Hi!
My name is Melissa, or at least that's what I'd like to be called from now on. I'm still pretty new to this, but I've come to the point in my life where I know I need friends that can support me in what's about to come in my life.
So, a little bit of background so you all know who I am.
I was born male, but even from about the age of four I knew something was different about me. I remember playing with My Little Pony Dolls with my sister instead of the stereotypical boy toys. I remember my grandmother had some 'princess' dresses in a toy chest. We used to play in those every chance we got.
But I was raised catholic and I knew pretty quickly that those innocent child games would not be tolerated once I started school and started interacting with boys and girls from the neighbourhood. So I actively tried to change. I was never really happy, there were happy moments, but never anything permanent. For the most part it was managable, there were some scary times, times when I remember trying to choke myself, only to end up passing out and waking up minutes later.
Years I spent feeling like I just didn't fit in. In highschool I made tremendous efforts to be just another person that people wouldn't really notice, to be just another body in the crowd. Sadly, it worked and I don't really have any memories from highschool. I was never that good at sports, nor did I have much interest in them, but I tired to be as 'boylike' as I could, so upon entering university, I went into the most 'male dominated' line of studies that wasn't sports related. Now I'm about to start my tenth year of university in a field I'm not sure I went into for the right reasons. I've led a pretty stressful life, and there have been a few tolls on my body to show from it.
I first started cluing into what might be different about me when I was in junior high, (don't laugh, I had an active imagination) I remember day-dreaming about being a genetically engineered super-agent that had been raised as a boy to keep things clandestine. Eventually I would be taken to a lab and returned to what I was supposed to be. I used to cut up pillow cases and bed sheets and sew them into clothing that I could wear at night when I was alone. Let's just say that I'll never make it as a fashion designer. Now that I'm older, I buy clothes on ebay. I'm too scared and too new to this go out and shop in person.
But now, I'm really, pro-actively trying to get my life started on the right track. I'm trying to become healthier physically, mentally and emotionally. I'm JUST starting to accept the fact that I think I'm transsexual. I'm going to see the university doctor this week and ask for a referral to a psychiatrist. I don't even know how to do that, can I ask for a specific psychiatrist that I know specializes in GID? Or do I have to discuss my issues with my GP first. If it's the first, I can't say that I'm looking forward to that, I'm going in to get my blood pressure checked, I'm sure my reading will through the roof.
Anyway, perhaps that's enough depressing personal history.
A little bit about who I am.
Well, I'm 27 years old, and I'm still a university student. In my spare time, I love music, and I love to play music. I'm currently learning the violin (not very well though), but I play a few other instruments as well. I love classical music as well as opera (some of you may know where I got my username now ^_^). I also love to bake, which is a bittersweet hobby seeing as I'm trying to loose weight. Oh, and I've started to enjoy running. So you may all hear me complain from time to time about how sore my legs are. ^_^ I'm also I vegetarian, so maybe there are a few others out there that I can related too. ^_^
So, to wrap things up. I've basically come here because I'm scared and confused and I need friends. Friends who know what I'm going through and friends who can I can related to. ^_^
I really really hope to get to know you, and I hope that maybe some of my experiences can help someone else.
Wow, that was longer than I had anticipated.
Love, Mel.
