I need some love help

[Jess42]

Yeah, I'm just not sure how to get a girl to like you, other than befriending them. (all I have done with girls is befriending them, lol)
I thought about making a painting or drawing for her (when it comes to that point), as I am rather creative, and she is too, so I am sure she'll appreciate a handmade gift more than something from a store.
But yeah, I think you guys are right about waiting with such things, I'll first just have to get a bit closer to her (friend-wise, but not in an 'exclusive' way that signals "I don't feel anything for you beyond friendship")

She is visiting next friday, I'll sure to keep you guys posted!

Depends. It is not really hard to get a girl to like you. Long stemmed red roses always work on me. Do you think she may like you in a romantic way? If so romancing is always a winner. Nice restaraunt, candle light, extreme attention paid to her, compliments and long stememmed red roses. The kicker is a sort of tenderness and attention that I am the only person in your world regardless of all the other stuff I mentioned.

[Erik Ezrin]

Okay, after friday, I am like 99% certain she DOES like me in a romantic way. Just in the whole way she spoke and acted and looked at me... even the love dork like me could see it, so then it's glaringly obvious.
Things like, standing extra close to me, holding my hands (yes, she did), complimenting a lot of things about me, looking at me with a 'dreamy' expression and saying she liked my voice, my face, etc. (doh, I disagree... I wish I would see what she saw), wanting to be around me all the time, etc. etc.
I am pretty sure that for this whole thing to kick off, all I have to do is give her a clear sign in return myself... but... dang... I am a bit scared actually. I don't know ->-bleeped-<- about love, it makes me feel very awkward, and I do not easily fall in love either (I am demisexual, so I first need to establish a strong emotional bond AKA friendship). Also because she is so shy and agrees with everything I say, I am sometimes afraid I unknowingly do something she doesn't like, and besides that... I also like to get some counter argument sometimes, someone who speaks up, yknow.
But on the other end... she is the sweetest girl I can imagine, and totally 100% accepting of me as a guy even though I am PRE EVERYTHING. She is creative and musical (which is incredibly sexy IMO) and loves a lot of things I do too.
I just find it very hard, one end I am in love with her, one end I am not. She also has a lot less life experience than I do, and she feels so... young... and vulnerable still. Even though the age difference is not so big, it feels like I am an adult loving a child.
But then again, I could help her grow, I could show her beautiful things in the world, I could help her gain self-worth and courage, because on the inside she is very beautiful, clever, caring... she just doesn't see that herself yet. Together we could grow into bigger people than we were before...

[Bimmer Guy]

Okay, after friday, I am like 99% certain she DOES like me in a romantic way. Just in the whole way she spoke and acted and looked at me... even the love dork like me could see it, so then it's glaringly obvious.
Things like, standing extra close to me, holding my hands (yes, she did), complimenting a lot of things about me, looking at me with a 'dreamy' expression and saying she liked my voice, my face, etc. (doh, I disagree... I wish I would see what she saw), wanting to be around me all the time, etc. etc.
I am pretty sure that for this whole thing to kick off, all I have to do is give her a clear sign in return myself... but... dang... I am a bit scared actually. I don't know ->-bleeped-<- about love, it makes me feel very awkward, and I do not easily fall in love either (I am demisexual, so I first need to establish a strong emotional bond AKA friendship). Also because she is so shy and agrees with everything I say, I am sometimes afraid I unknowingly do something she doesn't like, and besides that... I also like to get some counter argument sometimes, someone who speaks up, yknow.
But on the other end... she is the sweetest girl I can imagine, and totally 100% accepting of me as a guy even though I am PRE EVERYTHING. She is creative and musical (which is incredibly sexy IMO) and loves a lot of things I do too.
I just find it very hard, one end I am in love with her, one end I am not. She also has a lot less life experience than I do, and she feels so... young... and vulnerable still. Even though the age difference is not so big, it feels like I am an adult loving a child.
But then again, I could help her grow, I could show her beautiful things in the world, I could help her gain self-worth and courage, because on the inside she is very beautiful, clever, caring... she just doesn't see that herself yet. Together we could grow into bigger people than we were before...

First of all, yay!, that she likes you!

I think you are thinking too much about this.  Dating her does not mean you are committing to life!  Dating is about finding out if you like someone.  You don't need to decide if she is a "fit" for you prior to dating.  I say, if you have any romantic interest, at all, go for it.  Just see what happens.  You may find out you like her even more than you think you do!

It almost seems like there is a part of you that is looking for something that "doesn't fit"?  Is it possible your anxiety about getting into a romantic relationship is what is fueling this?

Regardless of what you do, glad to hear things went well!

[rexyrex]

That good news. I'm sure she will open up once she gain more confident around you and speak up.

[invisiblemonsters]

you're over thinking it too much. honestly it's suppose to be fun and light and getting to know each other, etc. people date others with age gaps, it usually doesn't cause issues unless you let it or it is a BIG age gap where you're in two completely different places in life. as for showing her how you feel, just hold her hand, hug her, sit closer to her, tell her she's cute when she laughs or cute in general or playfully tease her. she's interested in you so you basically have the go ahead but if you don't make a move or anything, she's gonna back off. it is great when someone likes you pre everything, it means they like you and respect you for you, etc. and that alone should give you confidence!!

[FalseHybridPrincess]

it seems that she loves you too...

nevertheless
here is my advise
tell her whenever you get a good chance, you wont regret it...

dont overthink it ,just do what your heart tells you

[HumanBeing]

Best advice I can give is don't over complicate anything. Don't even think. Let it happen man! Good luck

[Erik Ezrin]

Okay, thanks guys, you could very well be right about that. I guess that I just have a way too idealistic/perfect image of love and relationships, and nothing real fits to that mould. I should either just be open, and adjust my values a bit, or be the everlasting single.
I think you guys are right, I should not worry so much and just take it easy. Whatever happens, she is not my future wife or something (Or at least doesn't have to be), and we wouldn't have to be bonded for life in an instant.
Thanks

[Jess42]

Okay, thanks guys, you could very well be right about that. I guess that I just have a way too idealistic/perfect image of love and relationships, and nothing real fits to that mould. I should either just be open, and adjust my values a bit, or be the everlasting single.
I think you guys are right, I should not worry so much and just take it easy. Whatever happens, she is not my future wife or something (Or at least doesn't have to be), and we wouldn't have to be bonded for life in an instant.
Thanks

Erik, I really hate to tell you this but no one or no relationship is perfect or ever will be because people are not perfect. Get those Idealistic Perfect images out of your head and just focus on realistic possibillities. Have fun and don't focus too much on the future because if the "L" word comes too fast for either one of you it may scare one of you away.

[Erik Ezrin]

Yeah, thanks, I realize that too (as I said right after ). I KNOW it is, but I am a crazy romantic on the inside, lol. Well, just have to get over it then

[Klaus]

I'm marrying a man I've known since I was twelve, so I'm not the best person to offer this advice, but...  I agree with the advice to just enjoy things for what they are now and be open to wherever it leads. Whether she's the one or one of many, you each bring something to the table that will grow the other person. Once you find someone who accepts and recognizes you for who you are, that's 90% of the battle right there.

And there is nothing wrong with being a crazy romantic as long as it's balanced with a bit of realism when necessary.  Best of luck with what sounds like it could be a great new chapter in your life.

[Jason C]

Hey Erik, she sounds wonderful don't worry too much about things at the moment. Just enjoy her company, continue getting to know her, and see what happens. If she's got less life experience than you, she'll catch up as time goes on, depending on what it is.

Also, people have already given you advice about sex stuff, and it's still too early, but I'm going to type it now anyway. COMMUNICATION. Most important thing. Talk about it before you do it. Some people can do the spontaneous sex thing, but if your dysphoria might be bad and you don't know what might set it off, talking about it openly beforehand is very important. It might be a bit awkward at first, but it's better than feeling bad down the line. She sounds like she'd be completely understanding and receptive to your feelings, though, so if it does get to that stage, I think you'd be just fine.

[Erik Ezrin]

Thanks guys. I saw her again this weekend. I am a 100% certain she likes me in a love kind of way now... at one point she wanted to tell me... but I was scared, didn't feel ready enough. It overwhelmed me in a sudden... how touchy and clingy she got, and I just needed some space. But I explained to her, and I think she understands and at least knows this wasn't a refusal of her. In fact, I told her I knew she loved me (it was THAT obvious, I could say that without a risk), and I felt like that too, but just needed some space for a sec.
She leaned into me though, and I threw my arm around her and it was totally obvious she liked it.

I wouldn't say... less life experience, that was bad wording of me, in fact she had quite a troubled past... but she is still in high school, and in that sense still 'young'. But in a few years she will also leave high school and such, so that's no big deal.

I think you guys are right that it's mainly my own fear of relationships and love and such. I just hid away this part of myself for a long time, and it is scary to open up. For a long time I just thought I was asexual and was okay with that, though when I opened up about being trans, I slowly came to realize I am not asexual, but have a very repressed sexuality. This girl is opening me up, but not as quick as she'd want to. Some mutual friends told me she was head over heels in love with me the first time we met already... while I at that time wasn't even thinking about love and relationships and stuff, and just saw a nice and beautiful girl that would be a good friend. To me it's a miracle someone can fall in love with ME, and also at the FIRST time we met. Wow...!

When I am with her my anxieties get through the surface a lot, and I think 'screw relationships, maybe I should just stay single forever', but when she is away again... I miss her. And I want to hold my arm around her and all that stuff. Lol, I must be weird XD