Told I'm not ready

[foreversarah]

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. Anyway...

I've been going to see my therapist once a month as usual. They've all been a bit slow because I'm useless at talking about my gender issues. But they all do come out eventually. Though the last one felt a bit like a knife in my stomach being twisted.

It turns out that the doctor associated with my therapist is retiring, plus the idiots who run the NHS (overall I think it's the medical outfit in the world) decided to take away funding. So to continue seeing the therapist I would have to go privately. This issue is being looked into but it looks like I am going to start from square one (which means 7 months has been wasted).

I have also been going to a youth trans support group which is going fantastically well for me. It's great to speak to people like me in person and it also confirms to me who I am.

This group is looking into the issue of lack of funding and are looking tk sort out a clinic (hopefully).

Finally, back to my therapist, what really drive me mad was her saying that I'm not ready. When, really, I'm as ready as I could ever be. I've finished my education so I'm away from my peers and I don't have any exams or studies to worry about, the core of my family knows about me and I'm away from any pressure to be the male (fake) me.

It's just so frustrating!

[Jessica Merriman]

Finally, back to my therapist, what really drive me mad was her saying that I'm not ready.

Not ready for transition or HRT? 

I wondered where you were, nice to have you back!

[Ltl89]

I'm sorry you are facing so many roadblocks.  Since I'm an uninformed American, I don't have much feedback on the NHS.

Just wondering, did she give you a reason that she didn't feel you were ready?  And if you have to go privately, do you think you could start over with another therapist that you feel more comfortable with?

[Ms Grace]

You mentioned you are having trouble talking about your gender issues - could this be the reason she believes you are not ready? I find that with a lot of therapists and counsellors and shrinks that they will pick up on small things you say and attribute a particular interpretation to them.

[Rachel]

Transition is emotionally a very difficult time.

Being able to open up and express what is on the inside and what hurts and how it feels is really the only way a therapist can know what is going on.

[PoeticHeart]

Weird post heading your way.

I think the essence of being human is having 'issues'. We are emotional beings and that is how we operate in the world. We have this constructed idea of logic, but logic itself is still just an emotion. So, for someone (particularly a therapist) to say you aren't ready for transition (I assume) would be akin in my mind to saying you're not ready to be human. As you go through transition, of course there is going to be a lot of stuff come up in the process. I don't think that should be a stumbling block; I think it should be a declaration of your humanity.

And I would have words for your therapist, if it was me.

Or maybe I'm just an angry trans person, I don't know.

[foreversarah]

Sorry I haven't replied to this thread in a while. The last couple of weeks have been super busy with seeing friends having to cover for two people at work!

I think my therapist said not ready for transition.

In my opinion there's never a perfect time to transition for anybody. Everybody is going to have their stumbling blocks. But I know I'm ready. I'm 1,000,000% sure this is what I need to do and now is a best time I'm ever going to have to start transition.

I have also looked at a couple of private gender clinics in London but I'm not sure which one is the best to go to. I would be grateful for any help from UK folks. Going private isn't, hopefully, going to be an issue for me. My parents are fairly supportive and if I have to pay out my own pocket that's fine with me. It's too important to me. I am lucky enough to have a decent chunk of savings that has been left untouched all my life to use.

[foreversarah]

Please.

[FTMDiaries]

Well, I have gone the NHS route myself... but I was waiting so long for CHX to get their act together that I strongly considered going to Dr Lorimer privately. I contacted Dr Lorimer's office and found everyone (including Dr Lorimer himself) extremely helpful. But I then found an alternate route to make my NHS wait much shorter, and I'm successfully transitioning on the NHS.

Dr Lorimer and Dr Curtis both have a lot of satisfied patients who would recommend them, so if you want to go & see one of them, why not give them a ring or send them an email? You could then choose which one you'd like to see based on what you think of their responses (because in all honesty they both do good work, so your choice could simply come down to personality).

You're also entitled to start your transition with one of these private clinics, and then move over to the NHS when you get an appointment there.

And Sarah? If you know you're ready, you're ready.

[foreversarah]

Thanks. Really helpful. I'll google both of them to try and find their numbers and email.

[Christine Eryn]

On my journey, I fully expected my therapists or doctors or someone along the way to say "why bother" or "you're not ready" but no one ever did. Hopefully you can push on and get started on your own journey.