No Sympathy

[Tori]

What are the things people (cis mostly) fail to feel sympathy about when you talk to them about your transition?

Here is one.

Nobody seems to sympathize when I talk about wanting weaker, softer arms.

[Jill F]

Most cisguys cringe when I tell them I'm getting rid of the guy junk.   They just can't seem to wrap their heads around that one.

[ganjina]

For me, it's the stress and sadness caused by the dysphoria, seems like for most people it's some kind of OKish situation and you should just "ride along", no biggie at all.

Most cisguys cringe when I tell them I'm getting rid of the guy junk.   They just can't seem to wrap their heads around that one.

Hah, +1. I don't get over the top comments, but more like, really :O REALLLY? NO!! WHY??

Nobody seems to sympathize when I talk about wanting weaker, softer arms.

The girls I've talked with about do sympathize with that. Like, it's a very natural thing for them. Though many have told me if I still wanted muscular arms, that would be ok too because there are strong girls too and that's perfectly fine and respectable for any kind of girl. Some guys go like, what, really?? As if I was betraying them or offending them? And I think, really?? LOL?

[Beverly]

Cellulite. Women laugh when I say I have some cellulite and some "thigh rub". When they stop laughing they tell me it comes with the territory.

I do not talk to men much about transition. The whole thing seems to make them very uncomfortable.

Actually, I find that people react to me best if I never even mention transition or anything to do with it. If I just get on with living a woman's ordinary, everyday life, act like other women, dress like other women and interact with people as a woman then I seem to have no issues with anyone.

[Ms Grace]

I doubt most cis people would understand why things that are dysphoria triggers for me are even an issue for me in the first place. So I just don't bother telling them.

[FalseHybridPrincess]

I wanted to have period , my female friends say im much better without it  , though i dont think they get it completely

[Nero]

I doubt most cis people would understand why things that are dysphoria triggers for me are even an issue for me in the first place. So I just don't bother telling them.

Pretty much. I haven't really encountered any non sympathy over aspects I wanted. But a lot of assumptions about what I did want. Like I'm perfectly okay with my factory genitals and don't have 'penis envy'. I also don't care about fitting into male stereotypes. But people just assume if you 'want to be male', you care about all this stuff.

[LittleEmily24]

needing to wear makeup everywhere i go... my girl friends or wife tell me "we're just going to the store to buy groceries, don't put on make up". easy for them to say, they already LOOK like girls without makeup, -_-

another thing cis people don't sympathize with ~ the surgery NOT BEING THE ENTIRETY OF MY TRANSITION!!! Its like, with all the changes I see, everyone always seems to be interested in only ONE thing... the existence or future plans of my GENITALS -__- its ridiculous.

Wanting the good the bad and the ugly about being female. I have a friend who kept thinking that I was unrealistic about what it was like to be female, that i was treating it like an "easier life" or a "dream", but she failed to understand that the reason i felt that way was because even the NEGATIVE appealed to me... i wanted ALL of it and she seemed to think i had to hate wanting the bad parts ~ I guess thats what makes the difference between people understanding "its not that I want to be a (x gender), its that I NEED to be (x gender), its that I was ALWAYS (x gender)" and they fail to understand that it also includes wanting the things that make cis women hate being women or cis men hate being men

Most of my friends led themselves to believe that being a woman was just an alter ego, or alternate life that I wanted as a luxury or petty desire and not as a full time till-the-day-I-die sort of thing.

Most cisguys cringe when I tell them I'm getting rid of the guy junk.   They just can't seem to wrap their heads around that one.

OMG so much this lol, whenever my guy friends would ask me if i was going to get the surgery and I tell them "yeah i think so, im not sure yet but i really like the idea" they act like the epitome of being a man lies solely on the existence of the 2nd in command lol.

[immortal gypsy]

needing to wear makeup everywhere i go... my girl friends or wife tell me "we're just going to the store to buy groceries, don't put on make up". easy for them to say, they already LOOK like girls without makeup, -_-

THIS THIS AND THIS

Sometimes hormones are the wonder drug and do their magic on our face very quickly. Sometimes we have already won the genetic lottery and all we need are say earrings, glasses, eyebrows.  Others may need FFS, but the reality is. In the beginning it can be the lifesaver between feeling confident in going outside for lunch or a quick errand, and wanting to hide and mope inside all day.  I hate using it but it does have its uses.

This can also be true for our younger brothers out there looking for that designer stubble.  As motivational speakers tell you confidence is half the battle and we all need every ounce we can get when we are starting out.

[Lady_Oracle]

I don't go into the details. I just tell them my dysphoria was causing my severe depression which led to my suicide attempts at a very young age. I start with that before I mention anything else to so they understand the gravity of how horrible dysphoria can be. But it's a nonissue anyways since I rarely talk about that with just anyone. But that's what I start out by saying when I'm "coming out" to someone I know.

[Michelle69]

Most cisguys cringe when I tell them I'm getting rid of the guy junk.   They just can't seem to wrap their heads around that one.

When my older brother had this reaction, I just laughed. To me that reaction is confusing. I have never been attached to that part, and over time began to hate it. The last two years of my marriage I rarely used it when having sex. Nope, don't need it or want it, so spare me your grimace of pain.

They have no way of understanding the dysphoria, and talking about it to them is pointless. They see when I am in pain though and offer me their love and support, and that is good enough for me.

[Chic]

Not sure if I'd call it a lack of sympathy, but there's definitely been some lacking in the decency department with guys I go to school with. This one guy in particular keeps asking me all about how the vagina surgery will be, how things will turn out, how he wants to keep in contact with me so that he can ask me about it afterwards. Basically, he's very interested in learning about my eventual neo-vagina. I'm not really bothered by it, he's at least being respectful even if he's not totally discreet. I'm over getting too bothered by sexual questions from guys. Ever since I was 11 and even when I identified as a gay male for about a year or two, I've been asked things such as if I've ever tried shoving a glass bottle up my ass, if I've ever sucked dick, ever had sex, etc. I haven't transitioned yet but most of the people I talk to in my school know that I'm trans, lots of them follow my Instagram too which clearly shows very feminine pictures. I seem to have a few 'fans' too, lol.

Funny that everyone always thought I was either ugly or a '->-bleeped-<-got', and I'm on my road to becoming hotter than any girl those guys will ever date. Peeps on my IG say that if they didn't look at the hashtags to see that I'm trans, they never would have guessed I was anything but a cis female. One called me a beautiful chick the other day, others call me sexy and hot, etc. I guess some of them are ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<-s and others aren't, it doesn't take long to tell. Some are quite disturbing, others are pretty cool about it. People actually think I'm pretty gorgeous tho, so yeahhh, it's nice after all the ->-bleeped-<- I went through regarding my identity and appearance for years

Feels good mannn~

[Tori]

I wanted to have period , my female friends say im much better without it  , though i dont think they get it completely

Yeah, women don't get that like men don't get my need for a vagina.

[Misato]

Sugery has come up once for me, when I came out at work.

Most cis people are have just been harmlessly curious and seem to like it when I share something about my transition.

I don't think I look for sympathy for any aspect of my transition. But when I'm in trouble, like my mind locks on something that brings me down, there are a few compassionate cis ears I can call. But these people are my close friends (with general allys mixed in from time to time).

[Misato]

I will add/admit that I myself feel pressure, like there is this expectation to one-of-us understand the need for surgery. As a non-op, I don't care about my junk enough to do anything about it. As it is I love that HRT has enabled me to ignore my genitals. Before, I felt like it controlled me by my needing to masturbate. I love the freedom I have now which means for me to get SRS and be a controlled by my genitals again thanks to the need for dilation, I can't, I just can't.

This has the side effect of when someone needing surgery comes to me for support I'm there with hugs and compassion. But sometimes, I feel that I've dissapointed people coming to me because I don't understand the need deeper myself.

Sometimes if I share I'm non-op, I feel outright peer pressure to get SRS in the form of assurances like "eventually I wouldn't have to dilate as much". I get that this argument comes from a place where the speaker wants me to feel as good as they do or expect they will. This is well-intentioned, but it kind of hurts me when this happens.

[suzifrommd]

Cis women with the beginnings of facial hair are unsympathetic about trips to the electrologist, laser center, etc. "We have facial hair too".

What they don't understand is that if they miss a few hairs THEY STILL CAN USE PUBLIC RESTROOMS!!!

[FalseHybridPrincess]

Cis women with the beginnings of facial hair are unsympathetic about trips to the electrologist, laser center, etc. "We have facial hair too".

What they don't understand is that if they miss a few hairs THEY STILL CAN USE PUBLIC RESTROOMS!!!

well said

here is the deal

there are girls with masculine characteristics alright
but they are still cis girls...

they should be able to see the difference

[sad panda]

actually, just want to,say that to their credit, the cis people i have told have all been awesome about me changing my presentation. I can't think of a single thing between like a dozen + of them! Except my sister, but she has more of a bias...

[victoria n]

Most cisguys cringe when I tell them I'm getting rid of the guy junk.   They just can't seem to wrap their heads around that one.

What will you or anyone replace the guy junk with. 
       The problem is SRS is dysfunctional. Many know this. my new doctor for one.
for example:
no natural lube,       
You have to dilate or it will close up with granulation tissue, that can bleed  quite a bit. A  PIA. treated with silver nitrate,  cutting it out
with iris scissors w/ no anesthesia or surgery
no skene's glands mean no female ejaculation.   shrunken prostate from mones results in  dry orgasms. 
          The cutting, moving, and reduction of the guy junk  nerves.  Does anyone believe  this makes it easier to orgasm.
Well it doesn't.    it makes it near impossible . 
SRS is plastic surgery not neurosurgery.
Sorry  there are no magic bullets  I wish there were.
Please don't send hate mail.  Thank you.

[Beverly]

What will you or anyone replace the guy junk with. 
       The problem is SRS is dysfunctional. Many know this. my new doctor for one.

SRS is not perfect, no one is claiming it is but it is 1000 times better than having what I was born with. Over time it does moisten naturally, the body adapts. The granulation tissue is an issue during healing and not after healing is complete. Dilations can be reduced after a short while, the first reduction normally being after a few months.

The horror picture you are painting is inaccurate.