I feel so happy ,but I also feel so sad

[stephaniec]

I feel so incredibly happy that the estrogen is doing a great job on my mind and body . there are so many moments now where I TRULY FEEL LIKE THE WOMEN I've ALWAYS BEEN. Now that I'm living as a female my world is such a better place. I'm pre op so I don't try to date men because I have no interest in man to man sex. I desperately want a vagina to be complete. I don't know when or if that will happen ,but I do know It's the only thing that will make me complete. I'm also bi so the possibility is also there for me to find a woman and not need the operation to complete my life. I 'm  in a very strange place . I'm having the best time of my life going out wearing dresses and make up and being called ma'am  all the time. It's so much fun having enough hormonal change to your face to have people not hesitate seeing you as female . It's such a life long dream fulfilled . I get so sad at times because of this obstruction between my legs that should never of been there. I suppose if I had a female lover who would accept my being transgender  this thing between my legs wouldn't bother me so much because it would have some practical  value. I do love men a lot and would love to have one making love to me , but I only want it with the proper anatomy because I've had a lot of men before and know the only way I want it is vaginally . I'm in a very fickle pickle. I'm extremely happy that I'm on the right path but I'm also very confused. just thought I'd share my confusion .

[Jessica Merriman]

I am so glad you are feeling good right now. I now it has been a long journey for you. I used to have the same confusion you are having about the other though. I finally made peace with myself by deciding if I find the right one, am accepted, and not prevented from getting SRS I will let my heart decide where to go from there. Give yourself some time and just don't overthink it, you will find a balance. I am so proud of your strength and commitment to becoming the real you!

[stephaniec]

I am so glad you are feeling good right now. I now it has been a long journey for you. I used to have the same confusion you are having about the other though. I finally made peace with myself by deciding if I find the right one, am accepted, and not prevented from getting SRS I will let my heart decide where to go from there. Give yourself some time and just don't overthink it, you will find a balance. I am so proud of your strength and commitment to becoming the real you!

thanks I appreciate your friendship

[Rachel]

I am glad you are getting relief from the medications and are able to be yourself.  I decided to not get GRS as long as I am married. My wife said she would be crushed if I did and it would end out marriage. I would hate to be divorced but I we did divorce then GRS would be a silver lining. I too have always wanted vaginal sex; perhaps some day. 

[Ms Grace]

Totally get where you're coming from. Fortunately I'm not all that interested in a relationship for the moment so it doesn't bug me much. Still, the sooner the little dude (and I do mean little) is gone the better. I guess I see mine as a birth defect, unfortunate but one that at least can hopefully be fixed. Long ago, after my last transition attempt, I came to a place of self-acceptance - birth defect and all. Helps like you wouldn't believe.

[stephaniec]

Totally get where you're coming from. Fortunately I'm not all that interested in a relationship for the moment so it doesn't bug me much. Still, the sooner the little dude (and I do mean little) is gone the better. I guess I see mine as a birth defect, unfortunate but one that at least can hopefully be fixed. Long ago, after my last transition attempt, I came to a place of self-acceptance - birth defect and all. Helps like you wouldn't believe.

thanks, your picture looks very nice Grace