Kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place

[ssneha23]

Hey Everyone,

I have been on my wonderful journey to become my true self for over a year now. But, unfortunately life circumstances (read... my need for my current job to get financially stable) are forcing me to kind of pause my transition for a while. My therapist (who i really really like trust) says that I need to first get my life straight before I continue on my transition. So, over the last month, I have worked with my endo to reduce my dosages and have kind of gone back into my ultra-hideous male mode.

I agreed to make this change for a while thinking that I would strong enough to handle it. I was like its been ages since I felt disphoric and so I thought to myself that I had all the strength I needed to see this "male" phase through. BUT, I could not have gone more wrong. My GID is so clawing back with vengeance.

On one hand, I need the job to help me save enough cash for FFS and SRS. But, on the other, I am not sure I can survive living a lie to earn that cash. My therapist has left it up to me to decide - I am so not sure which way to go...


Please, please, please could you help this girl find her way ...

[Jayne]

I spent my first 6 months on a very, very low dose of E, it helped my dysphoria massively but had very little physical effect allowing me to present however I needed to depending on circumstances (The closest I get to presenting as male is my androgynous Iron Maiden t-shirt & hands in pockets to hide nail varnish)

Would it be possible for you to go onto a very low dose of E to deal with your dysphoria & slow down the transition to buy you time to find employment?
I think this may be worth discussing with your therapist as you're unlikely to get your life straight whilst battling the dysphoria so a balance needs to be sought.