should be something of a plan?

[Michaela Whimsy]

I have not transitioned at all yet partly due to my wife and young daughter.  They are the only 2 that I have come out to that isn't the problem. As a male I have a good job and an overall comfortable life from a materialistic standpoint.  Were I work now there is no way in hell I could transition on the job (I am in charge of about 20 (Most of them my parents age) guys in my department that if they smashed their hand with a hammer and couldn't hold onto what they were beating cause their hand broke they would  probably just use their teeth and continue beating on whatever needed it).  They are also VERY right wing.  My job position is not one that ordinarily ( if not ever I don't think) comes from a college degree and there is not a certification for it, it is normally an organically obtained position bred from working as one of these guys and showing a knack for organization and forethought.

Having a family and currently providing most of the income I feel a lot of obligation to not ->-bleeped-<- up my family's financial position.  So do I start transition and hope that I am respected enough at work that  I can stay there and not end up in a ditch? ( that i somewhat figurative, but the fear of transitioning there is at about that level)

I am wondering how hard it would be to apply at a new job as female and transfer the experience from my male past doing the same job I do now somewhere else.  Or start going back college and finish up the degree (which isn't far along) and quit working and transition while a student living on savings and student loans and then just start a new career as female stealth?

I have to go to a therapist soon and hopefully get started on hormones before I drive the wife so crazy that SHE needs a therapist in fact she has been asking when I am making an appointment so she can talk to them.  I just feel like ->-bleeped-<-ing up my family's well being without trying to make things right for them is selfish.  I nor my wife find me transitioning as selfish.  It is me mostly that thinks that not having at least a general direction to go is selfish.  I also wonder, well I am pretty sure, that for myself I would need to have this figured out prior to doing anything.

Any thoughts, life experience, suggestions?  I am a little OCD at times, but I am guessing these are normal fears?  If it was just me it would be an easy desicion.

[DiDi]

It's perfectly understandable to be concerned about money coming in. You have an absolute obligation to your child until she is grown. I am not certain where you live - and where you live, the work environment (private sector vs public; union vs "right to work") all make a difference. As  a supervisor/manager interpersonal relations is a big part of what you do, and your effectiveness in that post transition as well as the thickness of you skin also make a difference. As does the lack of a "credential" and demand for your skills that gives you an "in" with employers That's what makes giving you any advice so difficult. I know this isn't really an answer but it does give you more things to ponder. Good Luck in your deliberations. You are lucky to have an understanding wife though. It will make any hardships a bit easier to take.

[Michaela Whimsy]

Thank you Didi.  I guess most of my post was just venting my frustrations, and like you said, hard to give advice for the info I gave.  I guess the root of the question was to see what other people do about job applications and their previous job experience after they transition especially if they would rather not have the new job know of their transition.  I.e. they call your previous employers and they all say yes, HE worked here, yes HE was a good employee.  Or I guess the call would be, did she work for you?  Nope, no one by that name ever worked here. 

[JulieBlair]

Hmmm, I was in your shoes a long time ago, and just stuffed myself into a very small box.  I didn't work of course, I ended up looking up at a failed relationship from the bottom of a bottle.

Gender dysphoria will not be ultimately denied, but you do have choices and you have outlined them with clarity.  Have you considered low dose treatment to ease the discomfort, but make minimal physical changes while you as a family work out a course of action.  I'm glad you have an appointment with a therapist, that will bring perspective to your choices.  Your wife is a remarkable person.  I hope that you appreciate her grace. 

Not really an answer, but a caution to be deliberate, but to follow your heart.

Hugs,
Julie

[Michaela Whimsy]

Thanks Julie!  That's were my mind is,  transition slow, don't dress at work (very few friends there anyway).  And then feel it out from there, minds change and there are way too many variables to have a failsafe plan.  And yes, my S.O. is incredible!  Doing my best to hold on to her.  I tease her that 6 years ago when I was trying to rope her in she was not having it because I was so vanilla Lol!

[JulieBlair]

A good plan.  If you want to or need to send me a note, and I'll give you my contact information.  I'm told that I'm never available by the way.  But it helps to have someone to talk to.

Julie

[Jenna Marie]

I think your wife's support is invaluable here. Have you asked her whether she thinks your family's well-being/support is ALL on your shoulders? I'm guessing from her encouragement to transition that she does not, and you should let the family you're trying to protect have a vote in whether you are to be guilted into being the 100% provider here.

I transitioned on the job, and was lucky enough that my employer was totally supportive. Five years later, I'm actually job-hunting now, but I got my degrees changed to the correct name and my employer is basically my only reference in this career path (I'd switched careers to be there) and they will of course get all my info correct, so it's not a big deal. A background check will turn up my previous name and gender, but most employers in this field don't do that, and the remainder might be OK with it.