Sexual orientation and self acceptance

[myraey]

I am struggling with my sexual orientation. I think I want to get a boyfriend. I might still be attracted to women too. I am not sure. I don't care about the labels bi pan straight whatever anymore. But for some reason the whole concept of being intimate with males really disgusts me. I am really ashamed about it. I know it is wrong. I am not doing anything wrong and it is my own life. I have been thinking where all the negative thoughts come from. I think it has something to do with my own personal past. I think it has to do with all the walls I had built up and the identity I had. But people can like whatever they want. So much stress and shame about this small part of the whole equation. I have never been in a relationship. But I think I could date a person I can connect with and who is accepting. I am still figuring out all my gender stuff and myself. It has been very hard. I do not know how far I should go in transitioning and getting surgeries done and so on. I know I am not fully comfortable in my current gender but not sure about the rest. Thinking about the future worries me a bit.

[Goldfish]

Hi
Issues around orientation seem quite common. I have never been in a relationship either, but I think that if I really liked someone, I could be in a romantic relationship with them. However most of the people I am attracted to tend to be women, though I do some have some sexual interest in men. Oddly, I've found that I'm pressuring myself into liking men more and I don't think my motives are particularly healthy (could elaborate, but it's a bit long). It's becoming a bit of a mess 

It's not a race though. As you find out more about yourself, as you make progress with transitioning (assuming you do) you should find things becoming a bit clearer. Sometimes you just have to try something to see how you feel.
As for worrying about the future, it's not really worth it. Just take one step at a time. As long as you do that, you'll slowly get where you need to be 

[Kylie]

I understand your worries about where to go with all of the gender stuff, I am right there with you.  What I don't understand is why you think you want a boyfriend if being intimate with a male disgusts you?  I understand feeling wrong about it, but being disgusted by it does not sound like it should be confusing.

Do you have the same disgust when you think about being intimate with a man, but picture yourself as a female in the scenario?  I personally do not find the thought of being with a male as male appealing, but it doesn't disgust me by any means.  However, the thought of being with a male as a female is about the best thing I can think of.  In those terms, I understand, but if the whole thing with men really disgusts you, I wouldn't force it. 

[ErinS]

I understand your worries about where to go with all of the gender stuff, I am right there with you.  What I don't understand is why you think you want a boyfriend if being intimate with a male disgusts you?  I understand feeling wrong about it, but being disgusted by it does not sound like it should be confusing.

Do you have the same disgust when you think about being intimate with a man, but picture yourself as a female in the scenario?  I personally do not find the thought of being with a male as male appealing, but it doesn't disgust me by any means.  However, the thought of being with a male as a female is about the best thing I can think of.  In those terms, I understand, but if the whole thing with men really disgusts you, I wouldn't force it.

I'm kind of the same way as her. I'm pretty sure I'm bi leaning towards girls, but have never explored that side because two guys just seems weird to me for some reason. I just feel like there should be at least one girl involved, and if it's not me it can be the other person LOL.

[myraey]

I am attracted to males. And for some reason I am not ok with that. I feel wrong about it and I am a little bit disgusted by myself for liking males. I know I should not be feel guilty about liking anyone I like , but feelings can be like that. I am trying to overcome this. It is all in my head. Just bad baggage.

I get the thought of not liking being with a male as as male but liking being with a male as a female. I used to think like that now it does not matter that much. But I prefer to be female. And I like guys , no matter my body. Currently I have a lot going on so I am not into relationships but I do want to have a social life in the future.

[Kylie]

I am attracted to males. And for some reason I am not ok with that. I feel wrong about it and I am a little bit disgusted by myself for liking males. I know I should not be feel guilty about liking anyone I like , but feelings can be like that. I am trying to overcome this. It is all in my head. Just bad baggage.

I get the thought of not liking being with a male as as male but liking being with a male as a female. I used to think like that now it does not matter that much. But I prefer to be female. And I like guys , no matter my body. Currently I have a lot going on so I am not into relationships but I do want to have a social life in the future.

K, now I understand ya.  Yeah, society does a number on us leaving us to hate ourselves for just being who we are . We don't even need bashers to make us feel bad about ourselves, we already do the job for them much more effectively.  Wish I had the answers, what has helped me out the most so far has just been being more open about it/talking about it with my counselor, someone from a support group or people on here.  You begin to realize that you aren't so alone, there are plenty of really great people just like you and that it doesn't make you a bad person.  I really hope you find the strength to be yourself and go after everything that makes you happy.

*hugs*

Kylie

[anais]

My sexual orientation is also changing I think and I'm also having a hard time accepting it. I think it's because I grew up in a homophobic environment and I might have picked up a few things. But I guess it's easier than accepting I am trans.

[Zoe Louise Taylor]

I think when I accepted to myself that im transexual, all the barriers around my sexual orientation have gone!

I always thought of being with a man as yucky, but this is because im not a gay man! But since ive started living as a woman ive accepted that I will most likely date guys when i feel confident enough! Its kinda weird, but I think I now see myself as a straight woman