Is this normal behaviour between males?

[Em]

There's primarily two behaviors guys display in public, to a stranger-in-passing; either the "glare and pass", if you're in a bad mood, or an unknown/bad area; or the comfortable nod or greeting, if you feel comfortable enough to acknowledge others.

Some guys interpret friendliness as "weird" or "pouffy", but that's usually just men uncomfortable with betraying perceived weakness, or fearful of being engaged. Once you realize there's no reason to let people into your space, unless you let them, it gets a lot easier.

[Adam (birkin)]

Thanks for your responses, everyone. My mind was getting paranoid, thinking "OMG they think I'm a woman and they're hitting on me? Ew!" Lol. I'm glad to know this is normal. In fact, it seems to me that rather than being an indication that I am moving "backwards" it is a sign that I am moving forward and integrating better.

I guess it depends. When I was presenting as a guy, if a random guy greeted me for no apparent reason I just presumed they were drunk/from the country/gay/wanted something. Yes, I'm terribly cynical. No, I don't have many male friends! One of my few male friends is very friendly though and certainly would do what you described with other men for no reason other than to be friendly.

I really worked hard on avoiding eye contact!

Yes, I am rather cynical too. I guess part of it for me IS unwanted attention from men in the past...I haven't had male friends in a very long time, which is sad because I kind of miss it. I just stopped trusting the intentions of other men, I guess.

Sometimes I read things like this and wonder if it can really be that complicated being a guy. Then I think back and realize how many awkward years I had and how long it took me to develop social skills and I realize that a lot of you guys are sometimes decades behind me on even starting the process from a guy's POV.

I think it's a way of displaying confidence. If you walk by someone with your head down because you're really shy, you look timid, like a victim. If you do happen to be crossing paths with a not-so-friendly stranger, you will seem like less of a target when displaying confidence. This applies to everyone, of course, though though I wonder if a woman doing it might be misconstrued as interest by someone who's on the lookout for such things and isn't very socially adept.

That's probably all it is. Still, part of me couldn't help but wonder if a few of them aren't gay guys who are actually trying to flirt a little. But that's because I'm gay so I'm biased.

Yeah, I can see why it struck you as odd at first. Normally, I don't really think much about stuff like this, but since it was a new thing that happened, it struck me as unusual. What you're saying makes sense too. My brother said hi to a guy as we walked tonight, and the guy just said "hi" back and didn't seem to think it was in any way odd.

I also doubt gay men are hitting on me, lol. I'm not a very sexy specimen.

[FalseHybridPrincess]

eeeer 19 years as guy ,,,it has never happened to me...
so honestly I dont know what you re talking about dearies...

I guess it was just these specific people

[Amy The Bookworm]

I think some of it depends on the culture, which can vary even within a place like the United States. In some parts of the country this is fine, in other parts people would look at you like you're nuts. Here where I live, doing so isn't just fine ... you're a little off if you don't acknowledge people.

Sounds like it's normal.

[luna nyan]

Nothing strange about it.
If I'm on a walk and come across someone, if there is a smile in the eyes, I will give a smile and a good morning/afternoon.  I guess I'm old fashioned courtesy wise - I feel self centred if I don't acknowledge others.

[Jessi Lee 1970]

in my experience most men on the street are very comfortable not saying anything to each other if its not necessary. But close range eye contact does make it necessary to acknowledge intent. That simple "Hey" in my life has always meant, "Hey I have no problems with you if you have none with me" and then you move out of range. Prolonged contact for me, say on a bus, or lite-rail, usually involves neutral joke telling or weather talk to disarm the other person so that they do not feel threatened. At my work, which is one of the most testosterone filled work environments, prolonged close contact and conversation cause a dominance ranking of who is the most respected.
The weird part is that it is all an act for me, so I analyse and breakdown why everyone is acting the way they do, so I can blend in better in all situations like a social chameleon.

[JoanneB]

I think a lot depends on where you live. Here, in the New York City area people making eye contact, much less greeting you is far from the norm. Yet, when I was living in rural West Virginia greeting anyone and everyone was the norm. Even drivers in cars waving to me as I took my walks (guy mode).

Culture shock works both ways

[dalebert]

Here in NH, I find it's the norm to at least smile and nod as you pass each other, maybe say "hi".

[Rayne]

It's normal. My dad makes friends constantly. He can talk to anyone anyone and become friends with them. It all depends on the guy. This is just one guy saying hi to another. IT can be a hey and a nod or a full stop, do a nice hand shake, have some idle chat, etc. It all depends on the guy and how talkative and/or friendly they are. Don't be bothered, it's normal. My dad does this to people he might never had met and shakes hands, talks a bit, etc.

[Christine Eryn]

I was at the movies today and thought of this thread! It's the time bofore the actual previews start, and this guy sitting next to me starts commenting to me about the commercials. From out of nowhere, it's like we were best buds. Now keep in mind I'm borderline androgenous but dress enough in "boy mode" as not to throw any red flags. This guy was with his girlfriend and seemed straight, and kind of looked like surfer dude, and still talked to little old me out of nowhere, several times in fact.

[meganB]

Really depends on where you live and not if you are a man/woman (though in some cultures it meaby is that way).

Where I grew up it was normal to ignore everyone execpt people you know. Where I now live it's normal to say hallo to anyone. I don't have noticed any differences between gender, but in both places guys sooner start a conversation with guys than with women (and the other way arround).

[Reth]

At least in southern California where I live, this is a pretty common thing among the sexes. Girls gravitate towards girls and are willing to open up and talk on a time, and the same goes for guys - that is how a lot of guys actually end up being friends; they happen to meet and chat out of the blue one day, and find they have a lot in common and become friends - then they'll introduce you to their friends and now you have a circle. I tend to cross gender barriers with this because I'm pretty gender fluid, so I actually found my group of current friends chatting up some girls in my art class about nerd comic book stuff when I noticed she had a Captain America jacket.

Just be cool with it - if a guy or girl starts to regularly chat with you, chances are you're actually blending pretty well. You'll know in a hurry if they are being flirty or not, but if a guy/girl just gives you a nod, a high, talks to you in a theater, or in a line, etc chances are they are just looking for a safe chat and you've managed to blend well enough to step into the circle. Celebrate!

[Li]

its common here in Washington as well. everyday i see girls meet up with girls and guys meet up with guys. and i have even had guys out of the blue that i don't know say hi and some have even talked to me.

[timbuck2]

Depends on where you're from! Very uncommon in the city where I am but whenever I leave the area it's very normal behavior. Not just amongst men though, amongst everyone. I think it just has a lot to do with the environment you're in.