Has the T-word been used against you? (trigger warning)

[mandonlym]

Hi everyone. I'm working on an article about the controversy regarding RuPaul's use of the T-word and was wondering if people here have had experiences of the word being used against them. That personally hasn't happened to me but I've been called a s**-**le and also referred to as a man online after I disclosed my trans status publicly. I just want to make the point more tangible that the word is actively being used negatively against trans people. I'm only going to talk about anything people say in summary form and if I end up wanting to quote you I'll ask for your permission and preserve your anonymity. If you don't feel comfortable talking about it in public you can also send me a message. Thanks so much.

[LittleEmily24]

To my shocking surprise, this past weekend i met this guy who is originally from California, who happens to know and be friends with at least 2 trans girls... he calls them the T word.... and referred to me as one too... I can't begin to explain the hatred I have for that word merely because of how i've grown up to hear it used only in negative ways.

I would even prefer "T-girl" to the T word, even though i know some people don't like being called that... but all the other words like the T word, the She word, and even the word Ladyboy, all rub me the wrong way, and people seem to have a particular liking to the T word... I don't understand the difficulty with saying Transgirl or Transwoman... or simply "trans".

Another word that for SOME reason people have associated with transwomen, is the word "sissy". The unimaginable loathing I have for being labeled a sissy is beyond any measurable level. Being on tumblr, i follow a few people that post interesting pictures about several different things, and often times they will share a post by another user who specializes in posting pictures of transwomen... and the reblog comments on them are so incredibly disgusting and insulting to transwomen that I can't even believe it. People left and right using the T word and She word and Sissy and being so blatantly and sexually abusive.. and a lot of the times these pictures are not of transwomen in porn (which i have no issue with, its their body) its of regular transwomen posting regular sexy pictures... and people just reblogging them with such offensive comments.

Sorry for the long response, but conclusively, those words (to me) are not only hurtful and spoken in a light of negative connotation, but have also become a sexual label that would seek to identify us as nothing but sexual objects. i know some people don't really care (clearly by the  fact that the guy from cali that I met still uses the word and no one has gone off on him) but to me personally, after living the last 23 years hearing those words being related to a negative view of transpeople, it pierces me in a very bad way.

[Jill F]

Yes.  It does sting a bit.  I have a thick skin from all the abuse I took as a kid, so it didn't really get to me, but wow, what a douche.  Oddly my wife has been called that herself, and she's cis.

[anais]

Never been called that but my best friend she called me a dirty trans once. It really hurt. I don't like any name they have given us even our official one.

[Ltl89]

Yes,  I was called a ->-bleeped-<- before.  As you may know, I have a very difficult time leaving the house wearing what I want to wear and presenting the way I'd like to look.  One day I decided to experiement a bit and give a more feminine appearance a chance outside the house, since I rarely try going out in traditional female clothes at the moment.  I was getting a lot of positive feedback about my passing potential for those I asked, so I thought why not start small and see the response.  It wasn't going bad at first and no one was really paying me much attention.  However, a couple of teenage boys decided to point out my appearance and start laughing amongst themselves.  It wasn't shouted at me or anything, but they were pointing with laughter and saying "that's a ->-bleeped-<-" pretty audibly.  Now granted, I could have been smarter and wore something more definitively female; however, wearing a tight sweatshirt, female jeans and a little makeup with long straight hair really shouldn't have gotten me called out like that.  In any case, despite the fact that no one else said anything or stared at me while I was out (to the best of my knowledge) I ran out of the store and jumped into my car so I could cry in private.  And I sort of lost it when I got home.  Since then, I haven't tried leaving the house wearing any of my more feminine clothes and am terrified about going full time.  Even though that was really a small little incident that shouldn't have hurt me so much, it was a devastating experience for me and I want to prevent that from happening again. It's likely those kids didn't mean to cause so much hurt and upset.  They probably have no idea how much I obsess over my appearance and fear little things like that.  They probably just caught on that I'm trans and it was something funny or different to them.  But pointing it out and calling me a ->-bleeped-<- hurt a lot.    In any case, the real moral of this story is that I have to toughen up and deal with these things or keep improving my appearance so I won't have to. 

Lastly, I should note that the word itself isn't that important to me.  It's just being made fun of or being pointed at for being trans that gets to me.  If someone pointed and said that's a transwoman or transexual, it would have hurt just as much.  I suppose I still carry around some shame for being who I am and want to hide that from other people.  I suppose that's the real sad part of the story if anything.

[Ducks]

->-bleeped-<- always used to mean transvestite, now I am not sure if it still does (RuPaul thinks it does) so I am not sure if someone who is transsexual is called a ->-bleeped-<- does it mean they are being lumped in with transvestite men, or if it is short for any trans*?  I know the cross dressing community has adopted it as a word of pride, kind of like how homosexuals adopted 'gay'.  Should all trans* people be offended then or only non-transvestite trans people?  I was once referred to as a transistor, but I don't feel offended

[Jess42]

I guess this is where I am different. I have been called so many bad names that the T word or The s**m*** word doesn't even bother me. People really are ignorant to what we find offensive because there are not that many of us. What they know is usually from the rather than "less than respectable" websights. I, in no way absolutely do not judge or begrudge those of us girls working in that industry at all. But unfortunately most people get those names from that industry. That tells me that a lot more guys, whether they admit it find us attractive. Yeah some you may call ->-bleeped-<-s in which they themselves are or could be under the same umbrella as LGBT people are, some may be curious but some may find us just as attractive as ciswomen. Some may even crave the femininity we revel in and that some ciswomen try to deny from themselves in a society that discredits femininity but we embrace it. Again this is just me but if someone finds me attractive I am flattered no matter what attracts them and regardless of if they are male or female. As long as they treat me with respect and not just a one night stand, like even ciswomen experience, then I am good with them.

I really tend to cut people a lot of slack though. I myself say things that people find offensive but in such a way that they can't really be offended. But like I said though I am different and have exerienced the seedy or wild or sleazy side of life so maybe I shouldn't have even replied to this post. But again I am just me and thought maybe it might help for some not to feel bad about themsleves.

[Sephirah]

The only person who's ever used that word towards me is my brother. And he would like nothing more than to see me six feet under. It was said with so much venom and hatred that the intent and meaning was clear. And the twisted smile on his face when he said it, repeatedly, meant he knew what effect he wanted it to have. It was wholly negative and meant to hurt.

[Jess42]

The only person who's ever used that word towards me is my brother. And he would like nothing more than to see me six feet under. It was said with so much venom and hatred that the intent and meaning was clear. And the twisted smile on his face when he said it, repeatedly, meant he knew what effect he wanted it to have. It was wholly negative and meant to hurt.

Oh Freakin' Wow. That truly is sad that loved ones can't even accept their own siblings or children. My heart definately goes out to you Sephirah.

[mandonlym]

I'm withholding my thoughts so I don't bias the conversation, but please know that I'm listening and taking what everyone's saying into account. Thanks so much helping me think through this word.

[Alainaluvsu]

By people that I don't mind saying that word. I don't get worked up by that word as much as most... She-male, ladyboy, etc... yeah I'd say don't say it (but I don't hear that word in real life). But the only people that say ->-bleeped-<- are the people that I know aren't being mean, so it doesn't offend me.

[Jess42]

I'm withholding my thoughts so I don't bias the conversation, but please know that I'm listening and taking what everyone's saying into account. Thanks so much helping me think through this word.

I really don't think you would bias the conversation mandonlym but maybe provide how you feel other than your original posting.

[Tori]

I have never been called a ->-bleeped-<- to my face.

When I grew up, ->-bleeped-<- was an abbreviation for Trans-Am, transmission, transvestite and transsexual. Just an abbreviation.

Now, I have been mistaken for someone who just likes to dress in drag, often enough, by friends who are either accepting or trying to be accepting. Usually, they haven't yet seen me. One friend asked what I look like in drag. I said I look like a man. He got the point and apologized.

I have been called, "Sir" or, "He" in the nicest of ways, and, "Woman" in the meanest of ways.

As far as I can tell, "->-bleeped-<-" predates "Transgender" and originated from within the LGBT community. So, I do not think it is rooted in hate.

While the word does bother me, plenty of drag words bother me, calling someone a fish, or fishy? Calling each other bitch all the time? Drag is an art with its roots in inner cities where tough folks with thick skin thrived. I can understand why they are protective of their classic slang.

Not all people who land under the trans* umbrella are as soft, sensitive and feminine as many MTFs tend to be.

[mandonlym]

I really don't think you would bias the conversation mandonlym but maybe provide how you feel other than your original posting.

I'll discuss my feelings maybe at the end and also link to the article when it comes out. I don't want to risk the perception that I'm steering the conversation in the direction I want, since it's a piece for publication so I have to respect journalistic standards and such.

[Jess42]

I'll discuss my feelings maybe at the end and also link to the article when it comes out. I don't want to risk the perception that I'm steering the conversation in the direction I want, since it's a piece for publication so I have to respect journalistic standards and such.

Allright. gottcha. But don't let it die without satisfying my curiosity OK? We all know what curiosity does to the FEline or FEmale.

[LittleEmily24]

I'd also like to add that I dislike the word Trap in the derogatory sense. If the word were referring to someone "trapped" in the wrong body, then I would have no issue with it, but seeing as people refer to us as traps because we look like women and then when you see our genitals, "its a trap."... ugh -_- another term that has been growing momentum as i've seen in my adventures.

[Jess42]

I'd also like to add that I dislike the word Trap in the derogatory sense. If the word were referring to someone "trapped" in the wrong body, then I would have no issue with it, but seeing as people refer to us as traps because we look like women and then when you see our genitals, "its a trap."... ugh -_-

I have never really understood that word either. the word trap is definatley a mystery to me.

[Alainaluvsu]

It's used to refer to a transsexual that is attractive. The context would be "So and so is gorgeous" "Watch out bro, she's a trap"

[Jess42]

It's used to refer to a transsexual that is attractive. The context would be "So and so is gorgeous" "Watch out bro, she's a trap"

OK so now I know. Funny thing is that I have been "trapped" before, F2M and M2F and I never felt actually like it was a trap. Oh well, I wouldn't ever say I was a "trap" but I am definately one helluva catch. Ok so I have dillusions of granduer.

[LittleEmily24]

OK so now I know. Funny thing is that I have been "trapped" before, F2M and M2F and I never felt actually like it was a trap. Oh well, I wouldn't ever say I was a "trap" but I am definately one helluva catch. Ok so I have dillusions of granduer.

Probably because you're informed and more open minded than, say, 75% of society... and thats me being generous.

and i'd say delusions of grandeur are better than delusions of inferiority