I'm glad you're getting back on the counseling train. Depression isn't anything to fool around with. Tell you what works for me. Getting pretty, getting aerobic, taking control of my dysphoria by taking positive action. I hate my facial hair - I spent 30 bucks on Amazon and bought a Home Electrolysis Kit. Kept me going until could start with the pros. I was too heavy - I cut out sugar and processed carbs and began to run every day. Dropped forty lbs in six months.
For me if I am doing what I can to find expression for who I truly am, the fact that I'm not finished with yet isn't so mind numbingly awful. I doesn't bother me as much to be androgynous as it used to, and when I look feminine, I feel wonderful.
A very wise friend once told me that I am what I think about. If I think about how far I have to travel on the journey to authenticity, I feel doomed. When I think about how far I've come, and where I will one day be, I can put on some mascara, a little lipy, and proudly go where no T-girl has gone before.
There is no need, and it is self defeating, to run your situation endlessly around your brain. Particularly when you can give expression to your feminine self now. It is fun, and affirming. So eat well, get some exercise and celebrate who you are and who you are becoming.
Hugs,
Julie
