What should I do with my relationship with my (non-accepting) parents

[lavini557]

I can't deal with my parents anymore.

After my parents denied my gender dysphoria and refused to let me transition, I have slowly started to hate them. It's not because of anything particular that they do. I just hate interacting with them. Period.

I think that they are great people. They can love people. It's just that their love towards me happens to put me into a living hell that that they will never understand or experience.

I was thinking of maybe opening up to them again - I told them that I would wait until I was 18 just so they could just f***ing shut up about how all the people we went to who say trans is bullsh** or that I should wait until I'm 18 or I'll regret it or something are right, and those who say otherwise are people who don't give a damn f*** about me - and say that I really need to start transition NOW, but...I mean, I've tried to open up to them up to 3 times now, and all those 3 times, they have shut the door on the closet while they draw their own mental picture of their "perfect son" over my closet and pretend that this is who I am - an obedient son who listens to what they say instead of some freak thing they don't want to know about.

I know they care (in their own way) about me. It's just that...I really hate them. So much. I even hate being around them. I hate it even more when they ask me to be around them.

I went on a trip this weekend, actually. It was really fun, and I was temporarily...happy. (I guess that is the right word to use...although I wouldn't say I was completely happy - being treated like a guy was the not-so-fun part ) It was nice...until I got back home. When I saw my parents, the feeling of hatred came back all over again. When I told my parents that I missed them, it was a complete lie. Telling them otherwise would not end well, after all.

I don't know what I should do right now.

If I do actually my parents straight on that I can't deal with this bullsh** anymore, they will kick me out or something like that. They will bash me with whatever stupid thing they find on the internet that they claim they have found, and my dad will shove his stupid stories about his childhood down my throat, wasting an hour or two just to prove absolutely nothing. Last time, after my dad shoved stories down my throat about how he "never felt any love" because his parents died early and he had to live with other people, he threw books down the stairs and kept muttering about how I was a "spoiled brat" who only "thought HE was transgender" because I wasn't spending my time studying and wasting my time thinking "stupid selfish thoughts" when kids in Africa and Haiti are starving.

I'm just so fed up with their bullsh** that I can't even pretend to be happy anymore. I'm not happy at home, at school, or...anywhere, even. My parents think that I don't care about them anymore (OH, I WONDER WHY). I want to live my life. However, my parents won't let me live my life. I don't give a sh** about anything anymore.

[LordKAT]

Hard as it is when you are young, patience is your friend. Getting books to share with your parents, trying to get help from PFLAG, making small but unobtrusive changes are all things you can do without having major battles with your parents. You could ask them to see a therapist, ostensibly for depression. The therapist may be willing to intervene on your behalf, possibly teaching them or meeting in a joint session with them. If nothing else, you will be on your way to more progress when you are little older.

[HoneyStrums]

I Think that if I hadnt tried to do everything i could to be who my dad wanted, I dont think ever would of been able to accept the fact I couldnt.

He saw how upset it was getting me over the years. I never told him why, that too I hid for his benifit. (exsplained that later)
I came out to him at 25, its hard it is, but i honestly think if i started transitioning before I knew for myself i would never be able to be that person, i dont think i could of coped with it.

....patience is your friend. Getting books to share with your parents, trying to get help from PFLAG, making small but unobtrusive changes are all things you can do without having major battles with your parents. You could ask them to see a therapist, ostensibly for depression. The therapist may be willing to intervene on your behalf, possibly teaching them or meeting in a joint session with them. If nothing else, you will be on your way to more progress when you are little older.

This.
It is hard but ther is still things you can do now, without directly comfronting them with the issue. And it will go a long way to show them you are trying, and that it isnt just a whim of passing phase,  or somthing that can be swept under the rug.