Quote from: eClare on June 06, 2014, 08:34:29 PM
I have only begun considering transitioning and have not lost or gained anything yet. My family and friends do not know about my dysphoria -- only my therapist whom I have seen only twice. One of the reasons for my question is to determine whether I am being naive about the future. I anticipate I might loose both a marriage and career which are two aspects of my life I have worked hard to build. But recently, the dysphoria has become overwhelming so that I have become depressed and can think of little else. Thanks for asking. 
eClare, When one gets a little older, while they have less time for the future, they are fortunate to have a lot to look back on and reflect about. One think I would ask is, "Will I be sorry for the path I'm choosing?" None of us should live with regret, but none of us should take a path that is far less fabulous than the one we could have taken, either.
When I lay really sick, two years ago, I asked myself, "What are the things that most mattered in life to me when I was very, very young?" It took less than a minute, even looking that far back, to come up with the answers: 1) I didn't want to be a boy - I wanted to be a girl,
desperately, and 2) I wanted to write music. Just those two things. So, I hatched a plan to accomplish what I'd wanted in life so many years ago. Before I knew it, I had four pianos. And, well, the other thing is in the process of making history. If I had made that decision when I should have, I can tell you that my life would have been about a millions times better.
It's worth saying that over the years I came to acceptance of what I was born with, and I know that if I had a suitable male brain and male body I could live and have a happy life as a male, because I like my own company, accepted what I had, and truly like women that like men. But I get it that my brain doesn't quite work like other guys. In fact, it's quite different, so although I easily fit in, it will always be a struggle to play the same game they play. On the other hand, super-charging it with E will hopefully allow my brain mature to where it should have been a long time ago, and I will find a way of dealing with some very difficult problems in a new way (which I feel I already am).
And one more thing - although I'm not sure if when the time comes that I'll genuinely like women who like women, or if I'll have any regrets over what might have been had I not made this decision, I'm doing the best that I can at making lemonade with those lemons. I appreciated the thoughts that were presented by others in this community on this subject. They are those who have been there, done that, so their advice will be experientially better than mine. BTW, I very much like your name.
