more progress. More thoughts on coming out.

[jaybutterfly]

Im solid that my gender isnt male, but I feel just altering my gender expression to a more feminine manner actually makes it a lot easier to deal with (girl haircuts, softening my voice, cross dressing, removing my body hair etc), to the point I feel now that SRS and hormones may not be even necessary, since its making my life feel much less of a burden. Having friends who say they don't think any differently of me now has been a MASSIVE help as well.

Since things are taking a turn for the better, I've been going over my older ideas of talking to my mother. Out of my family, I trust her more than the other members not to completely flip out if I tell her, so I'm trying to think on how I can tell her. I am still going to counselling to help me, since there is some things I find my gender issues do cause me trouble with (making any new friends, dating etc) but I feel Im getting a bit more confident now.

One thing I considered, since Im not that good at talking about issues that are personal to me in person, I considered using references like books or websites where its clear. I considered Gender Spectrum, my question is, do you think this is simple enough for someone whose not up on trans issues at all for a starting point? It seems in order by the fact it actually has definition references. I'm not throwing anyone into complex stuff, just a basic start would help.

Some feedback on my idea would be helpful, like any books or resources anyone else considered to educate someone? I'd really appreciate it. The link Im considering is below, and it seems accurate enough to start someone off I think.

https://www.genderspectrum.org/understanding-gender

[Rachel]

I think it is a good idea. However, her first question may be why are you giving me this?

Perhaps the "I have a fiend" who is dealing with this and I do not fully understand all of it, can you help me understand it?

Then, the next logical question is, what to you need help with understanding?


Hope this helps, hugs.

[helen2010]

jaybutterfly

I think that provided you come out with a message that captures who you are, and where you are, to those most likely to be supportive, first, then I think you are on the right path.  Be clear as to what outcome you are seeking - it is to raise the issue of gd; the possibility that you are tg; that you realise that you are tg; etc.   If you are going to communicate that you identify as non binary or identify as mtf then you should work through your key messages.  Having come out to a few friends who are supportive should give you confidence that your message is clear.  Your therapist and feedback from your friends should also help you find the right approach for discussing this with your mother.  I think that sharing a primer on gender will be very helpful as it means that she will have time to digest this information which may be quite new to her and show that you are working through these issues carefully and with help.

Perhaps some of the younger forum members will have advice to share as many approaches have been tried to initiate the first conversation with a parent and parents differ in their knowledge, love, conservatism, fears, reaction to 'surprises'  and beliefs.

Safe travels

Aisla