your past and try to connect dots where there may not really have been any real connections, just coincidences.

[MacG]

I remember practicing standing to pee off and on as a little kid.

[Hex]

Before puberty? I just chalked it up to the fact I had 2 brothers and people would just call me a tomboy instead. I climbed trees, fished, dug in the dirt, raced toy cars and so on. I didn't think it was such a big deal at those ages. Didn't even really care what gender I identified with.
After puberty though things shifted a lot. I got bottom dysphoria, wanted to present more male, relished in it actually when I could. But I knew absolutely zilch about transgender. I knew about gay and bisexual by the time I was 15/16. Around the time I discovered I liked girls and boys both equally but really even by the time I hit 17/18 I had only known about MtF and that's all I ever knew about transgender up until I was 24 surprisingly enough. I tripped on Ftm when I went gender searching through google trying to find out why I felt such self loathing and why I felt like I should have a penis instead downstairs.
Finally kind of put the puzzle pieces together last year for my self. The presenting as male, enjoying my hair cut like a guys, mannerisms for years like one, the feelings I had. Just made total sense to me once I actually paid attention to my self rather than trying to please everyone else.

[GnomeKid]

I dont know that i can say i ignored much of it. As soon as i could talk i was telling people that i was a boy. I went to a gender therapist in like 1st grade... My parents told me to walk a middle line, so thats what i did.  Eventually growing into strictly buying from the boys section as of maybe 9th grade or earlier... I didn't know there was any path to actually becoming a boy until my girlfriend freshman year of college noticed my attempts to bind and said... "Lets figure this thing out."  And opened my eyes to the possibility of moving forward in a positive way.  I never really went through a denial after that point. Before then i just didn't know there was really an answer.

(But oh the years i spent trying to lick my own elbow... juuust kidding)

[ZombieDog]

I was always a really eclectic kid.  Being raised a girl in the late eighties, early ninties, it was okay for me to not want to wear dresses and catch frogs in the creek.  My parents just thought I was a huge tomboy.  My dad and his dad almost encouraged it.  His side of the family were outdoorsy people.  Horseback riding, fishing, boating, camping, hunting, dog training, etc were things they liked to do.  So I think they thought it was adorable that I wanted to do what they did too.  So I can't really blame myself for not realizing that I always kind of wanted to be a boy.

I always identified with male characters on TV and in movies and video games, I remember this when I was as young as 5.  I was never the princess wearing dresses and needing saving.  I was the knight, or maybe the dragon.  *grins*

The first time I consciously thought "I wish I were a boy" was when I was probably 8 or 9 and I tried to hide my long hair under a hat, wear my most boyish clothes, and get my step-brother to call me "Marcus".  He wouldn't do it and laughed at me.  When I hit puberty, my dad and step-mom basically shamed me into being acceptably feminine and I didn't try to be masculine again until I was in college.  I think if I'd known that transition was possible at all, that I'd have tried much, much sooner.

[Erik Ezrin]

So many recognisable stories here (especially from the guys, lol. Though it's nice to hear stuff from the girls' perspective.)
It's really great to read all of this and see you are not alone! Kind of all my life I thought I was, now I see I was very very wrong!

I also thought NO ONE would ever want to be a girl. That ALL girls felt what I felt, and thus I was just a normal girl that couldn't deal with ->-bleeped-<-, and had to adapt. I thought everyone felt like a boy and hated their body. I just COULD NOT see WHY someone wanted to be a girl. And thus the existence of MTF's came as a shock to me... guys... that felt like girls, wanted to be girls!? That was just the polar opposite from how I felt, LOL. But then I discovered FTM's, and ->-bleeped-<-, and everything, and now I finally know WHY I feel like this. That not every FAAB person feels this and that I am not alone in feeling this either. It changed my life!

[mm]

I have to add my take on this after reading about all the other ftm's.  I just played with mostly boys growing up, liked there games, sports, and the outside things they did.  I just thought I was one of them and they accepted me fine.  I did have that problem that they could go over in the woods when they wanted to pee and be back quickly.  I some how accepted that I was different but I think also though I would grow a penis some day and be able to do the same.  This all changed the summer between 7th and 8th grade, I got my first shark week and my chest enlarged.  My mother and grandma took this as an opportunity to get be interested in girly things, which I did for 9 and 10th grade.  Then I started questioning what I was I really.

[LittleEmily24]

I was actually angry to have discovered so much about my past and never having discovered even the slightest idea of what transgender even was. My mind grew such a vast denial that I even grew an ignorant dislike for the trans community.

I try not to linger on it, but when I'm having one of by bad hormone days, I cry about not having seen the signs sooner or how none of the 7 psychologists I saw as a child because of my serious depression, anxiety and concentration issues could pinpoint it... I always played with girls toys, all my best friends were not just girls,  but the girliest of girls... I wanted so many girl toys growing up which I was denied out of "fear that I might become gay".. Always wanted to wear bright colors, girl clothes, girl swimsuits.. And what was their "diagnosis"? A ridiculous combination of ADHD and "Daddy issues", despite me and my dad having a great relationship and me not having even the slightest bit of resentment towards any of my family members, least of all my dad.

SEVEN freaking psychs, all saying the same bull just from "looking at me."

Life would have been so different for me had I just known earlier... And it would have also been 35 suicide attempts lighter.

Also; I hated being friends with boys because they were so harsh and apathetic... When I wanted someone to talk about my feelings, only my girl friends were there because all my guy friends were too busy telling me "stop being such a girl. It's depressing."

I remember the first time I grew a hatred for my assigned gender... I was with my best friend and we were playing a classic video game together (silent hill 1) because her bf told her to play it. We were gonna spend the whole night scaring ourselves silly... But I couldn't sleep over because "you're a boy and she's a girl and it's not right."... I was so sad, I failed to see the problem no matter how much my parents and her parents tried to rationalize it. If that's not another obvious indication, all my life, my girl friends have always considered me "one of the girls"... They would talk to me about things that they would never talk to a guy about. I was always a good listener and an open book, and none of them felt the need to treat me as another guy because unlike my male friends, the idea of a friend zone was moronic to me.

I started flirting with gender confusion when I laid down my ignorance and befriended someone who is FTM. Then it was just a matter of a collapsing dam. I went from thinking I was just a feminine male, to thinking I was gender fluid, to finally realizing that my entire male persona was just an act that almost became a solidified lie. I almost believed it was true until I experienced the other side and cried for hours because I never wanted to go back (at the time I felt like I had no choice but to be male the rest of my life, unaware that transition was even a possibility for me what with having a wife and having built a whole life as male... So glad I was wrong)

[GnomeKid]

So many recognisable stories here (especially from the guys, lol. Though it's nice to hear stuff from the girls' perspective.)
It's really great to read all of this and see you are not alone! Kind of all my life I thought I was, now I see I was very very wrong!

I also thought NO ONE would ever want to be a girl. That ALL girls felt what I felt, and thus I was just a normal girl that couldn't deal with ->-bleeped-<-, and had to adapt. I thought everyone felt like a boy and hated their body. I just COULD NOT see WHY someone wanted to be a girl. And thus the existence of MTF's came as a shock to me... guys... that felt like girls, wanted to be girls!? That was just the polar opposite from how I felt, LOL. But then I discovered FTM's, and ->-bleeped-<-, and everything, and now I finally know WHY I feel like this. That not every FAAB person feels this and that I am not alone in feeling this either. It changed my life!

I definitely relate 100% to that.  It always shocked me when my girl friends were into girl things... and into being girls in general. 

[Kylie]

Playing superstitious games with myself "if I land this game of hopscotch, I will wake up as a girl tomorrow"

I used to do this with everything!  . Never worked though 

I have felt this way for as long as I can remember, the first time I can actually date it though was when I was an angel in the church Christmas show around the age of 4.  I was dressed in a pretty angel costume and my best friend's mom was putting make up on me, it just felt right and I was so happy .  I also used to pray every night that I would wake up a girl.  When that didn't work, I tried to sell my soul to the devil for it like I had seen in a movie.  I even had a pentagram in red lipstick that I drew on my stomach.  It must have been a pathetic and hilarious sight, if only my parents had walked in!

Signs that everyone else did or should have noticed in my life.....

- I wanted to play the flute and violin in grade school like the other girls, (my parents caught that clue and made me play the saxophone and cello

- I had posters of Belinda Carlisle and other female singers on my wall at a very young age before they would have been for attraction (first person I ever wanted to be was Belinda Carlisle circa 1980 before the horrible boy haircuts). 

- I always picked female characters when playing video games.

- Most of my music was and still is from female artists

- got caught shoplifting women's clothes in 6th grade

- my sister noticed that I was shaving my legs once I started growing hair

And yet with all of this, it will somehow be a shock to everyone around me I am sure.

[Polo]

  It always shocked me when my girl friends were into girl things... and into being girls in general.

Definitely this. Except it wasn't really shock, I knew that I was supposed to feel the way they did, but the "I must be an alien" feeling surprised me all the time.