Hello

[Unknownfavor]

Hey there my names Kevin I'm terrible at these types of introductions and have no clue where to start. But to be honest I guess I'm just looking for help or someone to talk to. I think I am trans but am in no way sure or certain of it or if I'm just scared of admitting my true self. And I know I should probaby see a therapist but I work two jobs 7 days every week and need every penny I can make and every secound of sleep I can get. I cant even remember the last time I had a day off... And I am only on here cause the paitient im watching is asleep and it gives me a couple hours to myself, I also read alot of everyones posts and everyone here seems like really amazing people.

But anyway I'm tiered of bottling my emotions and feelings I'm tiered of picking my self up dusting my self off and pretending like nothing happened. And I've tried reaching out to two of my close friends but theyre going through some stuff as well and just told me to seek more professional help and I really didn't want to make they're lives any harder so we pretend like it never happened. I guess I'm just tiered of being alone in all this haha...

[Ms Grace]

Hey Kevin!

Welcome to Susan's    Great to have you here - looking forward to seeing you around the forum.

Please check out the following posts for helpful tips and info...

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Cheers

Grace

[JulieBlair]

Hello back at you Kevin,
This is a pretty good place to begin the conversation if you have a conflict between how you feel inside, and how you perceive that you have to live.  People here span the globe, and the is almost always someone near by to talk to when you get the odd moment, or inspired thought.

There is friendship and empathy to be had here and if you're willing to make the investment and be open even some wisdom.  Part of that is most of us are not mental health care providers, and Susan's isn't a substitute for therapy.  I is however a great place to bounce ideas around, and when you're really up against sadness or fear find a willing ear. 

In any case welcome, and I look forward to getting to know you.

Hugs,
Julie

[Ravensong]

Hey there Kevin, I'm Dani! 
I hear you about working all the time.  I worked 7 days over two jobs for over a year, when I finally said enough is enough and scheduled  a regular day off for me.  Now I did that after I started working two doubles a week at my primary job for overtime (I work in security for a hotel/casino), so I am making enough now to get by with a day off. 

Here is definitely the place to start if you are questioning yourself.  I wish I had this resource when I was in high school or college.  It would have been better for me. Even without seeing somebody professionally, you can discover a lot about yourself just by reading and talking to the others here.  Have Fun, or at least try to! And don't kill yourself working!  I've done it/am doing it, and it will draw you down to places you don't want to be. Trust me, I've been there and am still recovering.

[Jessica Merriman]

Welcome Kevin! You are by no means alone in this. The reason we advocate Therapy is your mental health can and will affect your physical health. I found a good Therapist at Oklahoma State University and only get charged $10.00 a session. Check with your local college and if they have a Psychology Department check it out. A local GLBT Center can also be a good place to find one they can recommend. Do yourself a big favor and don't live with this for 40 years like I did. You took the first big step by joining here so you have a lot of support now.

[gennee]

Hi Kevin and welcome to Susan's. It's good that you have decided not to keep your feelings inside. Many of us have been there.

[Unknownfavor]

Thanks guys I appreciate your support. haha I've always was more feminine when I was younger and new I was a little different and loved doing more feminine stuff but some stuff happened to me with some family and I was forced out of it , and into doing things I didnt want to   it sort of put a big block on any thoughts of transitioning although theyre always there... and puberty didn't help when it hit me like a freight train haha my biggest fear is being afraid of passing I have sever anxiety when it comes to being judged and don't know what ill do :/

But I usually work alot or drive in my car to distract me from my thoughts haha I don't know how long that will last though

[Ravensong]

Right now, don't worry about being judged and trying to pass.  From what I've read, seen, and what I'm doing myself, it seems that a good percentage of MtFs stay presenting male until a while into their transition. (Please correct me if I'm wrong!)  So do not rush things.  The anxiety and fear will pass with time, as you become more comfortable with yourself.  Just be patient and trust yourself.