Acceptance of trans men in the gay male community

[KevinSeven]

If you are FTM and gay, how have you been received in the gay community? I am pre-everything and I am really worried that I will never be accepted there even after hormones and surgery. Sometimes I feel like what is the point of going through all that? I had a bad experience at Pride where I was pointed at and laughed at and it's just really depressing.

[AndrewB]

If you are FTM and gay, how have you been received in the gay community? I am pre-everything and I am really worried that I will never be accepted there even after hormones and surgery. Sometimes I feel like what is the point of going through all that? I had a bad experience at Pride where I was pointed at and laughed at and it's just really depressing.

Sadly the gay community at my school was microscopic at best, and I only just graduated, so my experience with cis gay men is nonexistent, but I think there are more gay/bi/pan men that will be accepting of you than you think, even before you finish transition.

However, I would like to remind you that transition is about finding yourself, whether people agree with that vision or not. The point of transition is not about who accepts you, but how you accept yourself as representative of you, inside and out.

Good luck, and hopefully others have more experience than myself to share.

[Jake25]

I have wondered this before and talked to a few people on this website about it. I think you may not want to date cis gay men, because even though they may accept you they still may not thoroughly understand your life and how you feel about things. That would be my personal preferences if I were you, to be with another transman. You never know, you might find the right cis man.

[Hermosa_Tabby]

There are lots of cool queer people.
Gay males are each unique. Some will be totally cool accepting a FTM, some won't. Lesbians can be similarly biased towards MTFs (maybe moreso as a fair amount I know fear men due to abuse and assume MTFs are still male.) Don't assume that the gay community has your back. Don't assume they won't neither. You stand on your own merits. Don't be a trans. Be a person. Be you. The world will like you more, the more sincere you are with them and yourself. The transition process is typically a rough ride the first bit, then like a parting storm, sunshine comes in and caresses you for the first time. Not everyone who was a friend will stay a friend, but the best people will gravitate toward the real you and you will make BETTER friendships.
At least this is what happened for me.

[Tysilio]

Be a person. Be you. The world will like you more, the more sincere you are with them and yourself. The transition process is typically a rough ride the first bit, then like a parting storm, sunshine comes in and caresses you for the first time. Not everyone who was a friend will stay a friend, but the best people will gravitate toward the real you and you will make BETTER friendships.

This, in spades. This is what's happened for me, and I still can't quite believe it.

The thing about sexuality is that people don't have much control over who (or what) they're attracted to, on a physical level -- so whatever your orientation, there will always be some people who don't care for your plumbing, especially if it's just hook-ups you're after. But when it comes to actual relationships, attraction can be based on a lot more than plumbing... IMO, the best thing is to figure out ways to meet people who share your (out-of-bed) interests and values -- the rest will follow.

[Gothic Dandy]

I know a lot of gay trans men and their acceptance into the gay community is kind of mixed. Some of them think it's absurd, like why would you transition to male if you can live as a straight female and take advantage of hetero privileges? Others are totally ok with it, if you're a guy you're a guy no matter what you were assigned at birth. My friends obviously stick with the guys who are ok with it.

My first therapist was a gay man and he could absolutely not accept that I was anything but a straight cisfemale who was just a bit genderfluid. I sensed some strong resistance coming out of him, as much as he tried to sound accepting.

I'm sorry to hear you had such a terrible experience at Pride! Wow! Those people should be ashamed of themselves. Who points and laughs at somebody past the age of 6?