Worried about T?

[Patch]

Hello everyone - I'm a recently out ftm (known it for about a year) I've been mongering about what exactly I should do next. I've been looking into Testosterone. I'm still figuring out if I want to take testosterone - a lot of it leaning towards yes but I am a very medically squeamish person ( but surprisingly ok with the needles part) but a few questions..

1. Negative effects of T over a long period of time? I have researched a little bit but not heard a lot so I'm asking the community
2. The "micro dick"/clitoris enlargement. I don't know how I feel about that it's a dick but not a dick and I guess that's what it boils down to? I just worried about this part with relationships and sensitivity?
3. While yes I wanna be a guy, I want to look like a guy, I want my voice to be lower, etc etc. I'm worried about going over my head and making a mistake or something. This is a big decision and I've talked to other people in the group that are like "yea hormones i want them now" and I'm like ? big step I want but scared of side effects.

I don't know maybe experiences or help a poor kid along whose worried and doesn't have many people to talk to about this?

[LordKAT]

If you haven't yet, you should talk to a therapist about your worries. I'm not sure which "side effects" you want to avoid. I only have one which needed to be watched a bit but was to be expected. That was a almost to large increase in red blood cells.

[timbuck2]

I see it this way: There are negative effects with everything. Without testosterone you'll never see the changes you want to see, assuming you really do want things like body hair/facial hair/deeper voice etc. associated with being a man. You can talk to a doctor or therapist about it and make the decision from there because the only way you'll really be able to go through with it (if you want to) is if you get all your concerns out there and try to solve them.

[Kreuzfidel]

I second the others.

I would never recommend irreversible medical interventions such as initiating hormone treatment or surgery as a means of self-exploration.  I would suggest that you seek out a therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist or even a GP to discuss these things with.  "T" isn't just a fad drug that's going to give you only the effects you want (which I think you already know), so you really need to be sure that you are willing to take the good with the bad and live with the consequences of your decisions.

Regarding your questions:

1. Negative effects of T over a long period of time? I have researched a little bit but not heard a lot so I'm asking the community

Well, what do you regard to be "negative effects"?  Some guys think that "too much body hair" or "going bald" are "negative effects".  As for potential negative health effects, yes there can be (again...the word "potential" comes into play as there are few, if any, studies on the long-term effects of T on trans* men).  Things like higher "bad" cholesterol, a greater chance of heart disease, abdominal obesity, and a condition known as polycythemia are all possibilities - but they aren't guaranteed.  A healthcare professional can inform you about these risks in greater detail.

2. The "micro dick"/clitoris enlargement. I don't know how I feel about that it's a dick but not a dick and I guess that's what it boils down to? I just worried about this part with relationships and sensitivity?

This isn't a question really for us - it's a question for yourself.  In regards to sensitivity, the overwhelming majority of guys will find that sensitivity increases with enlargement - mostly due to the fact that the head is actually rubbing against your clothing.  In regards to "relationships", I don't know what you mean by that as it's a rather vague statement and has more to do with the individual person and how they process their dysphoria.

3. While yes I wanna be a guy, I want to look like a guy, I want my voice to be lower, etc etc. I'm worried about going over my head and making a mistake or something.

Well, your'e doing the right thing in asking questions - that's for sure.  It's not a flippant decision that should ever be made on a whim.  The reality is that, if you choose to start T, you may not get any of the changes you desire - you may even look more like Danny Devito than Ashton Kutcher.  It happens - I have known of guys who have started T and then regretted it once they realised they weren't going to be magically transformed into the image they had of themselves in their minds.  But - again, you need to talk about these things with a professional.  There's only so much that anecdotal accounts can do for you.

[Tysilio]

The reality is that, if you choose to start T, you may not get any of the changes you desire - you may even look more like Danny Devito than Ashton Kutcher.  It happens - I have known of guys who have started T and then regretted it once they realised they weren't going to be magically transformed into the image they had of themselves in their minds.

I'm reminded of the joke about the guy who needs surgery for a broken hand, and asks the surgeon, "Doctor, will I be able to play the violin after this?"
Surgeon: "Yes... yes, I think you'll be able to."
Patient: "That's great! I never could before!"

As a kid, I wanted to grow up to be Clint Eastwood (much younger than he is now, of course -- think "Rawhide" or spaghetti westerns here). I wish that T would make me look even like much older Clint; heck, I'd settle for Sean Connery. But it ain't gonna happen -- I don't have the bone structure for it. With luck I'm gonna look like any old balding geezer, and I'm fine with that, given the alternative...

[aleon515]

There are true long term bad effects, most of these have to do with the difference of having a female body and  adding the mass. (I've met guys who have been on T for 20 years, this is the kind of time frame we are talking about. It is possible at that point to stop T or go way way down in dose without issues. Most of these like thickening of the neck are anecdotal only.) Most of the effects are not really bad effects, they are typical of the affects of T on the body causing masculinizing-- like balding, etc.

There are things like higher cholesterol and so on as well, which males have a higher risk for than females.


--Jay

[Patch]

Oh my I've been gone a month I need to at least reply on my status.

I'd like to thank everyone for these replies. These have actually been a lot of help - prompted me to go see a therapist. I've been talking to a therapist once a week and they've really helped a lot. I'm glad to say I'm a lot less worried about taking testosterone/feel a lot better about it. Talked to the doctor about and they told me a lot of stuff. Specifically about those questions and I really do feel a lot better about taking t/clitoris enlargement. Heck I actually really want it to happen. And my partner and I have talked about all the medical transition stuff and they said they don't give a damn so yay.

As for taking testosterone I just now hope I don't end up looking like Danny Devito. I'm too young to deal with all of the It's Always Sunny jokes.

If anything I feel bad because a lot of the people in my "group" had actually given me some incorrect information. Yes I'm one of those people from tumblr who got sucked into quite the group but have since left. I'm actually surprised how quickly they are subtly pressuring people into medical transition. It's rather unsettling.

But thank you everyone for replying this has helped me a lot. I hope to talk to the community more .u.

[aleon515]

I would watch who on Tumblr you get your info from. There are a few excellent Tumblr sites but it is kind of the armpit of the internet.   (or perhaps something else less nice.) Many people there do NOT know what they are talking about. In the case of susan's, others will correct misconceptions and I believe people learn here.

--Jay