girls I understand but guys were always kinda strange to me

[Larisa]

I yes feel separated from guys to this day some still although during my childhood I was extremely separated from guys for I didnt think the same fully like them. For example, all the guys in 2nd grade you know wouldnt of wanted to hang out at their older sisters slumber party. For one, I was interested in girls very early on like I mean 1st grade or so and I wanted to hang out and do girl stuff. So guys always felt odd having one as my friend and I did talk to guys and try to form friendships with guys and usually only a few of them I had somewhat success with but many often turned on me. It wasnt till after high school did I finally start to be able to talk and form friendships with guys and didnt feel so foreign to them but I still do to an extent. There are girls I feel uncomfortable around but it's typical like our personalties are not connecting well with each other but it's not like guys where it's a different factor that some would call not normal. I always felt a bit like why I can't I understand guys as well as I do with girls when my brain is a girl/boy brain even if I am a shy reserved person. I still tried to understand guys and if you met me, I seem like a typical guy mostly and back then to even though I had this girl in me to so some people were like wondering what is wrong with me since nobody knew about the girl in my head. I am yes kinda socially akward and for I have a guy appearance to me, you get called names. I did get called alot of names and throughout school, the most common one I was called was that I was a ->-bleeped-<- like on the bus Id get called a ->-bleeped-<- which makes me guess those kids could tell I had a girl side or whatever. Those kids who were yes boys would taunt me maybe thinking Im guessing for me to be a tough guy and beat them which when one kid did trash my sister constantly, I beat the kid like hardcore and was told I did the right thing by the bus driver and principal but was kicked off the bus still but all that did was alienate me from guys my age at that time.

This was a long paragraph but I hope this makes sense. It's only been in the last 8 or 9 years Ive been able to connect with guys to where I have some good friends who are guys and have an even bigger understanding of the Larisa in me. I actaully feel luckier for there are millions of guys who would kill to understand girls like I do and I know that sounds arrogant but it's not meant to. It's the old what do women want phrase. Guys struggle to understand which I always thought was strange but now I get it and Im sure if those guys that like picked on me back then could have that, they would be grateful. I hope this all makes sense.

[LorisA]

For some people, highschool is an amazing, accepting place to let people grow, and sometimes is just stifles the growth of people. Of course, these are usually the people are they consider different.
I never had the feeling of being male at a young age, that seemed to come around more at the time of puberty.
However, I do know how it feels to relate to people of the opposite gender more than those of the same gender. When I was in elementary school, I only spent time with boys. It wasn't until about grade nine that I got closer to any sort of females that I would trust. It's funny, though, because I still found it easier to be friend with males just because of the way they are.
I was called a dyke a lot in school. When I did make my female friends, I was accused of being lesbian with them, so that wasn't very fun. I don't know if they were intimidated about our ability to show our affection for one another anywhere, or if they really knew that I was, at least in part, attracted to women. I got into a lot of physical fights because of the bullying in my school.
It seems to me, though, that when you become an adult and you can get away from the 20 or 30 so specific students in one class and really meet people, you can find people to accept you for who you are.
I'm still young, of course. There is only one people who knows about Jude, and that's my boyfriend. A lot of people know I'm gender queer but have yet to knowingly meet Jude.