How to Come Out (Again?)

[greenbean]

Or at least talk about it with close friends and family? I've already come out as gay, but I don't know if I am gay, trans, or androgyne? I get really upset and sick to my stomach when I think about it and cried yesterday about it. I'm very concerned. I really feel like I need to talk about it with people out in the real world close to me, rather than just here. I've never really given it much thought about how I identify myself. I've remembered struggling about when I was younger, but I pretty much think of myself as a boy. It's really hard to think of myself as something else now. I almost told one of my friends today about it, as they themself have gone through similar struggles and identifies as agender. All I do is clam up and my mouth snaps shut. I "came out" last time through facebook when I changed my relationship status but that didn't end well for me, and I never meant to come out that way but that's how it happened.

How did you guys come out? Any words of wisdom to help? Anything would really be appreciated.

[LordKAT]

I can't really help. I don't want to talk about it with others. I 'came out' (hate that wording) when the newspaper printed my name change. I haven't changed who I am, saw no reason to try and make people think I am a totally different thing. I'm not.

[helen2010]

Some may change their gender on Facebook, others may send an email, and some may choose not to tell anybody.  For me it has happened in a succession of one on one or small group conversations when I felt compelled to do so.  In each case I felt that I was being inauthentic in not sharing or revealing a fundamental element of who I am.  I was tired of acting and portraying a person who I no longer understood myself to be.

Aisla

[androgynouspainter26]

Greenbean,

It's fantastic that you're almost ready for this next step-it's a hard journey you're standing at the precipice of, but oftentimes it can be a very rewarding one!

  Now down to business...I don't know what sort of climate you're living in, and considering that before coming out might be a good idea-is your family progressive?  How did they react to the news that you were gay?  What about your friends?  It's important to consider this before you come out-some parents might be able to help you work through your gender issues.  Others might respond well if you approach the issue from a more scientific and rational perspective, after you've figured it all out on your own.  Some might not take the news well at all, but come around given some time.  It's important to consider what sort of reaction you expect-sometimes, it might be best to wait.

It also seems like you're still figuring out exactly who you are-and that's a wonderful thing.  However, it might be useful for you to do a little bit more soul-searching to really discover who you are before making it official.  One thing that really helped me work through things before turning to my family was therapy-it's not always easy to find a therapist who has experience with trans* issues, but having someone to talk might help you deal with the struggle you're going through right now.  Transitioning is a huge decision, and it's never a good idea to commit to a decision like this without seeing a professional, at least in my opinion-it helped me more than I can possibly say!

My last piece of advice?  If you're worried that someone won't be accepting, be as calm and rational as possible.  Oftentimes, parents will think that this is just some sort of phase (mine did), and write it off as that.  If you are able to stay calm, collected, but remain forceful, they'll take you more seriously.  I made the mistake of coming out to my mother too soon-I told her I was transgender, and when she asked what that meant, I froze up and started to cry...that's exactly what not to do!  For someone as important as family and close friends (unless you're sure that you can share your struggle with them), it's best to make a definitive statement-not raise a question-"I am transgender"-not "I might be transgender". 

Anyhow, that's my advice...I hope all goes well. 
Best Wishes,
~Sasha~