Mom & Dad Names?

[Rawb]

My partner & I have two kids, and more recently I've been trying to get the kids to call me by male pronouns, and not call me "Mom". Because I look to the male side of androgny, and I'm afraid that people are going to take one look at me and think "Hmmm male? Female?" And then my son will yell MOM and people will misgender me as female.

My partner has been really obtuse about this, and finally came clean about an hour ago exactly why- He doesn't like them calling me their father (not Dad, or Daddy or Papa or anything), because he is their father and he feels like it takes away from his being their father. I told him that I understand what he means, and that I'd ask you guys for suggestions, because I have no idea what to do about it. I suggested that the kids just call me 'Rob', but my partner doesn't like that, because it makes me sound like a creepy Uncle, and it sounds disrespectful.

So yeh. Suggestions?

[LordKAT]

What has worked for some is to ask to be called dad but in another language. It sounds like a pet name to most, but you know what it means.

[FTMDiaries]

My kids joked about combining the two and going with 'Mad'.

I quite like 'Pops', but it isn't traditional where I live so it would sound weird. 'Dude' is also pretty fun. Many African languages use 'Baba' or 'Tata'. As His Lordship suggests, why not look up words for 'father' in foreign languages, and see if any of them tickle your fancy?

I just let my kids call me 'Mum', and to heck with anyone who doesn't like it. I've got a baritone voice and a beard; people can think what they like.

[immortal gypsy]

Obviously it has to be what you and your partner feel comfortable with, but I'm one who doesn't believe that calling parents elders by there first name disrespectful.

Personal information.  My siblings went to a primary school where they called there teachers by their first name, at secondary school it was their surname. Even with some of the teachers coming across they where still called the correct name per school policy.  Respect is not in a name but how you are treated by your children. I may of called my father dad but very few couldn't truly see my contempt for him.

In today's society and with giving our children more rope to play with, being called by your first name shouldn't be something strange. I would suggest tho if your name is Robert have your children call you that as longer names can appear more formal. What ever you choose be consistent and stick to the name so you don't cloud the issue

[Bimmer Guy]

My partner & I have two kids, and more recently I've been trying to get the kids to call me by male pronouns, and not call me "Mom". Because I look to the male side of androgny, and I'm afraid that people are going to take one look at me and think "Hmmm male? Female?" And then my son will yell MOM and people will misgender me as female.

My partner has been really obtuse about this, and finally came clean about an hour ago exactly why- He doesn't like them calling me their father (not Dad, or Daddy or Papa or anything), because he is their father and he feels like it takes away from his being their father. I told him that I understand what he means, and that I'd ask you guys for suggestions, because I have no idea what to do about it. I suggested that the kids just call me 'Rob', but my partner doesn't like that, because it makes me sound like a creepy Uncle, and it sounds disrespectful.

So yeh. Suggestions?

I think it depends on the age of the children and what you have explained to them about your transition.  I think it is a big adjustment for children to change from calling their parent "mom" (a female title), to anything else, male or otherwise.

You will be most successful, and it will be easiest for the kids, if both you and the person they call their father (biologcial?), are on the same page.  They will take his lead.  If he is comfortable with it, there is a better chance they will be comfortable with it, and vice versa.

Good luck.  Seems like you are in a tough spot.

[Bombadil]

I can see your partners point on the dad/papa type names but I think your name would be ok. I guess I would hope your partner would be able to compromise. Does your partner have any suggestions?

[Declan.]

Are you undergoing testosterone therapy yet? If you are, I wouldn't really worry much about being called "Mom" once you're no longer androgynous. I know plenty of gay men who go by "Mom" to their kids, and no one has ever misgendered them.

[Hex]

I can see your partner's side of it but then what about if two gay men have children? They both are the fathers. Just different names usually for each. One papa one dad ect ect.

I also have 2 kids and when we switched over my pronouns and switched from Mom to dad it confused the heck out of them because my husband was "daddy" and I was dad but they also call him dad sometimes and it was just a pretty confusing mess for about a week because we couldn't figure out who they were trying to call to.

Eventually I just told them to have them call me by my new name Hex which was REALLY weird at first. Nothing like hearing your name over and over and over every day. But actually that helped me kind of sink my new name into my head and it really helped not to confuse my kids. So now I'm Hex, him, his. And my husband is dad, daddy.

[Rawb]

@immortal gypsy-Actually, it's short for Robin  I don't mind being called by my name, but my partner is the one who thinks it's disrepectful. Because my siblings & I call our dad by his first name and rarely ever call him dad.

@Hex- I'm FtM, and my partner is cis straight male. The only reason we aren't breaking up, is because he loves me. But if I were male when he met, he never would have dated me in the first place.

@Declan- Not yet, but hopefully soon. My biggest concern, is that I'm on the female side of androgyny, and I'm going to be starting college in September, where my classmates will only know me as male.

@christopher- Nope. He has no suggestions. Which is why I'm here  ^.^;

@Brett- My boys are almost-5 and 3. I need my partner to be comfortable with whatever I get the kids to call me, otherwise he won't. He still rolls his eyes when I correct him on using female pronouns.

@LordKat- I'll take a look into pet name sort of things, and dad in other languages    Thank you <3

[Hex]

Rawb, I'm in the same relationship lol. I'm FtM married to a cismale who didn't figure out he was bi until 4 years into our relationship. So if he would of met me like this 10 years ago? We probably never would of hit it off either cause he wouldn't of looked at me.

What I was pointing out was an example of cismale m/m couples who have adopted children. Both are obviously fathers to those kids so what's wrong with having two dads? Nothing. It doesn't devalue either of the parents for being both dad/father/papa ect. It doesn't take away from anyone's role as a "father figure". It just means you are both the children's fathers since that is typically the male parental pronoun to be used and so on.

[Dalex]

I have a daughter myself, and I personally don't mind her calling me mom. Cause well, not matter what, that is what I am to her and I don't think mom, mother, dad or father should be something that is gender-ed, cause in the end what they all are, are parents. But I can see what you mean though how it is viewed over all in public.
I have a friend, and his daughter started to refer to him just by his first name. 

[Arch]

Being a language-lover, I would probably search out the words for "father" and "parent" in other languages until I found one that pleased me. Or I might even invent something.

Is "maker" too weird? It is similar to "mother" and might eventually lend itself to some kind of nickname that smaller children tend to naturally adopt over time. And it's different enough from "father" that your partner shouldn't object.

[Arch]

Another option might be simply "man." It has no parental connotation, though.

[BrotherBen]

I like the Japanese word for father, it's something like "to-san". I also called my dad "daddio" for a while, and I've heard "big momma/poppa" used regionally to distinguish when multiple people played parental-type roles. Or just pick whatever word feels good to you- chief, boss, buddy, whatever. I think German is "pater".

[blink]

Are you undergoing testosterone therapy yet? If you are, I wouldn't really worry much about being called "Mom" once you're no longer androgynous. I know plenty of gay men who go by "Mom" to their kids, and no one has ever misgendered them.

This is an interesting point, I'd never heard of that.

It's strange to me that so many people consider it disrespectful to address a parent by name, especially in this kind of circumstance. It's more respectful to address someone in a way they prefer, than to call them something that makes them uncomfortable.

Names often follow certain familial titles, especially if there's more than one person in the family by that title. E.g. Aunt Lauren, Grandpa Bob. Would something like "Papa Rawb" work?

BrotherBen, according to Google the Japanese word is "otousan", the German is "vater", and "pater" is Latin.

[Mal]

Interesting... "baba" also means grandmother in Ukrainian though so in some regions that substitute might not work.

That's what I was thinking. That's what my niece and nephew call my mom, and that's what her mother was called by my brothers.

[Rawb]

My partner has generally started to be a dick about this stuff, I tried to bring it up and let him know your suggests and he just glared at me and said he didn't want to talk about it right then. A little later, we agreed that I could still be called mom, but he'd at least use male pronouns instead of female ones. But he hasn't used any male pronouns in reference to me yet at all. I don't know if he's just forgetting, or if he's doing it on purpose  >.<;;

[LordKAT]

More likely trying to gear himself up for it. Give him a little time but then remind him about how it makes you feel when he don't.

[Felix]

I don't understand why you being dad would take away from your partner being dad. My kid switched to calling me dad when she was ready, and though I don't interact with or talk about her other dad in front of her if I can help it, the other parent is invariably referred to as "her other dad" by myself and others. I think we would probably do that even if we had a positive relationship and spoke to each other. Having two dads isn't a sign of disrespect to one dad or the other.

Maybe your spouse is dealing with some issues about the kid not having a mom?