Bathroom awkwardness/doubts

[ReubenIsTheName]

I wasn't quite sure where exactly on this site to post this, so I decided to try here, with my transsexual family

So, I had a strange feeling the other day at the movies. Me and my (male) best friend were coming out of the movie, and he really had to use the bathroom. I told him I did, too, and he proceeded to say "Well, come on in with me, dude!" I kinda stood there, shocked that this was even an option. I refused with this weird look on my face, and he pushed once more, but I just shook my head, and he wnet on about his business in there. Now, I feel like I should have gone, just to test the waters in public. I've never used the bathroom in a men's room, if memory serves.

Should I even try, being pre T, let alone pre op? I know I am male, but only my short hair and manly attire reflect that as far as outward appearance goes. Now that I know that's actually an option, thanks to my bestie, I really want to do it. I mean, I get confused as a male now a lot, anyway, so maybe no one in there would notice? 

[Tysilio]

Dude, I wish I had a guy friend like that. Take him up on it next time. In fact, tell him thanks for what he said and that you want a next time soon. That's about the best kind of support there is:  to treat you like who you are and show support by actions, not just words.

Men's bathroom etiquette pretty much revolves around the premise that nobody looks at anybody else, or talks, so you should be fine; and if you're with a friend you've got backup.

Go for it, say I.

[ReubenIsTheName]

Thanks, man! I'll definitely have to take him up on it next time!

[Polo]

I second the suggestion of thanking him and telling him you'll take him up on it next time. If you don't say anything he may not offer again for a while. It's really no big deal though I know it feels like it the first few times. Don't worry, if you survive a cursory glance then you're just fine.

[FTMDiaries]

I agree - your bestie sounds like a great guy.

I used the men's room exclusively for about 9 months before I started T, and for more than a year before I came anywhere near passing. It's all about confidence: if you act like you have every right to be there, other guys will presume you do. I felt really nervous inside, but I just projected an illusion of confidence so nobody ever questioned me.

If it helps build up your confidence, you could always go in & just wash your hands quickly and then leave. Then work your way up to using the cubicles.

Oh, and it does get better. If you choose to use T, the changes to your voice, face and body will help you blend in with the natives.

[Jill F]

Just act like you belong in there and own it.  It's no big deal.

Pre-T FTMs often pass as adolescent boys anyway.  I probably would not have noticed in all my years as a "dude".  Even if I did clock a transguy in there, I'd call it a pretty ballsy move.   It's not like you're perceived as a potential threat like we are the other way around.

[suzifrommd]

If you're male presenting in any way, it's the place to go, right? I can't imagine men caring. Guys go in, do their thing and go out. They don't even look at each other.

[mm]

This is all great advice, go in with confidence  use one of the stalls (cubicles) sit do your business, wash your hands and leave.  There is little or no talking so problem needing to use your voice. Guy are in and out quickly.  I am pre-t and having using only the men's restroom for about 9 months. 

[Jason C]

To be honest, lots of cis females will sometimes use the men's bathroom. Like if the women's is busy or something. So even if you never passed, I'd say you could go for it. Because you do pass a lot, that's even more reason. Maybe go when it's not busy in there. Men don't stop to chat like women do, so just go in there, do your thing, and get out. That's all you need to do, and it'll be fine, especially if you're going in with your friend, so you know you're not alone

[E-Brennan]

I agree with the "just do it, it's not a big deal" crowd.  It happens semi-regularly, and guys using the bathroom might - at most - awkwardly look at each other with a "did I just see a girl?" kind of expression, before going on about their business.  It's more amusing than dangerous.

[HoneyStrums]

It funny, I give the same responces to my fem friends too. But bieng FtM i make a point of going neutral considering im pre op and hrt.

The funny thing is though, the where to we arguments i have with my sister always get attention. I Often get complette strager women comming up agree with my sis i should just go. Odly anough the more i point out just because she is fine doesnt mean others will be, seems to just increase there efforts.

In the end i have to point out the legal issue of it. Yes im trans but still legaley male and just one frightened woman could provide me with a rather undesired first offence.

[Bombadil]

I've gone to the men's room pre-t but lately I've been lacking the nerve. But if I had a buddy to go with, I'd totally do it. You have an awesome bestie

[Adam (birkin)]

I'd say it's good if your friend is there, it might make you feel safe. I didn't start using the men's room for a while, until I passed quite a bit, but those first few times my brother was there and we went at the same time and it made me feel better. Like if anything went down I had someone in there who knew what was good.

[justpat]

  Being that I always sit down anyway I just pick which ever door is unlocked. I prefer the womens it is cleaner but any pot will do in a pinch.Twice today my SO and I ended up in stalls next to each other. Best part of that she ended up in one that had no paper and I could save the day !    In places with no locks I just walk right in and grab a stall, no big deal.

[David27]

I used the mens room the other day at Target. I pass ok, but my chest looked weird with the extra padding from surgery. I usually don't use the mens restroom if their is a gender neutral one around in public places. At school however I only use the gender neutral ones because my school mates are very conservative and my face is recognizable.