Quote from: Confusion on May 12, 2014, 06:41:29 PM
I hate that it's complicated, it shouldn't be, it shouldn't be hard for people to just accept trans folk as we are, but that's not the world we live in.
Confusion, it is complicated. Complicated for others and they seem to be making it complicated for you.
For many non-binaries, this is pretty much the issue, the main one out of many that come up.
Although I don't know, but after reading this thread a couple times, there is something that stands out, at least to me.
You found a comfortable place to be, one that you could deal with.
Which is pretty much all anyone can ask for or strive to be.
Now the situation around you has changed and it's forcing you to feel like you have to choose to change your place in the world.
Your situation has changed and so those around you and society have expectations that just don't fit with your views that you've been comfortable with.
I'm guessing here, but that's kinda what I'm taking from what you've written.
That's a pretty stressed place to be for anyone.
You found the line, so to speak, that you are the most comfortable being at, but now others no longer see that.
You feel like you're being forced to move to one side of it or the other?
If that's what it comes down to, maybe broaden that line a little to better accommodate those people, it is the world we live in, you're right.
It's not the solution, not the best one maybe, but sometimes there isn't a best one, just the one we need to take.
If some things are more important than others, try to keep those as much as you can, but you might have to give a little to do that.
I know that can feel like giving in to others demands, and it is, but to broaden your definition of who you are, might be all you need to do.
Just how you do that, I can't answer that, I don't know enough about you and your situation to give you a direct answer.
You've accomplished a lot it sounds like and were in a comfortable place for some time.
But the situation has changed and you might have to do some give and take.
Give a little on some things, take on others. You do not have to take what you don't want from others.
But instead give a little and then demand the same in return.
Figure out what is the more important things to you, and which are the ones that you are willing to change in the way that you feel is best.
Difficult choices to make, but it sounds like you're going to have to if you want things to run smoothly for you again.
Society doesn't allow for us as much as they could, in some cases not at all.
The choices can come down to an attitude of don't care, screw them, if they don't like it that's their problem.
On the other hand, if you have to or want to avoid the backlash of those decisions, you might have to give in or change what you can.
This doesn't mean you have to do everything to keep everyone happy, just do as little as you need to to be comfortable again.
Maybe rearrange your priorities if you can and then adjust the ones that you are willing to.
It's rarely easy for non-binaries, you never really know who is your friend or foe, society still has some hangups about us.
Much of the time we are spending to much of it sidestepping the obstacles they put in front of us.
Sometimes we have to redefine our goals as our situations change. But that's true for anyone, regardless of gender.
It just really sucks when a persons gender becomes others focus on yourself. It shouldn't be, no matter who you are.
Maybe some of the non-binaries here who lean the way you do and come from a background similar to yours can be of more help.
I'm sure there are a few who have better insight into this than me. Lets forget the therapist stuff and move on with your original comments.
Don't let the thread drift throw you off, it happens here. If you want to just have a place to throw down your thoughts, it's fine.
Sometimes the only answer is to do just that.
Make the comments and look for the answers in yourself and take what you need from others comments and leave the rest of their answers.
It can be difficult to sort through them, to sort through your own answers.
But I think the more you can define them here, the better the answers or suggestions you'll find.
I don't think this thread is over for you. If you want, it's just starting.
Ativan