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Need Advice (FTM)

Started by PhoenixAsher, May 17, 2014, 05:06:14 PM

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PhoenixAsher

I'm sorry to hear that, Arch. I hope it's going easier for you now, and maybe you can get back to exercising.

At the moment, I'm not out to family or friends so everything I'm doing has to look "normal," so I'm trying to focus on the exercising and hair (which will be fairly long...emo style). Or things they can't see (I.e., boxers, male deodorant, etc.)

I'll be free to do what I please in about 5 months, so that's when I can start doing some more outwardly transitions. I'm not sure how far I'm going to take this. I would love to go all the way, but for now, I'm testing the waters.

How about you?
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Arch

I should make an appointment with my podiatrist, but my schedule this month has been hell. I'll probably call up on Monday and make an appointment for June. In the meantime, I'm trying to manage my stress and my eating. Still a struggle. But I look MUCH better as a somewhat overweight man than as a somewhat overweight woman. Oog. Back then, I looked so unhealthy. I couldn't look in the mirror without cringing (well, some of that was gender dysphoria). Now I just look like a guy who eats a little too much Ben & Jerry's.

If you want to get the ball rolling in five months, maybe you can take that time to start laying out the groundwork and doing research and so forth. Are you in the U.S.?
"The hammer is my penis." --Captain Hammer

"When all you have is a hammer . . ." --Anonymous carpenter
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PhoenixAsher

Aha, there's always a bright side, eh? Good on you for taking that step :p

Yeah, I've been doing some research and hanging out around here for a while now. Yes, I am in the U.S.
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Arch

Well, if you are a young guy (if you are a minor, don't post your age), are you hoping to transition in college? I did my transition on the job as an older adult, but my university system covers transition for both students and staff/faculty. I always do say that a college education is a great opportunity . . .
"The hammer is my penis." --Captain Hammer

"When all you have is a hammer . . ." --Anonymous carpenter
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PhoenixAsher

My friend was just telling me about that actually, and I think that'd be great. I'll have to do more research on what universities offer help and such. Thank you for the idea
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LordKAT

Quote from: PhoenixAsher on May 17, 2014, 07:18:37 PM
Yes, dark clothes help a lot, Kat. I have a few awesome shirts that really help, and I'll be working to add to that soon. If I'm correct, horizontal stripes are a no-no, right?

Correct, especially for shorter and/or wider people (like me). Button down shirts seem to help, at least for me.
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PhoenixAsher

I've heard that before...maybe I'll give button downs a try at work when I can't wear the band Tees :D
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Avery.u2205

A good exercise is (shoulder) dips. All you need is something a couple of feet tall, like a bench or chair, with some space in front of it. Sit on the ground with your back against it, with your legs out in front of you. Have your hands up on the bench/etc behind you, palms down and elbows pointed back. Then push down with your hands, holding yourself up for a few seconds. It builds up the back/should muscles right under the arms. This helps people get that male V shaped upper body. Hope this helps.
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PhoenixAsher

I love you, Avery. That sounds perfect. Thank you!
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Li

Well T has about a 57% chance of helping you maintain weight. I was told this when i was 12 when they diagnosed me with...well lets say i have a very high testosterone level that i shouldn't have so i got the bad luck of being the 43% that have a hard time controlling my weight but i'm getting there. But the percent could hav changed over the years and they could be in your favor if you do wish to try T.
Be you and let others be themselves.
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PhoenixAsher

Li, I do wish to start T, but I hear that that will take a while before I can get on it. So I'm trying whatever I can to pass before then. :p and ah, that must be hard but it's awesome that you're doing better. Good luck to you
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Erik Ezrin

What also worked for me is to paint on my eyebrows a bit darker and thicker (but not so much it looks too fake), as I naturally have very thin eyebrows that look really feminine.

Also try to speak more monotone and slow, an spreak from your chest instead of your throat. The way you speak (slow, confident, instead of fast and nervous) often matters a whole lot more than the pitch of your voice. Speak as if you are in control.

Guys are generally speaking also more dominant than girls, ESPECIALLY in the presence of other guys (they have to 'prove' they are strong and all), so try to be straight to the point, direct, in charge, etc. Also if you try to use the male toilet (it is perfectly possible pre T. I do it all the time when I am in an environment where I am fully presenting as male (so also with name and all)), just walk in quick, pop into the nearest stall, don't look around, don't look at other guys, don't talk to anyone, do your business and get out asap.

Also there is this 'rule' that if a big guy approaches a small guy on pavement, the small guy always yields.

If you greet another guy, just a simple "hi" or a nod is enough. Do not say "Hello sir, good day to you. How are you?" Yadda yadda yadda unless it's a friend and you want to talk with them or something. In that case a simple "Hey mate! How's life?" or something is good.

If you shake hands (this applies to females too btw) look the other person in the eye, grip firm but don't squish their hand.

Also guys among each other do a lot of mock-play and insult each other all the time, this is NORMAL and just a sign of friendly competition (you will know when it is serious, lol). Do not shy away when they do it, or feel insulted, but mock them back just as hard. Guys in a group are constantly competing and testing each other, if you don't participate you are instantly viewed as the 'weak one'.
Also, cursing and bad language is generally more accepted among guys than among girls. And guys do NOT do this sort of mock-play with girls. (what I experienced is that they are often much gentler with girls than with fellow guys. Unless they are douchebags)

Putting your hands on your hips is generally considered feminine, putting your hands in your pockets masculine/something guys do a lot.

If you get a firs date, the guy pays. It's just decent. And if you don't, it's basically a way of saying "I liked it, but let's just stay friends". If it's a date, the guy pays. Period. Also, take her coat, open doors for her, etc. (if she likes that and is not some sort of an 'equal rights'-feminist who insists she can do it herself) Respect her, listen to her, laugh about her jokes, tell something about yourself and try to flirt a little if you see she likes you, and you can even get a lady as trans and pre-T. (if you pass, like when on T, tell her AS SOON AS POSSIBLE you are trans. Preferably during or before the first date. Then she knows what she's getting into and the chances of her accepting as MUCH bigger)

Buying too big clothes is not (always) a good idea as they can make you seem smaller, etc. and a sports bra can be used as a binder for the smaller chested guys (chesticle size AA/A)

Wow, this got longer than expected, but that's all I can think about right now, hope it helps.
"I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not" -Kurt Cobain

My fb art page; https://www.facebook.com/BellaKohlerArt
My DA art page; http://asrath.deviantart.com/
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PhoenixAsher

Woah, that's a lot of information that I didn't know before. (Seems that I have lots of work to do lol.)

I also have really thin eyebrows. I tried to fill them in a little, but they always look too fake. They might look more natural now that my hair is black, so I'll try again.

I'm working really hard on my voice right now. I've noticed that the way guys talk to other guys is different than when a girl is involved. Ever since I've begun presenting as male, even online, I can sense the more direct, dominant (and mock-play definitely) that happens with other guys. I think I adjusted to that one the easiest.

Handshakes are something else I can work on pre-T so thanks for the idea.

I've become familiar with the hands in pockets and legs shoulder width apart stance a lot of guys take on and have been mimicking it for a while that it comes almost naturally now.

As for dates, if it was a girl, I'd probably offer to pay if I like her, yes. But I'm pansexual and tend to date guys more often, so then it depends I guess. I don't expect to be a total douche haha

And baggy clothes aren't my style so I won't be in a rush to get anything bigger than I need to, trust me.


Thanks for the loads of information; it helped and gave me more things to work on.
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Erik Ezrin

You're welcome.
And ABOVE ALL remember to stay yourself! If you are a talkative/femme/less masculine guy that is okay too! I am not femme at all, but I am not a typical "alpha" either, nor do I have any ambitions or wishes to be one. Whatever you do, make sure one mask doesn't replace the other. Just do what feels good and right to you. Don't try to prove yourself to others, you don't need to prove ANYTHING, you are a guy and you are strong and awesome JUST AS YOU ARE! So step in that room and show that! Don't let anyone kick you down for who you are!
"I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not" -Kurt Cobain

My fb art page; https://www.facebook.com/BellaKohlerArt
My DA art page; http://asrath.deviantart.com/
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PhoenixAsher

Erik, thanks for the reminder. I am more of a "girly guy," or femme, sometimes (a lot of the time), and the fact that I'm pansexual (but mostly attracted to masculinity) makes people question why I want to transition at all. So it's nice to have someone remind me not to leave this persona for another "more masculine" one. Thanks again.

Immortal, funny, I never thought of that as an exercise haha but don't you think my mom would wonder if a pair of crutches randomly appeared on my front porch :p
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Lorus

I am no pro and tend to do my own thing here, but good old push-ups and chin-ups have done wonders for my body shape. Not there yet, but better!
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