Need advice

[Kade1985]

My niece is five. I know kids are more adaptable to change than adults are but I'm not sure how to address this to my niece. How would I get her to call me uncle and by my male name, Kade? What should I say exactly?

[LordKAT]

Directly but with humor.

You changed your name and so now you are an uncle instead of an aunt because you only have 2 legs, not 6.

[Kade1985]

Directly but with humor.

You changed your name and so now you are an uncle instead of an aunt because you only have 2 legs, not 6.

I think I missed the humor in that lol

[FTMDiaries]

You changed your name and so now you are an uncle instead of an aunt because you only have 2 legs, not 6.

(I had to read that back with an American accent to get it).

Can you get her parents involved? They're going to do a lot more talking about you behind-the-scenes than you can do face-to-face, so getting them on your side is a good place to start.

[Kade1985]

(I had to read that back with an American accent to get it).

Can you get her parents involved? They're going to do a lot more talking about you behind-the-scenes than you can do face-to-face, so getting them on your side is a good place to start.

I don't even know. My sister is refusing to even call me Kade and claims, "Katie is your name, and that' what I grew up calling you I can't change it". More like she probably doesn't want to.

[FTMDiaries]

I don't even know. My sister is refusing to even call me Kade and claims, "Katie is your name, and that' what I grew up calling you I can't change it". More like she probably doesn't want to.

Therein lies your problem, I'm afraid. No matter what you say to your niece, your sister is going to insist on having things her way. And as soon as you leave, she may try to rubbish what you've said. Your best bet is to offer a simple explanation in five-year-old language.

So if I were you, I'd take your niece to one side and explain to her that whilst most girls look like girls on the outside and feel like girls on the inside, some people look like girls on the outside but feel like boys on the inside, and that this is perfectly OK. Tell her that people who feel this way sometimes feel that they have to change their outsides to match their insides because it feels horrible to look like a girl but feel like a boy and it isn't possible to change who you know you are. Tell her that just as she knows she's a girl, you know you're a boy and you're just changing the way you look so that everyone can treat you like the boy you are - but that you'll always be 'you' and you'll always love her.

BTW, if your sister is married to her child's father, did she change her surname when she married?  If so, I suggest you couldn't possibly call her 'Mrs. Whatever', because you grew up knowing her by her maiden name and you can't change it... 

[LordKAT]

well, ants have 6 legs, uncles have 2. sigh, I guess if you aren't north american, it may not make sense.

Tell her in simple words. You are a boy but when you were born they thought you were a girl.

[Kade1985]

Therein lies your problem, I'm afraid. No matter what you say to your niece, your sister is going to insist on having things her way. And as soon as you leave, she may try to rubbish what you've said. Your best bet is to offer a simple explanation in five-year-old language.

So if I were you, I'd take your niece to one side and explain to her that whilst most girls look like girls on the outside and feel like girls on the inside, some people look like girls on the outside but feel like boys on the inside, and that this is perfectly OK. Tell her that people who feel this way sometimes feel that they have to change their outsides to match their insides because it feels horrible to look like a girl but feel like a boy and it isn't possible to change who you know you are. Tell her that just as she knows she's a girl, you know you're a boy and you're just changing the way you look so that everyone can treat you like the boy you are - but that you'll always be 'you' and you'll always love her.

BTW, if your sister is married to her child's father, did she change her surname when she married?  If so, I suggest you couldn't possibly call her 'Mrs. Whatever', because you grew up knowing her by her maiden name and you can't change it... 

She was never married, but we were both adopted by our step-father so our last names did change. O_o but we were in grade school when that happened

[Kade1985]

well, ants have 6 legs, uncles have 2. sigh, I guess if you aren't north american, it may not make sense.

Tell her in simple words. You are a boy but when you were born they thought you were a girl.

Oh I'm as far north as North America can be (Like not even half a day's ride from the Canadian's border). But I guess I've never heard that joke before lol

[Edge]

Oh I'm as far north as North America can be (Like not even half a day's ride from the Canadian's border). But I guess I've never heard that joke before lol

North America goes much further north than that unless you're from Alaska. The continent includes Canada, the U.S., and Mexico. Sorry, but that statement bugs me.

As for your niece, there's probably not much you can do without your sister's support.