Hi.

[Bfp2]

I'm here to look for some answers.  I was born male but have had issues with gender my entire life.  I am afraid to state a label for a few reasons.  First being, I'm still in a bit of denial .  I am married and have an eight year old boy.  I love both my wife and son more than I can express in words.  The big problem I have is that after hiding my entire life I am now coming unglued.  I have a lot to lose by being me, I am afraid of what will happen when my wife finds out, not to mention how this could impact my kid.

I just started seeing a therapist and I'm talking through some of this.  I went for help because the depression is too overwhelming.  I've been over weight for some time but have dropped about 35 lbs in 5 weeks....I just don't want to eat.  My therapist is giving a gentle push to start exploring life as a female. What really scares me is that if I don't transition, I think I might die.

I'm not sure what to do and I'm regretting the years and years I've spent not accepting myself.  I spent so much time attempting to fix what wasn't broken....now I'm caught up in a life that should have been different from the beginning, yet still has parts I ache at the thought of losing.

I am going to try to make sure, but I am thinking this is out of my hands.

[Spiritwlker]

Welcome to Susans. It sounds like you have taken a very important step in talking to a therapist.. good for you It definitely isn't easy.. and many of us here have similar stories to your own. Explore the forums and ask questions freely... just know that while we are all here to listen and offer support and encouragement when needed as well as reality checks when needed.. we are no substitute for professional therapy. Be open to the possibilities..and you will find the answer that is right for you.

[LordKAT]

Welcome to Susan's.

You have a lot to think about and I think you will find many who have been through similar problems. A spouse and child are definitely worth hanging onto if possible. Children usually accept quite well, especially if other adults around them do. Spouses vary.

I'm glad you found us and have left you some links to check out.

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[Gina Taylor]

Hey there Bfp2  Welcome to Susan's Place. I'm sure that you'll find a lot of great information here and a lot of great people to chat with as well. Here's a big  from your new sister!

[gennee]

Hello and welcome to Susan's. It's wonderful that you're taking those first steps to understanding what you are gong through. It took my wife awhile to accept me being transgender. We had been married 25 years at that time. Now we have been together 34 years and still together.